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Original poster

Mum seems to have had a personality change after operation!

219 replies

Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 14:24

I have posted on here before but have name changed for this.

My mum has just had major surgery. The surgery took place on Thursday and when I visited yesterday, all seemed to be fine. She was awake but quite sleepy. She is in her late 70s and has no dementia or other issues (so we thought).

I have just got back from the hospital now and from the moment I arrived there she was shouting at me and threatening to throw things at me. She appears to know who I am as she was calling me by name but she was very suspicious of me, telling the staff how awful I am and how she has had an awful life with all her children! She said we are scheming against her and want rid of her. She has three children and we all dote on her as she's always been such a loving, caring mum.

She is refusing her medication and food. She even grabbed the nurses lanyard at one point. I tried to give her a drink, she said I have probably poisoned it so there is no way she was drinking it.

I'm starting to think this must be what she really thinks of me. Can this happen after anesthetic? The staff reassured me this is quite normal, especially if someone has memory issues but she didn't have anything like this before the operation. I'm scared her 'true thoughts' must be coming out and she actually thinks we are all terrible children who want to harm her.

OP posts:
Prequelle · 04/05/2019 19:54

You haven't offended me onefox, sorry to make you think that you have. Peace :)

Woliverine · 04/05/2019 20:01

OP that must have been really distressing to see your Mum in that way.

it sounds like she has something called delirium. It's very common in older people especially at times when their body is under stress such as when there's an infection or after major surgery. It's more common if there is some underlying dementia but having an episode of delirium doesn't mean she has dementia.

It is temporary and mostly only lasts a few days, although it can go on longer in some cases. It's hard but the best thing you can do is be patient and be there, she doesn't mean the things she is saying. Reorientate her if she is confused and make sure she has some familiar things with her such as a photo etc and some drinks/snack she enjoys. Make sure she has her glasses, hearing aid, teeth etc and make sure the nursing team know that this isn't her normal.

It should get better as she continues to recover from her surgery. Thanks

queenMab99 · 04/05/2019 20:04

My husband 'changed' temporarily after an emergency heart operation, a bit like the character in the Jim Carrey film 'The Mask', he was larger than life, showing off, rude and argumentative, with the hospital staff, I was mortified and tried to explain that he wasn't normally like this. He told the staff at one point, that he did not want 'this woman' (me) to be allowed to visit. It actually took him a while (6 months) to settle into his old character and become his self again, he said later that he felt as if he had all these strange emotions, and could not deal with them.

DaveCoachesgavemetheclap · 04/05/2019 20:10

My dad had major surgery in his 70s and when he came round, he was convinced he'd won the lottery and kept waving to the woman in the bed opposite (there was no bed) and said he loved her statue of St Patrick. He didn't have Dementia or a UTI and was soon back to normal after a few days. I was seriously freaked out though. Hope your mum is back to her usual self soon Flowers

Onecutefox · 04/05/2019 20:11

Prequelle, Smile

graziemille1 · 04/05/2019 20:13

My dad had delirium after a long stay in ICU.

Was very upsetting as he is very mild mannered normally but he was shouting and swearing and trying to slap me.

He did return to normal after a few days.

It is sooooooooo distressing though Flowers

Boopeedoop · 04/05/2019 20:14

A family friend was exactly the same after major heart surgery. Apparently it's very common in the elderly.

Sadly he only made a partial recovery and now has severe dementia. X

Pluginwall · 04/05/2019 20:21

I’m going with the morphine, too

DF was convinced that one of the nurses was trying to kill him. He ran away from ward and they had to search for him. He is very sheepish about it now, but said that he was terrified at the time. It made me think how vulnerable hospital staff are to false accusations.

Level11 · 04/05/2019 20:22

Really hope your mum is on the mend OP.
My DGM suffered with hospital delirium after a fall and it was exactly as you’ve described (no UTI either).
She was in hospital for some time but as soon as she was home (in a care home) she was back to herself.
Look after yourself and please don’t take anything she says it does to heart, she can’t help it and it should pass.

Level11 · 04/05/2019 20:23
  • says or does
Original poster
Beesinmybonnet · 04/05/2019 22:20

Update from a relative who has been to visit her this evening. She is still confused but she is now eating and drinking and no longer thinks people are trying to poison her. Hopefully this is a good sign and when I visit tomorrow she might be better again. Thank you for all the kind words

OP posts:
Lellochip · 04/05/2019 22:36

OP - I had the same with my mum after she was admitted to hospital on 2 occasions. The confusion was severe and immediate so doesn't necessarily mean an infection. Just the general stress and upheaval if hospital can cause delirium. Surgery, painkillers, pain, undermedication, overmedication etc can all make it worse.

Essentially it's a nightmare to stop once it's started but if she's eating and feeling calmer that's all good. The sooner she's back to a familiar routine the sooner she'll be back to normal, but don't be afraid of pestering the staff for advice and ways to ease it. I know how hard it is to see your mum in that state, but more than likely she'll be herself again in no time Flowers

Peridot1 · 04/05/2019 22:43

I haven’t read the whole thread which I know is annoying but MIL was like this after a heart valve op last year. I didn’t see her as we live quite a distance away but her niece was with her and she was really worried for a bit. A few weeks to be honest.

We think MIL had post operative delirium. She was horrible apparently. So not like her.

Thankfully she is back to normal now.

Lellochip · 04/05/2019 22:52

Haha Grin 'Mmm antibiotics for an infection, what a novel idea! These Mumsnet posters might be onto something Doctor. Nurse here's a shocking one for you, try a urine dip on a confused PT shock'

You laugh, I had to beg for antibiotics for over a week when my mum had an infection that left her so delirious she couldn't speak Sad

VictoriaBun · 05/05/2019 16:44

Hopefully your visit to your mum went better today. How did it go ?

thegreenlight · 05/05/2019 17:16

Was it a heart op? Apparently older people can develop these symptoms after having a heart operation, the older they are the more of a risk. Some people recover in a few days, if they do t then it can be permanent. My dad has not been the same since his heart bypass Sad

nilcarborundum · 05/05/2019 17:25

This happened to my mum after an operation. She was quite demented for about 24 hours, calling us names, fighting with the nurses and refusing to take her medication. It turned out she’d had a slight stroke.

Katherine2626 · 05/05/2019 17:31

Anaesthetic does funny things to people - the older you are the worse it hits you evidently - and it takes a while to get out of your system. Are the staff concerned? As others have said urine infections can make older people appear absolutely bonkers but once it has cleared up they are back to normal. Sorry to hear this - it must be upsetting for you.

MulticolourMophead · 05/05/2019 17:41

Thanks for the update, OP, sounds like your DM is getting better. Fingers crossed your next visit is a little calmer. Thanks

Alison20 · 05/05/2019 17:43

I haven’t read the complete thread but check whether she has been put on steroids. They can lead to temporary mental health issues. Some pain killers can also have an effect. I am not medically qualified but it happened to someone I know and was purely drug induced. Try not to take it personally and ask for help with it. Nurses are not always aware it’s not the norm for your relative.

casalice18 · 05/05/2019 17:50

Your mum has post-op delirium. this can happen to the more elderly people when they have an anaesthetic.
this happened to my mum in law after she broke her hip after and the operation I was an f**kin witch, my daughter was one too. the nurses rang me one day to ask me if i could go to hospital to help them get her washed and up out of bed as she was hitting them,spitting at them etc.
when i got there she started screaming that i was going to kill her and for someone to help her. she kept saying that she worked in MI5 and she would get us all and wait til she finds her secret black book with all her phone numbers in and for us to watch out!
It was like something out of the exorcist! The whole family were totally horrified at the time but now we wish we had filmed it because it is hilarious thinking about it now and mil doesn't remember it.
it lasted for about 3 days and then she was back to her normal snarky self.

Thehappygardener · 05/05/2019 17:52

My dad age 80+ had a very poor reaction to the pain killer he was given post op. He saw cows coming through the ceiling. He is very logical, knew that this shouldn’t happen, so stopped taking the pain killers. The inexperienced nurse was hopeless and I asked to see the consultant anaesthetist who immediately changed the pain killer.

Dad was fine by the next day. Some drugs shouldn’t be given to young children or older adults.

Plus other suggestions from Mumsnetters, all valid possibilities.

Am sure your mum will be fine 🌺✅

StrongerThanIThought76 · 05/05/2019 17:54

My mum was off her tits on morphine after a big op aged 66, was horrific - hallucinations, abusive, thought she was being poisoned. Def not a uti as she had no bladder!

Please do check with staff - they assured me it was completely normal and often expected but nobody had thought to explain that beforehand.

mumwon · 05/05/2019 17:57

believe me confusion after general anaesthetic happens more frequently than most people realize in older people. I imagine its caused by older bodies be less able to efficiently metabolize the medication & the shock of the operation (nb I remember this being mentioned in a lecture on dementia in Psychology) hopefully she will start to recover soon. The liver & kidneys do not work as well as they use to.

BensonBunny · 05/05/2019 18:00

Oh you poor thing . As others have said this is post pump psychosis, it still reasonably common after heart surgery, though less so then it used to be. She will get better and hopefully won’t remember any of this, I always feel very sorry for the patients who remember what they did as they are very embarrassed and as nurses we have seen it all before. Hope she is better soon

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