AIBU to demand school let my daughter go to the toilet whenever she needs to?

[Janel85]

DD is 6 and has been having repeat urine infections since November. She has had kidney ultrasound and has a mild drainage problem. Long story short ended up in hospital last night because dd caught a bug. Couldn’t keep down any water or antibiotics and hadn’t been a wee in over 12 hours. The mild kidney dilation will be investigated further but doctor thinks the reason for repeat UTIs at DDs age is likely to be down to stagnation, holding onto her wee for too long because she feels uncomfortable going at school. Spoke to DD and apparently the policy of her teacher is that the children can only use the toilet at break times and snack time and if you ask at any other time then the answer is no. I think this is making my daughter very ill and it’s wrong AIBU?

@intheheat

No problem. I do remind them to go to the loo at playtime and lunchtime as I won't let you after.

Yr3 is p4 in Scotland.

Reminders are a good idea! Ah thanks, I'm forever getting mixed up!! DD is P1 going into P2 and DS2 is about to start P1 in August. He shouldn't need a pass because he's never had issues, but I'd hope they'd be a wee bit gentle in the first term as the wee ones get used to the routine.

@intheheat

Reminders work 70% of the time. Although it didn't with the 2 girls last week.

In the first year I would like to think so. Dds teacher didn't though did she? As a teacher it is extremely frustrating and I get it is hard for some to understand. I would just tell him to be persistent if he really needs to go.

Haha he can definitely do persistent! Once he's in the routine I think he'll be fine tbh, just the first few weeks and it's the same teacher (who is actually really brilliant) so I'll just explain and think she'll be ok.

@intheheat

Haha aernt they always. I'm sure she will. One thing I do hate is when kids are told to just walk out when I refuse. I had that one year with a boy, not helpful.

To be honest, the only time I would tell any of my children to "just walk out" is if they were genuinely about to wet/soil themselves or if the girls have just come on and been refused access to the toilet.

It's ironic really because I'm usually very much on the teachers side when arguments come up on here and in RL. But the toilet thing is a bit close to home I think.

I definitely wouldn't have my kids thinking they didn't have to listen or respect the teacher though!

He definetely weren't about to wet himself. He was a trouble maker , he would chat and gulp his water down and then demand to go wee because mummy said it was against his human rights.
When I explained that everytime I said no and he walked out he was missing playtime it stopped.

It is understandable you feel this way.

because mummy said it was against his human rights

Oh god she was one of "those" parents wasn't she? I bet she didn't take on board that her son's behaviour was poor either did she?

Water bottles in class seems to be a new thing! DS1 didn't have it in primary, neither did DSDs. I mean I get that on very hot days or after gym they need to rehydrate, but a normal day?

I had her in constantly because he was bullying another child and she was adamant her boy wasn't like that.

They are. I tell once they are empty it's tough and don't moan you need a wee. They are more trouble than worth. I'm 29 and didn't have them in my day.

I've encountered a mother like that. In fact we had to sell up and move area to get away from her son (targeting DS1 because of his disablity) which still angers me even now!

I'll defend my kids to the hilt when needed, but I also won't tolerate bad behaviour and they know it. DS1 told his maths teacher he couldn't do his homework as he had no internet access last week! So this week his only internet access is to do homework!!!

Why is it always the parents of bullies who think like this?

I have no idea. They think their children are little darlings

Haha with the internet you will get a reputation for being as mean as me

Missbuxton they do don't they? Ugh.

Haha if you think that's mean you should have seen his face when he wouldn't stop slamming his bedroom door so I took it off and put it in the loft for 3 hours with a warning that if he did it again it would stay off! Funnily enough he's not slammed a door since 😂

Haha you'll be ok you let him go for a wee

Give her some d-mannose powder (you can buy on Amazon) as that seems to help a lot of peoples chronic UTI's (even with antibiotics) and there is a lot of valid science behind it!

Aye and I left the bathroom door on too

I get that it's a minefield being a teacher, and I take my hat off to anyone who can deal with "those" parents.

I've worked hard to build a good relationship with teachers, and hope they know I only ever raise things that are really important. I guess the bottom line is that I want school to work for everyone, and we as parents have a responsibility to make sure that happens as well as the teachers!

Haha @intheheat

That is important building relationships.

I'm glad you now understand my toilet policy.

I do, and I agree with it fwiw.

Definitely agree that building a positive relationship is worth it! For all concerned I think.

@intheheat

Agree with it really?

Dearly me. Do you really think if the kids were going home in wet clothes parents wouldn't say something?

Yes, I know parents who did not, the one year we had a teacher like you. Also kids can hide it. I think it’s pretty harsh to expect kids to reveal private things in order to just be allowed the toilet when they need it. Again, it shouldn’t be reliant on a medical condition. Going to the loo is a human thing and nobody should be made to wait. Period. My DD had problems with knowing when to go up until 11, autistic children often do apparently as they can ignore signals they need to go. But as is common with girls, we didn’t even know she had autism till much later- 11 in fact, so it’s not like we could give a ‘reason’ to let her use the loo- aside from one teacher we never needed to though. The point is, most kids aren’t mucking around, they really need to go. They shouldn’t be stopped just because the teacher is inflexible. We’ve had a few other teachers on this thread who have said they have simple systems for toilet use and it works, with few problems if any.

Water bottles in class seems to be a new thing! DS1 didn't have it in primary, neither did DSDs. I mean I get that on very hot days or after gym they need to rehydrate, but a normal day?

Ah yes! I mentioned earlier, there’s an organisation in the UK that works with schools to educate them on best practice with hydration and toilet use, how and why it’s important to rehydrate regularly- little and often. Drinking large amounts at set points is not the best thing to do. I always have a water bottle with me, always, sipping little and often.

Agree with it really?

Aye, now I know that if there were issues you'd be flexible. It was the implied lack of flexibility that bothered me, but I misunderstood and you clarified.

JessicaWakefieldSV I didn't realise that! I always put in an extra water bottle on gym days and in very hot weather, but generally just one bottle does them the full day (obviously with a separate drink for lunch)

It just seems open to taking the piss (pun unfortunately intended) to get out of class to me.

The National Union of Teachersown guidance on toilet issues in mainstream schools notes that:
“Having set times for access to the toilet can cause “I’ll go just in case” practices which means the bladder doesn’t get used to holding on until it’s full. Over time, the bladder capacity can reduce, increasing the need to visit the toilet more frequently.
“At the same time, the amount of fluid a child can drink before needing to go to the toilet is reduced. This results in a vicious circle. A child may consciously or unconsciously ration their fluid intake, or avoid drinking altogether, if they fear not being able to go to the toilet when they need to.”

Children’s rights are protected by the UN Convention on the Rights of Children.
Article 3 specifies that the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration and that institutions responsible for children’s care shall conform with the standards established by competent authorities, particularly in the areas of safety and health.
In addition, Article 28,governing the provision of education, specifically states that “parties shall take all appropriate measures to ensure that school discipline is administered in a manner consistent with the child’s human dignity and in conformity with the present Convention.”

rightsinfo.org/do-school-toilet-policies-breach-pupils-rights/