AIBU to demand school let my daughter go to the toilet whenever she needs to?

[Janel85]

DD is 6 and has been having repeat urine infections since November. She has had kidney ultrasound and has a mild drainage problem. Long story short ended up in hospital last night because dd caught a bug. Couldn’t keep down any water or antibiotics and hadn’t been a wee in over 12 hours. The mild kidney dilation will be investigated further but doctor thinks the reason for repeat UTIs at DDs age is likely to be down to stagnation, holding onto her wee for too long because she feels uncomfortable going at school. Spoke to DD and apparently the policy of her teacher is that the children can only use the toilet at break times and snack time and if you ask at any other time then the answer is no. I think this is making my daughter very ill and it’s wrong AIBU?

@Jessica

Dearly me. Do you really think if the kids were going home in wet clothes parents wouldn't say something?

*deary

If the school say no, pull her out

It's been pointed out that wet pants wouldn't necessarily be noticed by either teacher or parent Miss and that's the point.

If a child is shamed by asking to use to the toilet and being told no, if they wet themselves and feel embarrassed would they tell anyone?

Or would they just get on with it, given that they have very little control over when they use the toilet?

And holding on does cause infections, it happened to me (consultant said it's part of the problem with my kidney function now because of childhood holding and recurring infections) and it happened to DD.

Hence her toilet pass.

Kidney infections are the most painful thing I've ever endured, including giving birth. The thought of my DD being in that amount of pain makes me feel absolutely sick.

@Intheheat

I have not once said a children with a medical problem/toilet pass should be made to wait.

She needed the pass because teachers wouldn't understand that she needed to go.

She shouldn't have had to get a pass and have her intimate information passed to staff! If they'd just let a hopping 5 yo go to the loo in the first place, she wouldn't have had the infections!

That's my point.

@intheheat

Which I fully agree with at the age of 5 and most definetely if the teacher is aware of a problem whichever way communicated.

Thank you. I have instructed DD only to go if she needs the loo and not see it as a get out of class free card.

I get that kids push boundaries, but I honestly feel, especially if they're young, that a wee bit of leeway is needed in the first few years of school.

@intheheat

I realise you are not going to agree with my no toilet during class policy but it's what works best for me.

Did you have to persevere with the teacher to get dd a toilet pass?

I'm glad it works for you, I hope it works for the children too. I was being genuine when I wondered if a child holding on would be capable of learning, because surely their concentration would be limited?

I had to get a letter from the GP after her 3rd UTI in 3 months and they were great after that.

That is outrageous! You really need to raise stink with the school. Could the SENCo help with this?

My 16yo dd has been in your DD's situation on and off all her life. All her schools have been entirely supportive. Sometimes they have proactively suggested helpful toileting strategies, sometimes they have asked me what dd needs and implemented my requests. This is without any communication from doctors, purely from talking with me and from their experiences with dd.

@intheheat

They are fine. They seem to be ok. I don't often have many asking to go, although did have a couple of girls ask immediately after lunch one day last week.

That's wrong. If that was me the minute you told me she needs the loo and suffering from UTI she would have immediately access.

Missbuxton then I've misunderstood your flexibility and I'm sorry. I thought by medical need you meant proof such as DDs letter, I didn't realise information from a parent would mean you'd be more flexible.

I doubt six year olds would be going to purposely skip a shit lesson as teenagers do!

Unfortunately, some do, especially if they are struggling. So, if there is poor communication between the staff, and the teacher in that lesson is not the class teacher or the one who gives medicine, they may not know that the child has a UTI. Instead they 'see' an avoidant child.

@Intheheat
When I said doctors letter, a note from parent or quiet word is fine.

If I know they have a problem they are allowed , the ones who don't can use the facilities during break or lunch or before or after school.

My mistake for skim reading, sorry again.

I still think a wee bit of leeway in the first couple of years is best, especially when they've just started.

I agree and I don't think I would be brave enough to stop a 5 yr old from going to the toilet. I teach yr 3 though so are ks2.

I don't know what KS2 is but I'm guessing they're older?
Year 3 would be 8 or 9 I think? I'm in Scotland so haven't a clue about year ages, apart from what I've gathered on here.

@intheheat

I should have explained up thread that a quiet word from parent is enough for me to let them go.

Missbuxton misunderstanding on both sides, just glad it's all sorted now.

I do see your point about older children having more control and ability to know when to go in breaks. Medical reasons aside obviously.

Year 3 is the first year of junior school. They are 7 and 8 in England.

Ah ok thanks for explaining. We do Primary 1-7. So equivalent would be P3/4 I think?

@intheheat

I don't sound so much of a bitch now.

I wouldn't have called you a bitch (I hate that word) but I did think you were being a bit OTT. Past tense of course, since I realise I'd misunderstood.