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AIBU?

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Original poster

Engagement party disaster

316 replies

tonymac · 03/05/2019 22:15

NC as potentially outing.

I had my engagement party on Saturday and it descended into slight chaos. To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle - my partner was joint equally to blame for it all - along with some random distant cousin who I've not seen for years.

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen. I'd have preferred it didn't obviously, but I had a bit of a moan when we got home, and then put it behind me and forgot about it. It was an excellent night bar 5 minutes at the end and for me, it can all be forgotten about.

However, one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation) just won't let it go. She's messaging me daily asking how things are and if my partner is still trying to make it up to me. Going on and on about how ridiculous she thinks the whole situation was and how she's so hurt for me. I do appreciate her concern and I know she's just looking out for me, but all I really want to do is forget about it. It's water off a ducks back for me and what's annoying me most is everyone still talking about it a week later.

AIBU to tell her for the millionth time that it's fine and I'm over it and no I'm not leaving DP for it, only with a sprinkling of back the heck off before we fall out included this time?

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 05/05/2019 18:33

Just dropped in to say the contributory negligence plays no part in criminal law.

LuluJakey1 · 05/05/2019 18:50

Anyone else ever seen an old Steve Coogan thing called 'Two fights, 3 weddings and a funeral'? That's what I'm imagining. In my almost 40 years I have never seen a punch-up or a row at a family party- mine or DH's or friends or colleagues; and we're certainly not stuck-up.
Bizarre post.

Grumpelstilskin · 05/05/2019 19:07

Feck me - at your wedding there will obviously be the traditional punch-up in the car park between different family tribes. That sounds like they are extras on Shameless. It is certainly not normal behaviour and I would be shocked and not brush it aside. But it seems your hubby to be will fit right in…

VanGoghsDog · 05/05/2019 19:09

Well, my family all loathe each other but even we manage to avoid punching each other.

TriciaH87 · 05/05/2019 19:34

Tell her straight it wouldn't be a family function without a bit of drama. Then say the good thing with family is the next morning it's all over with. Tell her it was him this time but who's to say it won't be you at the next. Might shut her up

SherlockSays · 05/05/2019 19:37

I have a huge family. Not once has a party ended in a scuffle.. no matter how small it may seem Confused. I find it strange how normal you think this is.

iklboo · 05/05/2019 19:50

I've only been to one wedding where there was a punch up. There'd been a free bar & the groom's brother found out one table had been ordering the most expensive bottles of champagne (some in the woman's bag to take home) triple spirits, cocktails etc. When he confronted them the bloke told him to fuck off and he'd do what he liked. What was GB going to do about it?

GB decked him. Then it all kicked off like a western. Horrible to witness.

Macandcheese05 · 05/05/2019 19:56

i went to a wedding last year where the grooms family hated the brides. Mother of the groom wore white. Grooms sisters gyrated like strippers all over the FatherOfBride (MOB stormed off to her hotel room). Then at the end the groom and his own best man had a punch up and a police car took him away.

i hadnt seen anything like that before and it was a bloody good night of people watching!! cant wait till they have their first sprog and have a christening to be honest.

Catsinthecupboard · 05/05/2019 19:58

Oh PeakedTooEarly !!

Criticized the curtains!Smile

It's difficult to be more working with hands than my family was and out of 14 siblings with my grandparents, their children, grandchildren. Etc.. no fisticuffs.

Although. I have heard many window dressing critiques, Peaked!

FelicisNox · 05/05/2019 19:59

Re: family scuffle... my maternal side of the family is like this (we're not) so there is some sort of drama every time there's a family get together, hence why I've cut them off and this is what you need to do: the distant cousin needs scratching off the wedding invitation list because actually, whilst it may be normal for him, it's not normal behaviour period.

As for your friend: I know someone just like this and she sounds like a drama queen who rather than being genuinely concerned is actually hoping you might drop your soon to be DH so just beware in future and don't let her get over involved in your personal doings.

Best of luck. X

Bookworm4 · 05/05/2019 20:04

I've seen a few scuffles at funerals 🙄

Bookworm4 · 05/05/2019 20:07

@Macandcheese05
Make sure you get an invite to other dos.
I love all the 'violent thug' dump him comments, so realistically if your partner was in a situation he threw a punch, all these MN lovelies would divorce him?
Get a bloody grip 🙄

YemenRoadYemen · 05/05/2019 20:18

Given that we 'MN lovelies' (WTF?) have been with our husbands/partner for years - or even decades - and they've never thrown a punch (or received one) in that time, is it really so hard to believe? Confused

Your normal isn't our normal, and vice versa.

GabsAlot · 05/05/2019 20:35

my dh family seem to love to have a row when theyre drunk at a party-not phsycial mind you but i could see it heading that way

i wonder what your friend has said thats so unrepeatable?

BeansandRice · 05/05/2019 21:04

To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle

Gosh, this is normal for you? Crikey, how the other half lives ...

BeansandRice · 05/05/2019 21:15

I'm frankly astounded that a scuffle is considered so unusual

And I'm astounded that you're astounded.

I'm probably twice your age, and i can happily say that no family party has ever involved punches thrown.

I feel sorry for you that you think this is normal. It's not (outside of Jeremy Kyle-World).

FunkyKingston · 05/05/2019 21:16

Given that we 'MN lovelies' (WTF?) have been with our husbands/partner for years - or even decades - and they've never thrown a punch (or received one) in that time, is it really so hard to believe?

Yep. I have a friend, 6'4" with a build to match, very gentle soul. Likes a drink and some of the pubs round our way can be quite lively. Numerous times I've seen wannabe pub hardmen trying to goad him into a fight and in his entire adult life he's never so much raised his voice let alone a fist. 99.999 times out of 100 it is possible to avoid a punch up. It isn't normal or acceptable to respond to confrontational situations like this.

justasking111 · 05/05/2019 21:22

A wedding organiser threatened to call the police at a stately home reception when the guests arrived straight from the church absolutely bladdered. This reception had cost 25k, they sobered up quickly after that.

DeniseRoyal · 05/05/2019 21:25

Well, sounds like a fairly normal party to me OP! It happens, families get together, they drink, things are said, next minute its handbags at dawn! Your friend has a nerve when she was giving it good guns, hurling a buse at your stepdad. 🤔 ignore her.

DeniseRoyal · 05/05/2019 21:27

😉😁😂

YemenRoadYemen · 05/05/2019 21:31

It's only 'normal' in, ah, certain (confined) circles.

It's not actually normal.

Accountant222 · 05/05/2019 21:50

We went to a 21st party the Son of one of my friends, these were the poshest people in town. Limo's turned up to take the party boy and friends off to clubs.

A massive fight broke out amongst the other relatives who were in their fifties, the biggest trouble causers Dad is in the Sunday Times Rich List.

OneLuckyLady · 05/05/2019 21:56

I didn't know people still had engagement parties as I haven't been to one in about 25 years. I remember going to them back when people lived at home then moved in together after getting married really young, when the engagement party was a way of starting off the collection of glassware and toasters etc. Not sure what the point of them now is. I'd be inclined to think that the couple were being a bit grabby, expecting an engagement gift at the party and then a wedding gift a year later. Hmm

FunkyKingston · 05/05/2019 22:07

I didn't know people still had engagement parties as I haven't been to one in about 25 years

Good point, I'm 40 and i don't think ive ever been to one.

DeniseRoyal · 05/05/2019 22:08

@YemenroadYemen, sarcasm is lost on you isn't it dear?

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