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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for hilariously crap excuses you’ve been given?

275 replies

MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2019 18:54

I will start with one I recently received.

I have an old school friend who I have very sporadic contact with via email. When I contacted her for a catch up recently I made some reference to ‘we must get together some time,’ as you do.

She emailed me back a few days later with her news but added that she couldn’t commit to getting together this year because last year a pipe in her (adult) daughter’s bedroom had leaked and she needed to decorate her room. She doesn’t have a job or any dependent children just to be clear. Hmm

If she’d ignored that comment although or said she was up to her eyes in it OR even said ‘not really into meeting up’ I wouldn’t have cared at all.

It made me laugh anyway. So what totally silly excuses have you been offered?

OP posts:
marcopront · 03/05/2019 20:35

My ex once told our daughter he had to cut the phone call short because he had to go somewhere and do something. (They were his exact words)

Hortuslover · 03/05/2019 20:43

The lamest excuse I’ve experienced is from a takeaway.

We had a really good Chinese takeaway, by far the best in our town and was always really busy.
We rang up to place our order, only for the owner (we got to recognise his voice) to pretend that we’d got through to the voicemail saying they were closed due to the bad weather. Stuttering and stammering all the way through the message, very clearly not a pre recorded message. Me and DH was like Hmm we looked out the window and it was a lovely summers evening.

Me and dh was in stitches. We actually rang again to have another laugh at the “voicemail message”, only for them to answer and take our full order.

Sagradafamiliar · 03/05/2019 20:43

'I'm sorry I'm late but I didn't want to come' 😂

Time40 · 03/05/2019 20:44

My parents once asked a neighbour to keep an eye on their house while they were on holiday - pick up the post, open the curtains; that sort of thing. The neighbour said no because ... she didn't have anywhere to keep their key.

donajimena · 03/05/2019 20:49

Gunpowder I had a cotbed which you had to completely take apart and rebuild when you needed to lower it. It wasn't me though I'd have begged you to come and help in return for cake!

Kungfupanda67 · 03/05/2019 20:55

A girl I worked with (in a pub) was 2 hours late for her shift on a Sunday. It was blatantly obvious she was hungover, but instead of being a normal person and pretending she’d been ill or there was a family emergency she came in and told our boss she was late because she’d been arrested and has spent the night in a cell. Way to make a good impression! The worst thing was her boyfriend was a regular so it only took about 2 hours before someone mentioned it to him and he confirmed that it was a lie.

I always thought you make excuses to make yourself look better - lying about being arrested makes so sense to me 🤷‍♀️

Missingstreetlife · 03/05/2019 20:58

Had a really crap job, I hated it and was always late. Ran out of excuses and said my hand got stuck in the cornflake packet. Yes they sacked me.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 03/05/2019 21:00

At work - sorry I can't come in the tortoise is off his food and I need to keep an eye on him in case I need to take him to the vet!

Summersunsareglowing · 03/05/2019 21:09

Marcopront
"he had to go somewhere and do something."

Was it his polite way of saying he had to go for a poo? Grin

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2019 21:09

When dd was a baby she was a bad sleeper and although my Mum was sometimes helpful she did tend to be a bit rigid in her plans
Once after a really bad night with dd and DH working away I asked if I could go round to her house and have a quick nap while she watched dd. She said I couldn’t because she had planned to go and choose which colour ribbon she would be using on her Christmas presents that year ( it was November).

Shodan · 03/05/2019 21:12

I had a friend who promised to come over one evening, (I was a single parent, couldn't get a babysitter that night)have a few drinks, a gossip etc.

She arrived with wet hair, which was slightly odd for her, and I gave her a drink and we started chatting. Then her phone rings and the woman on the other end was VERY LOUD, which meant I could hear the whole conversation. She was asking when my friend was coming out, was she nearly ready, should they get a taxi or was my friend driving, were they going to X or Y club, and finished by saying Hurry Up and See you in a few!

My friend then yawned really loudly (and obviously fakely) and said she was SOOOO tired and thought she might go home now- twenty minutes after she'd arrived.

I tutted and expressed (obviously) fake sympathy and sent her on her way and sent a text after she'd left, saying I knew she was going out and she should've just said so Grin

makingmammaries · 03/05/2019 21:14

This thread made me remember my ex-not-d-h. Always ruined things in the house while I was away. Denied having shortened the vacuum cleaner cable until I demonstrated that it no longer reached down the stairs, then said ‘it was too long’. Painted the sides of the stairs without lifting the carpet - loads of paint stains - and said the carpet couldn’t be lifted (in response to which I lifted it with one hand). Sorry, the OP wanted hilariously crap excuses and here I am getting angry remembering his wankerish ways.

IAmNOTBent · 03/05/2019 21:20

To get off the phone from me my 'D'M always says "well I'd better let you go" as if it's me itching to put the phone down rather than her! Just say if I'm boring you.

Hotandcold123 · 03/05/2019 21:21

I used to work with someone that was always late for work. Work would start at 9 am and she would almost every morning come between 9:15 and 9:30. She’d roll in sweating ‘I’m so sorry I got delayed by TFL’. You would think she’d realise she needed to leave home at least 15 mins earlier.

UnaCorda · 03/05/2019 21:23

I work on dentist reception and if NHS patient misses their appointment twice, we remove them. But we make exceptions for accentuating circumstances.

I've heard of accent nails, but not accent teeth.

Reasonstobeearful · 03/05/2019 21:23

Grin @missingstreetlife that is awesome.

I once phoned in sick from a train station. Yes, on the actual platform, with the announcements and trains going past. (80s, no mobiles, that's where the phone was.) Amazingly, they didn't sack me. What can I say? I was really good at stacking fruit and veg.

feigningabrain · 03/05/2019 21:25

This happened to me this week! Got asked to go for a coffee a few weeks ago with a woman who has clearly no interest in being genuine friends or having play dates. Long story short I eventually went and because of something she said asked her why she wasn't keen on play dates in a sort of subtle non issue kind of way and she said she was she really really was and it was all a huge misunderstanding.

It was not a huge misunderstanding. And I can pretty much guarantee that there will be no play dates in future, though I have emailed with a couple of dates. The invite for coffee (to me, not with dc) was a mystery too.

People are strange...

BeanBag7 · 03/05/2019 21:25

A friend of mine didn't come to our wedding because she was dog sitting (despite receiving a "save the date" months before).

It turns out she was waiting on an invite for another wedding which would be "more fun" than mine - I saw the photos on Facebook. The lying is what annoyed me really.

Beachbodynowayready · 03/05/2019 21:26

My sm told my df to cut short our phone conversation as his tea was ready and it would get cold .
*she hated me.
Asked him what they were having.
Salad.

FuriousVexation · 03/05/2019 21:26

@PulyaSochsup

"You don't have a MIL problem, you have a BF problem" 😂

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2019 21:26

I love 'hand got stuck in the cornflake packet' :o
Shodan did your friend reply?

StealthPolarBear · 03/05/2019 21:27

And the Christmas ribbons :)

IAmNOTBent · 03/05/2019 21:30

FB is not the friend of liars.

Foxmuffin · 03/05/2019 21:32

A friend told me she had a “busy month ahead” when i asked if she wanted to meet to walk the dogs. She always walked her dogs and there’s no way they were missing out for a month.

Hassled · 03/05/2019 21:33

I think my worst was when there wasn't even a crap excuse. It was just "Yes - let's arrange to meet up sometime". Followed by utter, complete silence. I think I'd have preferred her to tell me she had some giant frog emergency or an incursion of llamas in her flat or anything, really.

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