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Original poster

To ask for hilariously crap excuses you’ve been given?

275 replies

MatildaTheCat · 03/05/2019 18:54

I will start with one I recently received.

I have an old school friend who I have very sporadic contact with via email. When I contacted her for a catch up recently I made some reference to ‘we must get together some time,’ as you do.

She emailed me back a few days later with her news but added that she couldn’t commit to getting together this year because last year a pipe in her (adult) daughter’s bedroom had leaked and she needed to decorate her room. She doesn’t have a job or any dependent children just to be clear. Hmm

If she’d ignored that comment although or said she was up to her eyes in it OR even said ‘not really into meeting up’ I wouldn’t have cared at all.

It made me laugh anyway. So what totally silly excuses have you been offered?

OP posts:
soselfopinionated · 06/05/2019 08:51

My ex, notoriously bad at seeing his children (1 weekend in 3 he was supposed to have them and couldn't even manage that) was due to go to court for drink driving. He phoned me one Friday to tell me he couldn't see the children that weekend because, although his court date had been postponed, the judge had told him he was certain he would lose his licence and so was banning him from driving for that weekend. I offered to drive the children to him but he declined that offer.........

PassMeTheWine · 06/05/2019 09:00

Recently a colleague aged 35 couldn't come to work because her hamster died.. She came in the following day in tears, so had to be sent home. She informed us that she will be having a funeral for her beloved hamster. No dc's.

sueelleker · 06/05/2019 09:24

I once worked with a colleague who said her clothes didn't fit her because they had shrunk in the wash . I may have believed her I hadn't worked there long , I had a sneaky peak at her fb pictures and she had put several stones on over a couple of years . I suspect the machine wasn't the culprit
There-s a running joke on an cruise web group that sea air shrinks clothes-nothing to do with the free food!

TyanneRivers · 06/05/2019 21:46
Grin
Ineedamanipedi · 06/05/2019 22:24

Years ago my cleaner (who was only about 20) said she couldn’t come any more as she was having her bunions operated on!
It couldve been true but it still makes me laugh.

Poshjock · 06/05/2019 23:29

A work colleague failed to turn up to work one morning. We phoned but couldn't get through. We phoned our manager who said he'd keep trying. By midday we were really worried and the manager said he'd go to colleague's house. Sleepy colleague answers door, apparently he slept in because the pet rabbit had chewed through the phone charger and therefore the phone alarm didn't go off and we couldn't phone him either. He didn't have a pet rabbit - it was the neighbour's rabbit he was looking after.

The fact that we all knew he was attending lock-ins at his local pub til gone 4am had nothing to do with it. This particular story was the best of a few, I guess he got bored always telling us his car broke down/battery was flat. He totally got away with it too. (In fairness to him he actually got over this bad point in his life, sorted himself out and stopped being late).

Beanie3 · 07/05/2019 03:26

My husband was once dating an older girl. He had convinced her that he was almost 21. He managed to get friends and family to give him 21st birthday cards when really he was actually only 18. One card slipped through, an aged great aunt had sent him a correct age card 18. When questioned by the then girlfriend about the card he told her that the great aunt lived in a care home and the staff that had sent it had got it wrong or the old lady couldn't remember much now and could have just as easily sent him a Christmas card. He hasn't even got a great aunt.

Steeve · 07/05/2019 03:56

When I was 18 my girlfriend told me I couldn't stay over as the stars on her ceiling weren't working...

mokapot · 07/05/2019 04:18

Neighbour wouldn’t be my partners passport guarantor because she couldn’t write...she was a bank manager before retiring Hmm

BritWifeinUSA · 07/05/2019 04:26

When I got married the first time (no, I’m not Elizabeth Taylor, I’m only on my second marriage) we sent “save the dates” over a year in advance because we were very young and excited. An uncle of my (then) fiancé replied and said “we always go to Barcelona the first week in October so we won’t be coming”. I suggested they could break the tradition and go the second week, or the last week in September but he suggested we should move the wedding.

thankyourforthemusic · 07/05/2019 07:19

@mokapot you've just reminded me my ex boss who was the company accountant wouldn't sign my passport because she didn't gain her accountancy qualifications in this country. So said it was best she didn't sign it . I was confused are you qualified accountant or not Hmm

wonderingsoul · 07/05/2019 07:40

My close friend at the time couldn't to my very relaxed, registry and buffet reception because she had nothing to wear.

RelaisBlu · 07/05/2019 12:07

Thinking happy thoughts I used to be a teacher and well remember a girl in my A level class who arrived at every lesson 20 minutes late, with no pen/books/any of the other essentials and without having done the work set for that lesson. When I made my dissatisfaction with this clear, she told the Head of Year that we had "a personality clash" Grin

My other favourite from my teaching days was the girl from a large, chaotic family who wrote in the late book that she was late because her hair was full of cornflakes which the baby had thrown at her Grin

applesarerroundandshiny · 07/05/2019 12:30

@feigningabrain perhaps she asked you for a coffee rather than play date with kids because she wants to have an adult friendship rather than everything being around the children. That's not strange.

Knittedfairies · 07/05/2019 13:17

I had a letter from a parent to explain her daughter's absence from school the day before; apparently X had 'dire ear' and 'a cold inside her insides'.

feigningabrain · 07/05/2019 13:22

@applesareroundandshiny the person I was talking about - I asked her for coffee a few times about a year ago, was friendly, open, and she just didn't respond, didn't appear to want friendship, and when we met recently she just wanted to know what our plans were in terms of selling our house, etc, and with hindsight I have assumed that that was the purpose of the coffee, just to find out what we were doing, which wouldn't be strange either, just a bit nosy. She said I had totally misunderstood re play dates and she was very keen on play dates. I don't think I did misunderstand, I think it is clear as mud she doesn't want to do play dates, and if just after adult friendship she could have said that, surely? What do you think?

Fernanie · 07/05/2019 13:48

DH and I once accepted an invitation for lunch at his DP's house about 90 minutes drive away. We turned up at the agreed time only for MIL to answer the door and say actually FIL fancied a nap just now, and could we drive over to the next town for a bit and come back in an hour or two?!

Foxmuffin · 07/05/2019 18:24

@thankyourforthemusic

Was she actually qualified?? Hmm

Lweji · 07/05/2019 18:26

We turned up at the agreed time only for MIL to answer the door and say actually FIL fancied a nap just now, and could we drive over to the next town for a bit and come back in an hour or two?!

Most likely they were having tantric sex.

GetOffTheRoof · 07/05/2019 18:33

DH's bio mum declined our wedding invite with 8 months notice because she couldn't find a dog sitter. She lives 20mins away. Not even a card.

StCharlotte · 07/05/2019 18:46

The late great John Peel ran a similar feature on Home Truths. One of the more memorable excuses was a little lad from Sheffield and it was read in a broad accent that he couldn't do PE because "me aunty's monkey ate me shooorts".

We still use it as an excuse in our house.

thankyourforthemusic · 07/05/2019 18:47

@Foxmuffin
Who knows , but she's the company accountant.
I mean I've worked in finance for years but I can't call myself a accountant.
Very odd but she did do some strange things but that's another thread ...

Warpdrive · 07/05/2019 20:00

This is outing but ah well...

Once I was in a team meeting at work and one of my colleagues was absent so we pressed on without her. After about 20 minutes she burst through the door and announced she was late because earlier that morning she had been preparing her cat's breakfast in her nightie, and had accidentally shit herself and so she had to stay behind and clean the floor. We were all just so shocked that we all nodded sagely and pretended it was an entirely reasonable explanation, not embarrassing for her at all, and carried on with the meeting. To this day I am in awe of her boldness for coming up with something so outrageous that it wasn't questioned at all.

Fernanie · 07/05/2019 20:17

Most likely they were having tantric sex

Thanks Lweji. I'm just off to get some brain bleach 😳

slipperywhensparticus · 07/05/2019 20:41

A crap but true excuse for being late sorry I'm late there is a dog in my garden....you have three cats? I know that's why I'm late! (I had to call the dog warden)

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