MIL demanding to have 3 month old overnight

[ClareSleepy]

Please help me reason with DH my MIL has set up her home like a nursery and has been pressuring to have DD at her place overnight practically since she was born. DH is manipulated by her and always tells me he feels so sorry for her. I've told MIL she can visit us and see her granddaughter whenever she likes but she whinges to DH and plays the victim that she can't have DD overnight at her place. I'm made out to be the villain for saying no and DH and I have just argued again about it it's getting me so down. What can I say to make them both back off?

Just keep saying no thank you!!
I have already had this with MIL and baby isn't here yet. We've been invited to a family members birthday party 3 weeks after due date. Party is 3 hours drive away. Explained to MIL we wouldn't be going and she said 'don't worry I'll have baby overnight'.
I said baby is too young and she kept saying how I might want a night away from baby by then! (No thought that maybe I won't want to go to a party that far away either after giving birth!) I just continued to say politely 'no i don't think so' and she just kept replying 'well you might'. Back and forth! Had to change the subject! Sometimes you just have to smile, nod and ignore!

its a bit worrying that you have to argue about it repeatedly. A clear no should be the end of the discussion. it's one thing to shoot down sleepovers for a much older child but for a 3 year old?

was your mil difficult/demanding before DD was born or is this a new thing.

Do you think this is something you could maybe discuss with HV whilst DH is present? Would he listen?

any other problems ith your DH? he should support you but it doesn't sound like it all. or is it 'only' this one issue?

Can you Google some stuff about overnight visits away from primary caregivers in divorces to show him? I dont think they usually even recommend the non resident parent has overnight access when the baby is that

The courts don't usually order that an under 2 have overnights with their own father (if mother is primary carer) in a divorce. Tell him that and ask why MIL is more important than a father.

Maybe a sleepless night would do her good

My SiL did this when DD was 3 weeks old. When I said maybe another time when she's a bit older, SiL said she was being pushed out of the family as I was soooo mean not to let her have a play with my baby.

As a result we haven't spoken in 18 years and I have to say its worked out marvellously, thoroughly recommend it.

You feel threatened by her.

seriously?
the crap people come up with is something else.

The baby is 3 months old! She is not a toy, the MIL is ridiculous. It's not normal to want to get rid of such a young baby even only for 1 night.

The simple answer to MIL and DH is you're not ready.Tell them continuously going on is not going to make you change your mind.There is no fixed age for this. It's when you're ready and not a moment earlier

this ☝️ and this👇

you have a DH problem

them going on would make me more reluctant to agree

“No. Just no! When hell freezes over.”

Such a responsibility, we watched the grandkids when they were babies but I was glad to return them. Only when begged to. Can’t understand why anyone would want to when so small unless it was an emergency.

if she want a baby overnight let her to have your DH overnight...he's the big baby here.

A baby isn't a toy that everyone has to share and take a turn with. A baby that young should only be apart from their parents if both are happy about it and both are happy with whoever is doing the childcare. You aren't happy, so that's that.

As everyone else has said, your DH needs to grow up and put his mum straight. And the whole topic needs to be dropped.

Tell them no, my DS is 2 and still hasn’t stayed overnight with others

Send your DH to stay with his mother overnight. That’s her baby. The 3 month old is your baby and doesn’t need to be away from you overnight.

"No. Stop asking, you sound like a broken record and my answer will not change."

@Chloemol

No people like that don't call when the baby is destressed, they believe that they know better than the parents.

"When will you be happy to let MIL have your DD overnight?"

Does it have to happen then?

Mine was 23!

Your dh is the problem, he should be with you not against you.
Who demands a baby leaves their mother so young.
Show him this thread has he never read up on babies and parenting?

Just tell him there's no point anyone having the baby as you wouldn't want to spend time with a husband who backs his bunny boiler DM over his wife

Time to be a little more vocal with the both of them.

Say as dd mother I will make the decision as to when I feel and am comfortable with dd staying overnight at anyones house and just so you know it will not be anytime soon, and if you have an issue with this tough.

Imo it's not about you being ready. A baby doesn't need a dgm does it?
It needs a dm. A df is a bonus. A dgm is just an add on!! She should be lucky she sees your dc at all with that bullying attitude!
My ds 4 slept at his dsis's house when he was nearly 4 and understood the concept of a sleepover.
Before that he slept in his own bed every night.
Because that's where he lives.

What on earth is this obsession by grandparents for having small babies overnight? Surely one of the best things about being a grandparent is being able to see the kids during the day and leaving the horrors of night waking to the parents?

But mainly, tell your DH he should bloody well be feeling sorry for his baby, not his mother. She's far too young to spend the night in a strange place with someone other than her parents, she won't understand what on earth is going on and may well be terrified. He has to put her first.

Keep telling her "No thanks. She's not old enough." Don't enter into discussions about when she'll be ready, just say "I don't know, but it won't be anytime soon." Try and zone out of any further discussion. It's not your problem she kitted out a nursery.
If your DH feels sorry for his mum he should take her out to cheer her up.
Under 2 years would be too soon for me.

Could you ‘prep’ your health visitor, then invite your mil over for a coffee when HV is next there and get her to tell her that the baby needs to be with its mum for a long while yet?

Tell her she can have HER baby back for the night. Send your pathetic oh to stay with her if he's so sympathetic to her rather than you. Tell him he can think about staying there permanently if he can't think this through and see that (a) he should be supporting you and (b). It's a stupid idea anyway while baby is so young. If he wasn't encouraging her she wouldn't keep asking.