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Original poster

MIL demanding to have 3 month old overnight

484 replies

ClareSleepy · 03/05/2019 15:59

Please help me reason with DH my MIL has set up her home like a nursery and has been pressuring to have DD at her place overnight practically since she was born. DH is manipulated by her and always tells me he feels so sorry for her. I've told MIL she can visit us and see her granddaughter whenever she likes but she whinges to DH and plays the victim that she can't have DD overnight at her place. I'm made out to be the villain for saying no and DH and I have just argued again about it it's getting me so down. What can I say to make them both back off?

OP posts:
Owwlie · 03/05/2019 16:08

3 months old! That's crazy, no 3 month old needs to stay over anywhere away from their parents.

You need to explain to your DH that until you are both ready for your DD to stay somewhere else then it doesn't happen. Even if that's years away. DDs nearly 2 and has never stayed overnight with anyone else, no way would I have wanted to be away from her for that long at that age.

Remind him that his mother has raised her baby how she liked, your baby is yours to raise.

bumtickler · 03/05/2019 16:08

what a knob then! sorry I`m so angry for you.
as pp suggested: buy her a reborn doll.

Original poster
ClareSleepy · 03/05/2019 16:08

I don't want an argument but this has been going on for weeks and weeks and yes I think some of it has caused PND which I've told DH.

OP posts:
Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 03/05/2019 16:10

DH is manipulated by her and always tells me he feels so sorry for her.

You have a DH problem...

But ultimately just tell them to fuck off

bumtickler · 03/05/2019 16:10

can you call on your health visitor and she explain it to him? people listen to professionals....

Parker231 · 03/05/2019 16:10

Why does your DH think it is appropriate for a 3month old to go on a sleepover? You have a DH problem!

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:10

Explain to Dh that if you end up leaving him because you have depression and he let it happen that even the courts won't give him 50/50 right now.

Hawkinsfirefly99 · 03/05/2019 16:11

Erm no!

RuggerHug · 03/05/2019 16:11

I would say ask her if she'd consider getting a puppy to mind but she might put it in baby grows.

Ask DH and MIL when she first left him with someone else overnight. If she says older, great that's your answer and if she says younger ask 'and was that your choice as a mother or did someone try and force you into something you and the child weren't ready for?'

BruceAndNosh · 03/05/2019 16:11

Ring her up at 3am when the baby won't stop crying and tell her it's her turn

vicky89ford · 03/05/2019 16:12

This is completely unreasonable of your MIL. A simple But firm No is in order here and then I would be pulling my husband aside and telling him to respect your wishes and you will hear no more of it.

Gratefulbeyond103 · 03/05/2019 16:12

Op this was also broached to us but my ds was older. It was a firm no from Me and my dh backed me up immediately.
My dh wouldnt entertain anyone upsetting Me as ds mother and frankly what we say goes.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:12

What is this even about, you see it all the time.

Over night os the worst time of being a parent.

Drogosnextwife · 03/05/2019 16:13

Why do people (mainly other women) feel the need to have to take others kids overnight without their mothers??

Because like the first post says, they want to play mummy. I had this with a family member, she would actually cry (proper tears) to other family members that I didn't trust her blah blah blah. I kept my distance, didn't acknowledge the drama, infact I just let DP deal with it. I have no idea the conversations that went on because I really couldn't give a fuck. My child, I decide where it stays over night, DP does not get to over rule that if I'm not comfortable with it, I wouldn't do that to him.

Hawkinsfirefly99 · 03/05/2019 16:13

I've always said I'd only let my dc stay elsewhere over night when they can talk and can request they stay elsewhere, with full comprehension that it will be ALL night and that I won't be there.

MrsMozartMkII · 03/05/2019 16:14

I think I'd have flipped by now.

She's only just 3 months old and they've been on at you since she wad born? Y'up. I'd have definitely told them both to bog off.

SandyY2K · 03/05/2019 16:14

The simple answer to MIL and DH is you're not ready.

Tell them continuously going on is not going to make you change your mind.

There is no fixed age for this. It's when you're ready and not a moment earlier.

Cheby · 03/05/2019 16:15

If you’ve tried being polite and they’re still harassing you, then now it’s ok to be rude. Tell them to stop asking, it’s not going to happen.

Ninkaninus · 03/05/2019 16:15

She can demand all she likes. You will just have to keep saying no.

And your DH really needs to sort himself out. What a twat, arguing with you about it.

Tell them both to back the fuck off.

Orchidflower1 · 03/05/2019 16:15

No just no!!!
To quote another MN Classic

“You have a DH problem not a MIL problem”

Although to be fair I think you have both.

It’s your baby not hers- she’s had hers and you married him. She can baby him again if you divorce him- which might not be beyond the realms of possibility if he continues with his twunky behaviour.

Itsnotmesothere · 03/05/2019 16:18

No reasonable person would want to take a baby away from its mother overnight! It's three months old! It's awful that she keeps asking. DS was two when my mum first took him as he'd given his night feeds up. She wouldn't have dreamt of asking any sooner.

I do agree with Bertrand though. You'll be gagging for a break later so be polite and firm and let her think it's a strong possibility but in the future
P.S. the future is not next week.

Chloemol · 03/05/2019 16:20

You know what, Lee her have the child for a night, get her really tired and grouchy and hand her over with a don’t hesitate to call if you have issues and we will come and collect. I give it two hours before she calls

youngscrappyandhungry · 03/05/2019 16:20

You've tried gentle, you've tried firm but kind, neither of which has worked. Now is the time to go full mama bear. Something along the lines of "MIL, I've told you I'm not ready yet. If and when that changes, I'll let you know, but frankly I've had it with the manipulation and guilt trips and going behind my back to my husband. The next time you ask me about it, the conversation/visit will be over and I'll add another month onto when I'll allow overnight visitation. The same will also apply for DH asking me on your behalf. If you keep this up, DD will be a teenager before you are allowed to keep her overnight. Drop it."

It may sound harsh, but if you say it in a pleasant, neutral tone of voice with direct eye contact, it should get across the message that you're serious and won't be bullied into submission. The most important thing you can do is actually stick to what you say. If she asks or hints after that, look her dead in the eye and say "that's an extra month, MIL. It's time for you to leave" and escort her to the door.

Omzlas · 03/05/2019 16:20

"I'm not ready for this yet, please stop asking me"

Rinse and repeat.

She's had her time with a newborn, you need yours, them bullying you is unfair and unnecessary

IncrediblySadToo · 03/05/2019 16:21

🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣😂

Tell them to STFU about it because it’s NOT happening.

‘Over my dead body is anyone taking my 12 week old baby away from me. If I hear one more thing about this, YOU will be moving into her fucking nursery’

...and mean it.

Have you been to your GP about the PND? You need to if you haven’t 🌷

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