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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected 'boyfriend' to not have made separate bills while at the bar

195 replies

msdjames · 02/05/2019 14:16

Went for lunch on break yesterday to a well known pub chain. I chose what I wanted (came to four pound). Gave the guy I've been seeing on and off for over a year ten pounds to cover my bill.

He came back and he'd made two separate orders. And then gave me my change.

We are currently not together due to personal issues that we are working on to make the relationship better. But he's says it's extremely serious and we will be together soon.

Me giving him the ten pound. And him using it means we are not at all serious imo. I'm not complaining at all btw. I just want to get a general consensus here. (Would work if the roles had been reversed too and I had been the one making separate bills)

OP posts:

Pigsinduvets · 02/05/2019 19:09

You are right. He shouldn’t be abusing you. But he will carry on abusing you for the rest of your life if you stay with him. He won’t change.

NorthernKnickers · 02/05/2019 19:12

Fuck me! That's 10 minutes of my life I'm never getting back 🤦‍♀️

OP, you really need to learn how to write with clarity!

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 02/05/2019 19:16

He should have done whatever he wanted with the tenner.

He SHOULDNT be verbally abusing me for me saying we arnt in that place!

So, is it his verbal abuse of you that means you're not in a relationship, or the debt, or the tenner? I'm more confused now.

What would you have thought your relationship status was if he'd come back to the table, handed you your £10 back and said "don't worry, I picked up both lunches. My treat."?

I still think you deserve better.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 02/05/2019 19:16

You should talk to some in real life. Friend? Some support?
The fact that you concentrated on the split bills rather than the fact he is talking to you like this worries me.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 02/05/2019 19:37

Is his name Boswell?

FlyingMonkeys · 02/05/2019 19:38

Hang on - so you discussed your debt after the £4 sandwich? Did it end up with you huffing because his isn't serious about you because you paid for your own sandwich, and this raised the fact you're in debt. He then offered to loan you the money to clear your debt? You then refused this, and he then shouted at you?

DanielRicciardosSmile · 02/05/2019 19:40

Is his name Boswell?

Noooooooooooooooooo I'd actually succeeded in forgetting bloddy sodding Boswell and now I'm back to being annoyed that I never did find out why he went to the effing post office.

Shelby2010 · 02/05/2019 19:40

I think what OP means is that if they were in a serious relationship then they would take it in turns paying for lunch. Most people would only split a small bill like that if they were unlikely to be able to reciprocate the favour at a later date and didn’t know the other person well.

The OP is taking the fact that he didn’t suggest paying & assumed that OP wasn’t offering to pay, as evidence that they don’t operate as a couple.

OP, just tell him it isn’t going to work & move on. You don’t need to prove it to him, it’s your choice. Life is too short.

bridgetreilly · 02/05/2019 19:41

This thread isn't drip feed, this thread is full on burying the lede.

Whatever he did or didn't do with the £10 is absolutely irrelevant. The rest of the story makes clear that this is not a relationship that the OP should be pursuing in any way, no matter how lovely he might appear to be at times.

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 19:45

What would you have thought your relationship status was if he'd come back to the table, handed you your £10 back and said "don't worry, I picked up both lunches. My treat."?

Honestly I think she'd have jumped for joy and decided he really was serious about her. And yes, one day they would be in a relationship. Swoon.

I'm sure she will deny it, but it's fairly obvious.

ThatLibraryMiss · 02/05/2019 20:29

The OP is taking the fact that he didn’t suggest paying & assumed that OP wasn’t offering to pay, as evidence that they don’t operate as a couple.

But if she handed over her tenner before he could offer to pay he could have taken it as evidence that she didn't want to operate as a couple.

None of us can know what happened, except OP and she doesn't seem to be sure.

It's all very odd.

OP seems to have wanted us all to say he was horrible so she could show him the thread and tell him the people on the internet agree with her. To what end, I'm not at all clear.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 02/05/2019 20:46

I think you're right, @Bluntness100

Flobochin · 02/05/2019 20:58

I'm so confused with this thread, i think I'm on another planet.

ReadMyLipss · 02/05/2019 21:23

I still want to know what the right answer is!!!

What should be have done with the £10 to prove that it's a serious relationship (as he claims) in your eyes??

I'll never know what the right answer is if you don't tell us.

Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 21:30

The right answer was for him to hand it back, buy her lunch and maybe suggest she gets the next one, to show there would be a next one.

The wrong answer was to let her pay for her lunch and give her change, because it tells rhe op he was leading her on. and he doesn't see them as serious and they won't be in a relationship any time "soon".

I think the confusion is because this is what the op is asking for confirmation of, that her read on it is correct, but she keeps trying to pretend she doesn't wish a relationship with him and just wants it casual, which of còurse then makes the question totally non sensical

Basically she's looking for signs he means what he says when he says it's serious and they will be together soon. And she sees this as a sign he doesn't wish that really.

DanSal · 03/05/2019 09:08

Why sentiments exactly!

PeachesAndMayo · 03/05/2019 09:12

That's what I thought. She'd have been writing in complaining that her meal was £4 she gave him £10 and she only got £2 back after he 50/50 the bill. I thought he was trying to show he was not cheating her.

englishdictionary · 03/05/2019 09:13

I don't see how you can draw any conclusion about your relationship based on how he paid.

Some married people keep their money this separate. Some friends are less rigid. How he deals with money isn't an indication of anything.

Communication is clearly lacking.

NCforthis2019 · 03/05/2019 09:16

Jesus fucking Christ. Grow up OP! You’re not in a relationship! You said it - casual. He gave you your change - which is what friends do right? Casual.

Why are you so desperate to look for something that isn’t there. Move on for the sake of your child. Do you really have time to be doing this - playing games, seeing what he might do with the tenner and that would point to what he really meant re the relationship?

GreytExpectations · 03/05/2019 09:30

Such a confusing thread! OP, you really need to learn to write with much more clarity. This hardly makes any sense! Its gone form you be annoyed he didn't pay for your lunch (when you gave him money to oay your share) to you now being annoyed he verbally abuses you. Why not have just made a thread about how you don't want a relationship with him because he verbally abuses you? I don't understand why the sandwich and the £10 is even relevant to the point you are trying to make. Actually, I don't even understand the point of your post

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