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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have expected 'boyfriend' to not have made separate bills while at the bar

195 replies

msdjames · 02/05/2019 14:16

Went for lunch on break yesterday to a well known pub chain. I chose what I wanted (came to four pound). Gave the guy I've been seeing on and off for over a year ten pounds to cover my bill.

He came back and he'd made two separate orders. And then gave me my change.

We are currently not together due to personal issues that we are working on to make the relationship better. But he's says it's extremely serious and we will be together soon.

Me giving him the ten pound. And him using it means we are not at all serious imo. I'm not complaining at all btw. I just want to get a general consensus here. (Would work if the roles had been reversed too and I had been the one making separate bills)

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/05/2019 16:11

I'm fairly sure you can get a three course meal and a bottle of wine at spoons for four quid 🤣

lookingelsewhere · 02/05/2019 16:12

But he's says it's extremely serious

Well he sure is right about that! Seriously WTAF?!

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:21

No he's not stringing me along. No one else involved (other than perhaps my child). It's sad everyone on Mumsnet jumps straight to affairs Sad no one is stringing anyone along. It's just we wouldn't work in our current situation.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2019 16:22

I still don’t understand why his behaviour in the situation is an indicator he’s not serious.

Viques
Grin Flowers Flowers pretty

Pigsinduvets · 02/05/2019 16:23

£4 buys a sandwich in Wetherspoons if you live north of the Trent.

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:27

I've read all the replies and you've all got the wrong way of the story (or added bits onto the story yourselfs as I have been very vague) . I think I'll leave the thread now as it's not very helpful anymore other than the fact that this is indeed not a serious relationship and I shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable by not letting him into my private money worries. Thanks all!!

OP posts:
LiverpoolVictoria · 02/05/2019 16:30

Thanks for the explanation did that happen?! I'm still lost and confused...

Shoxfordian · 02/05/2019 16:31

We've all got the wrong way of the story because you've been very vague!

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:32

Yes guys I've said I've been vague! You all need more detail to answer me clearly and I don't want to go into that

But cheers anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:33

And like I said. You've all pretty much answered but want to know more detail. 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
ThatLibraryMiss · 02/05/2019 16:34

But we still don't know what test you set him and what you expected of him!

Never mind, OP, someone somewhere in the thread of people saying, Wait... what? has told you what you wanted to hear so you've won this round of your game. Poor bloke, I hope he finds someone a lot more straightforward next time he's trying for a serious relationship.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 02/05/2019 16:36

What..?

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/05/2019 16:36

This is making my brain hurt. 🙄

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:37

It wasn't a game. The thought didn't enter my head until he kicked off at me for not letting him pay my bill.

And poor bloke when he's calling me all kinds of names for not accepting his money?

Like I said. You've all clearly made your own assumptions on it. Which is fine. But I don't need any more advice now as its the complete wrong end of the stick.

And no not one person has said what I wanted them to say. You've all said it's odd and not a relationship. So thank you.

OP posts:
number1wang · 02/05/2019 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyLife21 · 02/05/2019 16:54

And no not one person has said what I wanted them to say. You've all said it's odd and not a relationship

So you do want a relationship with him Confused

My bet is he’s a stoner.

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 16:59

Your bet is wrong

OP posts:
goodwinter · 02/05/2019 17:05

PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU WANTED HIM TO DO WITH THE £10, OP!!

Not getting separate bills.
Not giving it back to you.
So....?

Please god.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 02/05/2019 17:09

So he calls you all kinds of names because you won't accept his help for your debt.

Bin him.

I sort of get what you mean about paying for the sandwich but I think the name calling is enough to just say fuck this and ghost him.

Flobochin · 02/05/2019 17:10

@msdjames And no not one person has said what I wanted them to say.

What did you want to hear?

Ellisandra · 02/05/2019 17:11

Why do you want to be this man?
A man who calls you names?
Please, just cut ties with this arsehole.

Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 17:13

I didn't care what he did with the ten pound!

But by doing what he did means we arnt in a place where he should be verbally abusing me for not letting him help with my debt.

To clarify. By him making separate bills at the bar, it points to the fact we arnt in this place.

OP posts:
Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 17:14

I know what I need to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
msdjames · 02/05/2019 17:14

Need to wise up and do it. Sad

OP posts:
Pa1oma · 02/05/2019 17:24

I think I understand you OP!!!

So you were reticent to let him help you out with your debt (understandably). But the fact he was insisting and indinuosting it was ok because you are essentially in a relationship anyway, led you to question whether you indeed are in a relationship.

So you were semi in this frame of mind when you went for lunch.

Then you gave him the £10. Now if he’d wanted it to be a date (as consistent with him offering the money for the debt), then he should have given you the £10 back. But no. He used it to split the bill which is a contradiction.

Hence the confusion.

I’m not sure what he’s doing really, but you need to decide what you want before trying to fathom his actions.

Where can you get lunch for £4 and what was it?

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