Naming step parents as grandparents?

[Ellieisdancing]

So just want advice from other people to see what their thoughts are or if they've had similar themselves.

So both my partners parents are separated and are now remarried to their new partners.

So my little girl is now 4 weeks old and I've had a few conversations with his Mom about naming her new husband Grandad. She feels that her new husband is going to have more of a part in our daughters life, as my father in law lives abroad and will rarely see her. So she's asked various times for us to call him Grandad (his name) to which we've both replied no, we would like him to be known as (his name) and for our daughter to decide who she wants him to be as she grows up. But she's now insisting that we give him a different name such as Papa then he feels he has more of a role in her life.

Now his Dad never asked, he just presumed his wife would become grandma (her name) and has continued to use this until she was born.

The problem me and partner both have with it, is that my parents are grandparents and both his Mom and Dad and if we start naming their other halves the same not only will our little girl get confused as to who is who. But both his parents will use this as a competitive gain to gain the effects of our daughter and to use it against each other. Between his parents it all becomes a bit of a competition. His Mom is using the fact that her husband lives nearer (and not the other side of the world) and keeps saying her husband will take our little girl out, show her how to ride a bike etc etc. Your father in law can't do that. Then my father in law just uses the excuse that he has quite a bit of money and will often flash that around to make himself better than the other. It's all playground tactics and we don't want our daughter being dragged into that.

So any advice?

I would call the step parents grandma her name and grandad his name. My DH parents are split and my MIL re-married, he is know as grandad his name. She won t get confused just have 2 extra grandparents.
You need to talk to your PIL, tell them you will except their new partners as grandparents, but the tit for tat has to stop, or all access will be withdrawn until they can grow up.

Not confusing at all - I had step parents & therefore step grandparents- made me feel more welcome & included to call them family names.
However my step mum prefers to be called by her name to my DD, my step dad is Grandpa though.
Whatever you all feel most comfortable with, I guess.

You're overthinking this. Children do not get muddled up about their various relatives. They accept whatever is the norm as normal.

I'm a SGM. My grandchildren call me Granny P (my initial). It's that simple.

My brother was married to my ex SIL for five years. They split up well over twenty years ago. She has two daughters that are my brother's ex step daughters. He has been married to his current wife for twenty years. Both of these now adult women call my brother dad and he and his wife are grandparents to their children. They have a beautiful family dynamic based on love, none of the grandchildren are confused.

You lost me at the third paragraph that started with ‘so’.

I always called my step grandparents by “grandparent name” no confusion here! And I felt lucky to have so many grandparents.. I also had great grandparents to add into the mix which we also called grandparents.

I'd say go for it, let all of them feel involved and equal. I grew up with 3 grandma's and 3 grandad's and always felt ever so lucky. At the end of the day, whatever you name them it wont change the dynamics of how his family is. Plus my step dad is 'grandpa' to my children, he's been there just as much as anyone else since they were born and we wanted him to feel included. But all you can do is go with your gut feeling, and this was mine.

I think you are over thinking it. You wouldn’t generally call a step parent mum or dad as you only have 1 actual one but you can have lots of grandparents. My dc did and have never been confused. They also called my grandparents Grandma/Grandad even though they knew they weren’t technically. They added the first name to differentiate ie. grandad John grandma jean etc
I’m a step parent - I wouldn’t dream of being called mum but I would like any grandchildren to call me Grandma.

We do first names

Grandad John
Granny Jane

she won't be confused. my daughter has 6 grandparents and all called nana and grandad. She's 5 and we all know who we are talking about and I think it's great she has so many people who adore her

Have no idea why you would be against this. Jealously perhaps. Why can't your child have additional GP's?

I know why you worry op. I didn't want my dc to get swept up in all the drama either. I worried too as my dc have 3 papas and a load of step gps as both mine and dhs parents are divorced and remarried. I agree with previous posters, we call the steps Granny Mary for example. My own Mum always forces the issue of her husband being grandad but in reality my dc hardly see them so never call him that. My Dad's wife once called herself granny to my dc reply "you're not my granny." Children can see through it all and will call them what they want in the end. My mum and my Dad's wife are fiercely competitive over who comments first on my niece's photos and whatsapp posts etc, it's a bit sad really.