Naming step parents as grandparents?

[Ellieisdancing]

So just want advice from other people to see what their thoughts are or if they've had similar themselves.

So both my partners parents are separated and are now remarried to their new partners.

So my little girl is now 4 weeks old and I've had a few conversations with his Mom about naming her new husband Grandad. She feels that her new husband is going to have more of a part in our daughters life, as my father in law lives abroad and will rarely see her. So she's asked various times for us to call him Grandad (his name) to which we've both replied no, we would like him to be known as (his name) and for our daughter to decide who she wants him to be as she grows up. But she's now insisting that we give him a different name such as Papa then he feels he has more of a role in her life.

Now his Dad never asked, he just presumed his wife would become grandma (her name) and has continued to use this until she was born.

The problem me and partner both have with it, is that my parents are grandparents and both his Mom and Dad and if we start naming their other halves the same not only will our little girl get confused as to who is who. But both his parents will use this as a competitive gain to gain the effects of our daughter and to use it against each other. Between his parents it all becomes a bit of a competition. His Mom is using the fact that her husband lives nearer (and not the other side of the world) and keeps saying her husband will take our little girl out, show her how to ride a bike etc etc. Your father in law can't do that. Then my father in law just uses the excuse that he has quite a bit of money and will often flash that around to make himself better than the other. It's all playground tactics and we don't want our daughter being dragged into that.

So any advice?

My son is adopted, so no blood relation at all to anyone in my family. He calls or refers to everyone by their corrrect title, uncle, auntie, cousin. My mum's husband is in fact my stepdad, they did not marry until I was in my 20s so he had no role in my unpbringing. But they have been married over 30 years. He is grandad to all my mum's grandchildren, biological and adopted. My son even calls my long dead grandparents grandad and nanny. And of course he has two sets of birth family grandparents. He isnt confused at all.
I think this is more about the feelings towards the biological grandparents respective spouses.
Your child won't be confused.

Way overthinking
Our children had 3 sets of grandparents, they were more than happy to call them all Nanny (a) and Grandad (a) etc, never caused an issue. They now only have 2 Nannies left - be grateful for what you have and the love they can bring to each other.

Totally over thinking. It will be lovely for her to have so many grandparents who love her and want to be involved. Surely it can't be that unusual either.
I have a few step families through re marriage after death. I think all the extra aunties and uncles and grandparents teaches kids that families can be different shapes and sizes and helps them to be a bit more open minded.

You’re definitely overthinking this. My DSis is a stepmum and her DSS has 2 DC, and she definitely sees herself as a granny to them. My DM is granny to DSS, because DSis’s own DC call her this.

Then DSS’s actual maternal granny has always visited regularly and DSis’s DC call her Granny (first name).

I don’t think you can ever have too many GPS. I’m as someone whose GPs were already dead when I was a small child. (Three of them were dead long before I was born and one grandmother died when I was very small.)

My advice? You should embrace the fact that all these grandparents want to play an active role in your DD’s life.

And I also am adoptive parent. My DDs have only 2 grandmothers (Gramny and Grandma) as both grandfathers are dead. They refer to all our family members by the normal titles as well, as they are fully members of both families.

But at some point, they will come to understand that they have biological grandparents who are still alive. We’ve focused on the birth parents and siblings so far. (But at 10 and 7 this will soon change.)

My Granddaughter, who is just three, knows full well she has three sets of GPs. She has Nanny and Granddad (daddy's parents), Nanna and Granddad (mummys Daddy and his wife) and Granny and Grumpy (mummys mummy and partner)

All of the Grandparents manage to be glad that our DGDs (there is a one year old as well, who really only wants mummy) have lots of people to love and spoil them!

Our kids (blended family) call all grandparents including step grandparents granny, nanny, grandad etc. They seriously do not get confused. Ours never asked us though and one (step) grandad and granny were particularly touched and thrilled they were called grandad as they had no kids or grandkids of their own.

My husband is "Grandad" to my youngest daughter's children. That started when her eldest (then an only) child asked him if he could call him Grandad. The others all call him by his first name. He is happy with either name, and we have never pushed either name. I always sign cards from Nana and name to my other grandchildren. When referring to their other Grandfathers, the children use Grandad Moustache and Grandad name, and my husband is plain Grandad. They don't appear to get confused.

I am Nana to my step grandchildren, and my DH is grandad to his step grandchildren. They are the children of our children so we are their grandparents. We don’t differentiate by blood.

My children called my late in laws Nanny and Grandad and were treated exactly the same as the ‘blood’ grandchildren, Christmas and Birthdays were equal. And in their will they inherited the same amounts.

I would just go with grandad (surname), so for example grandad Smith. That way everyone can be happy

I grew up with step grandparents. 6 grandparents in total.

I was never confused, each grand parent had a different name. Nannie X, Poppa X, Nanna X, etc etc

I just remember asking my mum one day why I had 6 grandparents and she explained that Nannie and Poppa used to be married to each other but now they're married to other people. That was that and I never thought about it again.

I'm pregnant now and my husbands parents are both split. My dad passed away a few years back so this baby will have 5 grandparents. I'm going to let them be called whatever they want. Or Nanna X, Nanna Y and Nannie Z if needs be. It doesn't bother me. I don't think it's particularly confusing for a child. Family is family, it doesn't matter if they're blood relatives or step relatives in my view.

Our DDs have 7 Grandparents, due to various divorces and remarriages between mine and DH's parents. We've named them:

Nanny (my DM)
Papa (DM's DH)
Grandad (my DstepF, who I call 'Dad')
Grumpy (my biological Father)
Granny (DH's DM)
Grandpa (DH's DM's DH)
Grandad Bob (DH's DF)

There are loads of variations you can go with, I'd choose your favourites and refer to those GPs you're closest to as that, and your DD will follow your example.

I have step parents and both are known as grandparents. My DC love having 6 GPs! It wasn't even an issue it just seemed fair.

I genuinely don't see a problem with step-parents being grandparents. What I am getting is that you don't like that they have told you what they want to do rather than you deciding....

Yes we have lots of step-family/ half siblings etc. We use Grandad/ Grandma-name and make no distinction between cousins, auntie, uncle etc regardless of blood connections. It has improved relations all round actually and DD's are proud of their great big family. As am I now I come to think of it!

My mums step dad has been my grandad my whole life. The only male role model I have had. The blood related ones were shit.

DFIL was my DHs stepfather, DD just knew him as grandad and had the most wonderful relationship with him. They thought the world of one another, even though DD is still young. He sadly passed away very suddenly and DD misses him terribly. Irrespective of whether he was a step parent or not, he loved our DD unconditionally.

Your daughter is lucky to have so many grandparents. Don’t overthink it, life is too short.

I’m an honorary aunt to several of my close friends kids. When they were small i’m Sure they didn’t all understand the relationships but once they got bigger they did.

Being “auntie” has been useful when out and about with them minus a parent. One family (ironically the one I have done most informal childcare for) don’t do honorary aunt titles so to their kids I’m “my opinionated” (always with the “my”). It took about 3 years in their small school for some people to Twig I wasn’t the Nanny. Also provided an interesting insight into how badly some people patronise Nannies!

We also discovered quite late in the day that the school staff thought I was another child ..... made me question quite how trips/treats and boring afternoons i’d been in charge for had been portrayed!

So actually if this person is going to be involved with your DD giving her a coventional title might make things easier!

Ridiculous kids cope with having more than one granddad, millions do. Nobody gets confused.
Obviously you don’t like your mil.

Just use different names.
Granny
Gran
Nan
Grandma
Nanny
Grandad
Grandpa
Pops
Papa
Etc

Mine have seven people that have that role although three are honorary.
Three have the term followed by their name, the other four have names we gave them but one had a change of name because the eldest couldn't say it properly so it stuck in the new format.

My DD had 5 grandparents & as a consequence 11 great grandparents & 1 great, great grandparent when she was little. She never got confused.
Some were known as Granny/Grandad names, others Granny/Grandad surname & some she decided on her own names for as she grew up. If you’re happy for them to take on a grandparent role, there’s no harm in the title.

Stop getting so stressed about it - your lucky daughter will have more than 4 grandparents. So what? Result for her. End of. Can't see the problem.

My dc have Grandma Ann & Grandad Bob (my parents), Nana Claire (xh's mum) & Grandpa Dave & Granny Emma (xh's father, now deceased, ' his long term partner).

This has never bothered any of the dc. It seriously pissed off xmil that xfil's dp got to be a Granny (she was OW & they hated each other) BUT she's always been very involved & adored being a grandparent - never had her own children, basically because xfil was an arse who conducted a long term (we're talking decades here) affair with her before being caught & burning his bridges with xmil.

Having since split up acrimoniously with xh, neither 'Claire' nor 'Emma' speak to me at all! Which is fine. They're both doting grandmothers & dc are lucky to have them.

Honestly, if the generation above you are all in long term relationships, I'd let this one go. I'd draw a line if 'Grandpa' was some bloke Grandma met down the pub last week (or vice versa) but otherwise, it's fine.

I am a stepmother my step children always called me by my Christian name. I would never have wanted to be called mum. However with their children I am called Nanny Double and my DH their actual Grandad is called Grandad. My DH's ex is called Nanny and her DH is called Grandad John. Simples.