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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

405 replies

Blankiefan · 01/05/2019 20:09

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 02/05/2019 20:13

Children don't get to an age where it's suddenly the right time to bring up subjects like gender stereotyping, consent, equality. These things need to be a part of their everyday conversations from day one.

As an early years practitioner, you talk to babies and let them know you're going to change their nappies. As they get older, you seek their consent to hold them, dress them, etc. You teach them about personal space, only hugging someone who welcomes it, etc. You also talk about what's happening in books; what people might be feeling, why they are doing things, whether those things are OK. It's just an integral part of working with small children.

The conversations change as the children mature so that they are equipped to understand bodily autonomy and consent in age appropriate ways at all times. There are good reasons behind this.

It's perfectly appropriate to have these conversations with children younger than five and they can be triggered by films, stories, pictures, toys or anything else they come across that seems appropriate in those specific circumstances. It doesn't need to suck the joy out of anything.

I agree that the OP doesn't need to contact the teacher about this but that's because I'm damned sure the teacher has this angle covered already as part of his or her planning. If it isn't covered, it will be in some other way and the OP can cover it with her own child at home.

Nobody has to say that the prince shouldn't kiss sleeping beauty. The point is that you're having a conversation, exchanging views and creating opportunities for critical thinking. It's completely appropriate to conclude that he was perfectly lovely for waking her up that way.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 02/05/2019 20:21

I have no issues with children being taught fairytales,they were taught to children of my generation,the world's gone PC and snowflake bonkers.
Yes you are that parent...!

For the record, I'm anti feminist, just to nail my colours to the mast,so to speak.

corinne97 · 02/05/2019 20:39

Think fairytales are problematic, but if she doesn't hear them at school she will still come across them outside of school. Just discuss the issues with her yourself.

Sb74 · 02/05/2019 20:41

op - it’s this kind of nonsense that is making the world ridiculous. Get a grip. It’s innocent fun. Heard it all now. The fact you are so serious and convinced it’s the right thing to do is just bewildering.

Smileyk · 02/05/2019 20:49

Maybe the prince kissing her sounds better
than mouth to mouth resuscitation. Or would that require permission too??

Loki1983 · 02/05/2019 21:01

Haha, itself not a real post Grin and if it is, YABVU!

MdNdD · 02/05/2019 21:02

Go be that parent, I think it is a ridiculous idea!!

If you need, find some moral support in the playground first so you know you are not alone.

And if it helps, i discuss (in an age appropriate manner) consent with my three kids who are aged 6,7 and 9. Like asking permission before kissing someone. I feel quite strongly about this so it is something I have talked about to my kids.

I am quite anti fairy-take so I am totally on your side!

101waystoworry · 02/05/2019 21:12

@rasberryroyale He does, the only reason she wakes up is because she gives birth to twins and one of the babies sucks the flax out of her finger! Shock

Turnitaroundagain · 02/05/2019 21:18

Err it could be worse

NikolaPiccola · 02/05/2019 21:19

Honestly, that's sort of ridiculous. Fairytales are great and personally, I have loved them as a child and still do now and yet I knew that a girl doesn't need a man to do anything! Let kids be kids for gods sake!

Bodear · 02/05/2019 21:22

OP, I agree with you and can’t believe you’re getting such a hard time. We need more women like you are and your daughter will grow into.

gingerbiscuits · 02/05/2019 21:23

This HAS to be a piss take, surely?! 🤣

shrumps · 02/05/2019 21:26

Consent issue!? Brilliant! Probably one of the maddest posts I've read on here.

Mumtobe1608 · 02/05/2019 21:28

I am not anti fairytales. However I do agree with the OP. I have a huge issue with The 12 Dancing Princeses, the princes who don’t succeed are killed. The prince that succeeds in finding out where they go dancing is rewarded by the king. He gets to choose which daughter to marry, and he chooses the youngest! I had a chat to my daughters about consent and my issues with the story. I explained to them that all women have the right to choose who they marry. I also complained to the school. They still continue to send out this book as a reader, I refuse to read it and take it as another opportunity to talk to my girls about their choices.

FastLane46 · 02/05/2019 21:31

You won't be that parent, you are that parent!
It's just stories. If it bugs you that much then write your own fairy tales

ToftyAC · 02/05/2019 21:33

Jesus wept! Just let kids be kids ffs.

dilemma74 · 02/05/2019 21:59

Children don't get to an age where it's suddenly the right time to bring up subjects like gender stereotyping, consent, equality. These things need to be a part of their everyday conversations from day one.

This ^

My kids come home repeating all kids of shite to do with gender roles. While I wouldn’t bother saying anything to the teacher (as this thread demonstrates, so many people seem totally incapable of critical thinking, so you’d probably be wasting your breath), I sure as hell teach them to question the things they hear. We actually use fairytales as examples of why stereotypes are harmful and wrong, and my DC have started to point these things out for themselves (“why are the pilots in this book all men?”, “why does my teacher assume it’s mum who cooks dinner and not dad?” etc.) Basically, I’d pick your battles with school but carry on teaching your kids at home to be critical of what they hear and not just accept everything they’re told, in stories or otherwise.

nuxe1984 · 02/05/2019 22:06

If we try and wipe out every incidence of gender stereotyping in every books or film then we'll have hardly anything left to read or watch. I was brought up on traditional fairy tales (and with a mother who fulfilled the traditional role at home) and, trust me, I'm nothing like that. My 2 daughters were also brought up on those fairy tales (not to mention Disney princesses) and they're not like that either!
It's all a matter of balance. There's some great books out there that feature empowering girls (have a look at www.amightygirl.com) but the most important influence is you … how you behave, what you say, your role within the family/house.
Children are very good at discerning the difference between make-believe stories and the real deal ...

nuxe1984 · 02/05/2019 22:11

Mumtobe1608

If you want a modern alternative to The Twelve Dancing princesses, try The Restless Girls by Jessie Burton

Geraniumpink · 02/05/2019 22:11

Fascinating division of opinions on this thread. Fairy tales, Aesop’s fables, Greek and Roman myths, Bible stories etc all deserve a place in children’s literature, but with an accompanying acknowledgement that they are from a long time ago, with different values.
I came across a school where there was a pink corner for girls - labelled as such- this was not very long ago.

sunshinemode · 02/05/2019 22:19

I think it’s really great that all those posting on here understand consent. I work with teens and so many of them boys and girls truly do not understand this and are often confused by it. This is the reason why some many young girls feel guilt when sexually assaulted. Maybe if we taught kids in an age appropriate way how to have a voice and be respected they wouldn’t reach 14 and think it’s ok for a boy to pressure the into sex because it just shows he fancies her.

RasberryRoyale · 02/05/2019 22:21

@101waystoworry I didn’t know she had twins. Makes a kiss seem like nothing.

Villageidiots · 02/05/2019 22:26

Batshit crazy woman. So typical of mumsnet. Glad that I read merely for the irony.

smidgeymum · 02/05/2019 22:31

I hate rudeness on mumsnet but I'm sorry you're being ridiculous

CasanovaFrankenstein · 02/05/2019 22:33

Have to say, they are never “just stories”! They are always a reflection of the society they’ve come out of, so it’s worth considering the motivation behind them.

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