to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

[Blankiefan]

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

@justarandomtricycle agreed. But it's not the people who find it worth discussing consent with children alongside fairytales who are being rude or dismissive of other worldviews.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks

She called me an idiot, I'm just standing up for myself. Is that okay with you?

You’re not wrong, OP. You’re just on the wrong board for this kind of discussion.

I’d collect some of the excellent books about traditional and non traditional princesses and discuss with your daughter how she feels about princesses and the heroes of these stories. You can provide context and nuance at home, and should, to counter the strong messages of fairytale ideology.

CBA with being insulted and with the ignorance on this thread.

Disney basic edit fairy tale versions are not our cultural heritage. There are a lot more interesting stories and mythologies that do not contain the ridiculous early 1900s narrative of female submission.

Parents have a right to care about the messages their children are given. If you don't think kids learn lessons at age 5, whats the point in them getting taught at all?

I know a number of primary school teachers with very conscientious views on gender and I'm 100% certain that if they were telling these stories, they would give them context and commentary. Surely that's the point of teaching? To discuss the stories? To think critically? Teach our kids to actually think things through??

If you think that age 5 is too young to be taught about body autonomy, or consent, then at what stage to you actually want them to unlearn that submissive bs?

I'll leave you all to it and go back to teaching my daughters that if anyone touches them without their consent, they are well within their rights to punch them square in the jaw.

She called me an idiot

No I didn't. I said it was an idiotic thing to say. To paraphrase your words, sorry you struggle with comprehension

Maybe they should make some fairytales about how women could communicate together without turning everything into an unnecessary fight🙄

I'm glad I grew up in different times! I 'm glad my mother and father could indulge me in fairytales without having to worry about raising the issue of consent and female equality every time. And funnily enough, I've completely managed to understand that what happened in my childhood books wasn't really relevant to reality. I have even managed to learn what constitutes consent without having to analyze sleeping beauty. Oh, and I also managed not to be traumatised by a wolf eating pigs, and hens and goats- and I even coped when the wolf died in a pot of boiling water!. Forget disney- read your children the proper versions- The Frog Prince, Rumplestiltskin and Cinderella are all quite dark and macabre if you seek out the original versions. Disney haven't improved them- they've made them quite meaningless- the original messages are better and there's hardly a submissive princess in sight!

ha ha ha. Nice one.

I am, of course, assuming that your post is a joke. I just don't see any other way to read it.

If it's not a joke, your daughter is 5. Please let her just enjoy some unimportant stuff like everyone else. And yes, fairytales for 5 year olds that they won't care about very soon, are not important.

No..... Stop typing. They're not.

Again OP, you seem to be way way over-thinking it. This isn't about gender or 'patriarchal roles'. This is about harmless fairytales for CHILDREN. Most of us grew up on these and yet still managed to understand about consent. It is not an either/or proposition like you are suggesting, like as if the majority of us are somehow furthering 'patriarchal roles'. I think you take yourself too seriously, and your issues with gender and patriarchal roles far too seriously. It is not that deep!! She is 5 years old, ffs. She doesn't need to learn about 'patriarchal roles' vs feminism at 5 years old. Your latest post shows you simply do not get it, and haven't taken anything in.

Your kind of parenting is the reason young people cannot cope in the real world today.
I really can't even be arsed to go into it further..... there's no point .
You have got it so wrong I don't even know where to start.
Sigh.

Oh please FUCK OFF!!!

You are absolutely NBU. Your child is ideal age to be taught body autonomy, consent and to not be passive in her own narrative. If the school won't do it, it gives you an opener to question the traditional story lines at home and give her a broader understanding. Be 'that parent' or attitudes will never change.

Poor child. What a joyless childhood she’ll have if OP polices absolutely every aspect.

You will be that parent - it’s a story not a documentary.

This is the most insane thing I've ever seen on here. You are getting way too carried away with yourself. Great if you want to bring your 5 year old to question things but not like this OP. Let her enjoy the stories which have been enjoyed by millions of other children.

They are traditional fairytales and will be a minute aspect of her education.
YABU for jumping in the bloody bandwagon of EVERYBODY being offended about EVERYTHING.
Not returning to thread because the righteous vultures will pecking but it’s bloody pathetic.

I'm genuinely surprised by how challenging a lot of people find the idea that traditional, patriarchal fairy tales don't give our children the best messages on gender. I'm very surprised that the majority dont think that the mainstream imbalance of gendered messages have had an impact on then or on their children. I'm surprised that people don't think that messages from school delivered in the same way the other facts of the world are can have an compounding impact on kids' sense of the world or their place in it. I thought this was a fairly widely held understanding. Given the energy put in by respondents, here's a few answer to your questions (assuming they are not rhetorical)..

There was a similar thread a week or two ago where many (the majority) of people replying couldn't understand why girls t-shirts only having female cartoon characters on and boys t-shirts only having male characters on was an issue. It's surprising to me because mumsnet is obviously a mostly female forum and has a heavy feminist presence, but it seems most people just can't get their head around the everyday stuff that reinforces sexism and patriarchy.

Anyway in response to the actual OP, sometimes you just have to pick your battles. I just balance this crap out by making sure that at home I tell my DD what a load of old-fashioned nonsense fairy tales are, etc. She learns a lot more from me than she does from school anyway.

This is the link to the original collection by the brothers Grimm from 1810 - they collected these stories, they didn't write them. And then sanitation started.... They represent times way before 1810.

www.amazon.de/Kinder-Hausm%C3%A4rchen-handschriftliche-Urfassung-Universal-Bibliothek/dp/3150185203/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=Originalfassung+Grimms+M%C3%A4rchen&qid=1556816988&s=gateway&sr=8-5

She is 5. You are an adult. Let her be a child.

These chats always make me feel a little bit sad. She’s five. Fairytales are fab .. real
Life not so much.
Let her enjoy being a child.

There is an unnecessary level of vitriol on this thread. Some of you need to have a word with yourselves.

I asked for opinions to gauge whether or not my own views were reasonably common. At no point have I been rude to any of you. I've accepted that I have a different world view than many of you and have explained that I'm not going to go to the school about it. I'm quite comfortable with my own views and have no concerns that my DD is missing out on any fun, education or light hearted joy.

Well said OP.

I suspect that your DD will grow up better educated and equipped to articulate her needs and wishes than the norm.

Do you really, Goldmandra?! What an extraordinary assumption.