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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want traditional fairy tales used in DD's class

405 replies

Blankiefan · 01/05/2019 20:09

P1 5yo DD's class are doing a range of activities around Fairyland being lost. I don't hear any chat from dd about anything challenging gender norms. For example, she tells me they are making a castle for sleeping beauty this week so the handsome Prince can come and wake her up. Obviously I've discussed the consent issue with her. This seemed to be new news...

AIBU in wanting a chat with her teacher to check on the truth and encouraging some challenge... or will I be "that parent"?

OP posts:
Jogonandshutup · 02/05/2019 18:23

FFS OP - too many total weirdos around - consent in a fairytale!?!?! Stop being so bloody precious - poor kid 🙄

slkk · 02/05/2019 18:26

I would just read her plenty of other versions such as the paper bag princess, zog, tales with a twist, into the woods etc.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 02/05/2019 18:27

You must be fun at a party!

Putthekettleonplease · 02/05/2019 18:27

Obviously you’ve discussed the consent issue with her?

Oh my god. The world has actually gone insane.

Poptasmagorical · 02/05/2019 18:28

M3lon I love you.

There are a lot of arseholes on here who don’t know how society works.

Op, UADNBU. Talk to your daughter and make sure the conversations you’re obviously having continue to happen at home.

I’d also ask the teacher whether they discuss gender. It doesn’t have to be a formal meeting, just a conversation at drop-off or pick-up.

I’ve made my feelings clear about gender roles in stories as a governor. Did I get eye rolls from the men in the room? Yep. Turns out straight white cis men don’t like their privilege to be brought to their attention. Who knew?!

Things don’t change if we don’t challenge them. All of you saying you’re feminists but then telling op she’s being ridiculous (and worse) are not feminists.

Needtobuildabridge · 02/05/2019 18:29

OP, have you looked into 'Twisted Tales' ? There's loads out there where traditional tales are taken and flipped upside down- Princess rescues Prince, the wolf is actually lovely, etc.
It would help to provide a balanced view.

princessTiasmum · 02/05/2019 18:29

The world has gone mad, cant a child enjoy a fairy story without being warned about a prince giving sleeping beauty a kiss
It didnt do you any harm did it op, hearing fairy stories ,that were exactly that at 5 years old
There is a time to warn your daughter about consent etc, this is not it
Let her enjoy a bit of fantasy fgs

Fresta · 02/05/2019 18:31

Nuno But fairytales are not supposed to be 'real'. Telling your child they are a load of nonsense will do nothing to help her and to me shows how little respect and appreciation or understanding you have for any historical or cultural values of our society. It's probably a good job she does go to school so she can learn some balanced views.

1Wildheartsease · 02/05/2019 18:31

I am glad that you question these things @Blankiefan

I think it is unlikely that a telling of one of the traditional tales will result in your dd losing her sense of her place in the world... unless it is the whole of her literary diet.

It is necessary to be out there finding other stories for our DCs - and your question is a good reminder. I agree with the teacher above that it is likely to be something the school has already considered.

The way 'traditional' stories don't change each time they are told is due to our written culture. In 'traditional' times the story would have been told in new ways- by new generations and in new countries- and would have adapted with the times and places.

Writing them down does have the effect of holding them frozen in time and culture. (A bit like the sleeping beauty herself!)

Fresta · 02/05/2019 18:32

Twisted tales completely lost on children who don't know the originals!

winniestone37 · 02/05/2019 18:33

I think you are being very unreasonable tbh with you. Surely explaining what you feel is wrong about the stories is better, have a dialogue and make that part of your relationship. You can't white wash the world.

Madrilena81 · 02/05/2019 18:33

I'm going to go against the grain here, and say that gender stereotypes are SO heavily engrained in young children that 5 is not too young to have age-appropriate discussions about out-dated cautionary tales. Beauty and the Beast was a story designed to make young girls accept being forced to marry older unattractive men. I don't think these stories should be banned or that children shouldn't enjoy them, but there's no harm in commenting on the fact that they were written a long time ago and things aren't like that any more. However I probably wouldn't go into school to complain. I would talk about it at home in a casual and natural way.

TheCherries · 02/05/2019 18:35

🤣 i am in my 40s and this is the first time I have ever heard of someone talking about consent in a fairy tale 🙄

I seriously worried how wound up your daughter is going to be by your anxiety issues.

Alsohuman · 02/05/2019 18:37

Do people ask for consent to a kiss now? It’s 21 years since I experienced a first kiss so things might feasibly have changed but I think if a man had ever asked if he could kiss me I’d have said no and considered him a complete pillock.

Alsohuman · 02/05/2019 18:39

Beauty and the beast is about the transformative power of love, btw. How someone superficially unattractive can be the most attractive person on the planet if you love them.

NunoGoncalves · 02/05/2019 18:41

But fairytales are not supposed to be 'real'. Telling your child they are a load of nonsense will do nothing to help her

So... they're not real, but I shouldn't tell her they're not real?

Whatamesshaslunch · 02/05/2019 18:45

Ok umm, just putting it out there: presumably you read these fairy tales as a child? And have you turned out to have consent issues? Are you of the mindset that you must stay at home and dust your house with a smile on your face whilst your handsome husband earns money?
I guess not. Children aren’t idiots. They know that fairytales are not life manuals. They are fun stories with interesting morals. Let her enjoy them whilst she’s still a child.

Totaldogsbody · 02/05/2019 18:51

YABVU can a child not enjoy a fairytale without an adult spoiling it for them. It's a fairytale, what young girl hasn't dreamed of Prince Charming riding up on his white horse and taking her away to live a life of fun and adventure. This is called imagination If you suck all the joy out of these and other stories you are doing your child a disservice. Do you wish to turn her against reading because you will if you give her a lecture about any book you don't agree with. I'm not saying don't tell her about the rights and wrongs of things or being able to say no but do it at another time. The school and education department use age appropriate books to teach. Let her imagination flourish she'll be happier for it.

omione · 02/05/2019 18:53

As a mum with little ones who are in their 20s and 30s i can honestly tell you that sleeping beauty being woken by a kiss from a prince is chuff all to worry about, my children heard all of the stories and watched all of the videos ( it was a long long time ago) it done them no harm in fact my DD is in a very successful job hates pink and is more of a lad than my lads are, she is the one who would jump off a cliff and wouldnt need a bloke to catch her ( her DH would drop her)
Keep your worrying for the things you really have to worry about i.e drugs, unprotected sex, alcohol ...................

Jux · 02/05/2019 18:56

I think it's perfectly reasonable to chat about deeper issues thrown up by stories. Teach your child to read critically.

UnPocoLoco2 · 02/05/2019 19:07

For Christ sakes blankiefan get a life it's a five year old enjoying girly stories. I bet she loves pink, glitter and unicorns too.

Diva66 · 02/05/2019 19:10

Let her watch all of Arya’s fight scenes from GOT. That should get rid of quite a few stereotypes.

LJdorothy · 02/05/2019 19:23

I would stake my life on the fact that the teacher will be discussing gender issues, and will be using modern and 'twisted' versions of fairy tales too. She really doesn't need you to tell her how to do her job.

Poptasmagorical · 02/05/2019 19:48

Omione- did you miss the irony of you talking about gender and saying your daughter is ‘more one of the lads than the lads’? This is the bloody point! It’s so ingrained you don’t even notice it.

Beautga · 02/05/2019 20:10

Do you adhere to the latest nonsense that you are ment to ask a baby for consent to change his nappy.How he gives it i dont know.Let children be children and enjoy the fairytale and making the castle instead of bringing up the subject of consent
I bet the tooth fairy is banded with you as well