SAHM would you expect them to do all housework/childcare?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

And am I being unreasonable in not doing so?
This is from a comment from someone today and I was curious if you expect a sahm or sahd to do all or the vast majority of the housework and childcare. Obviously the stay at home parent would do all childcare while the other parent worked but once they were home it would be spilt, wouldn't it? Same with housework.

I’m not sure to be honest , probably what’s best for the couple.

Although, for me if ur a SAHM it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect you to do pretty much all of the childcare barring an odd day off or trip with friends or perhaps 50/50 on holiday or something

I think whoever is at home should do most of it actually. Not all but most.

House work and childcare is 24/7 , work isn't so no I wouldn't expect the sahp to work 24/7 while the other works 40 hours a week, that doesn't seem fair

Depends if the children are at school or not? If all the kids are school age then it's not unreasonable to expect the sahp to do most of it.

If you are talking about being a sahp to small children then yes, everything outside 'work' hours should be split.

I'd say it depends on the ages and number of children and how hard work they are. School age children with no additional needs - yes I'd expect them to do most of it in the day. Pre school kids or additional needs then I'd expect them to be mainly looking after the kids and share 50 50 when their partner got home depending on how hard their partner works (eg 35 hour office job or 70 hour week stressful job)

If you have one toddler who naps 3 hours a day and sleeps ok at night I'd probably expect them to do something at nap time

I guess its whatever the couple agree between themselves if both are happy with it

I would say it depends on the age of the children and size of the house. But yeah, you don't generally get to stay home all day when the other is out slaving for money and do nothing. SAHP is basically stay at home cleaner/full time parent.

I am at SAHM and I do 90% of the washing but everything else is split. DH tends to come in and take over from me so he'll do dinner bath and bed most of the time.

Depends on whether you have school aged children or children that are at home with you all day. If school aged children, then you should be able to get all the housework done during school hours. If you are children at home with you, then you look after them during the day, do a bit of housework when/if you can, and then all chores split equally once the other parent is at home and at weekends

I did all of the housework/maintenance/gardening etc. All of the childcare, obviously, when my husband was at work. He would usually do bath/bedtimes and he cooked 3 or 4 nights each week because he enjoyed it, still does. We each slept in either Saturday or Sunday. He was out of the house from 6am - 7pm, so I felt that was plenty.

I'm a SAHM. I do 98% of the housework. When he is at home dp probably does slightly more childcare than me but it's pretty much 50:50.

I had figured I would do the bulk of the housework and then we would split evening and weekend childcare and remaining chores. I pictured lovingly prepared dinners and a constantly clean home. That was laughable. Ended up with a high needs super clingy baby. My sole job became keeping her from screaming 24/7. I couldn’t even set her down for naps. DH did all the housework in addition to having a full-time job. He still got the easier end of the deal.

I think the person at home should do the majority of household duties, im at home with the kids why would i not unless i was out all day?

If you a SAHP I would expect you to mostly be parenting i.e doing childcare during the week. Weekends should be evenly split.

As for housework, if it were me I'd make an effort to do it more often but I would still think my partner should do some on evenings or weekends.

As a SAHM I do all the house work and cooking even at weekends and holidays but my husband does do the ironing 80% of the time.

I agree with others that there are too many variables, but on the whole the SAHP can do quite a bit, just because it is easier for them to put a load of washing on, dry it, put it away etc or to do a bowl of washing up. However some days the children are more demanding and less can be done.

I don't think the worker should then be expected to come back home and do everything either.

However if there is a SAHP with all school aged children, then yes they should do the bulk of the housework.

It really depends on the circumstances. If you have say 3 children, one of whom is a baby of course you won't have time to do all the housework. If you're at home with one child over the age of 2 there should be time to get a good hour to clean the house while the toddler naps, or helps.

Yeah I would expect them to/ me to do the vast majority of stuff if they were a SAHP.

I think it’s much easier to bung a load of washing on the line as a sahm, the rest like others said dealing with 12 weeks old twins I would say if you have managed to have a shower you are on a good day . Sahm to a teenage child who takes himself to school then yes.

I'd expect all of the household tasks to fall to the person who has no job, just as all the financial responsibility falls to the worker. Parenting is done by whoever is at home with the child, s shared if both home. It's not childcae when it's your own child just like it's not babysitting.

All of it, no. Doing what can get done during the day, yes. But not on duty 24/7 while the other parent can come home and put their feet up.

I also don’t think it’s great for children to have a live-in parent who does none of the childcare. You’re hardly going to build a lasting bond with your children if you never do anything with them.

Ds is only a baby and I'm not technically a sahm as I'm on mat leave, will be briefly going back to work in the summer and then back on mat leave again

But me and Dp have pretty much stuck to how we split the housework before Ds so pretty much 50/50. I'm home more through the day so do more general tidying up, putting a wash on etc.
But I consider being home with Ds as time to spend with him, we go to groups, days out, visit family, play at home and maybe selfishly as a bit of time for me too. I've been baking more, reading and I've watched a fair few Netflix series's.

I was a SAHM for goodness knows how long, and I did everything related to the children, and all the domestic drudgery stuff. DH went out to work. It worked well for us. I was in fact grateful that I didn't have to go out to work. Any amount of laundry is preferable to that.

I don’t think there is a clear answer to this as it depends on many factors.

As PPs have said, a couple of school age kids with no additional needs and a healthy SAHP then they should take on responsibility for the running of the household, but I don’t think that means they do 100% of the chores (I.e. the WOHP can still cook meals, clear up after dinner, do DIY at the weekends etc).

3 pre-schoolers at home I’d be impressed if the SAHP got showered and dressed, never mind doing 100% of the chores.

With regards to childcare then it’s obviously the ‘job’ of the SAHP to look after the kids whilst the other is out working, but outside of those times it’s just 50:50 parenting surely?

Crossed posts, OP. I can't say I got much reading or TV watching done when mine were small. In fact, I didn't get anything done 'for me' at all. Though 'for me' was, I suppose, being with them, playing with them, reading to them, going to toddler groups, park, etc, as I liked all that stuff. I wouldn't think it was selfish to do a few things for yourself if you have only one DC, though (trickier with more than one).

I’m currently on mat leave so not quite a SAHM but feeling like one atm. Have three primary school aged DC and obvs a baby. DP works 40 hours a week Monday-Friday and during that time I do pretty much everything. He does cook some nights and will do a chore if I ask him to (I.e taking the bin out).

Weekends we share everything. It’s hardly fair that he gets a solid two day break from work and I get no break whatsoever.