SAHM would you expect them to do all housework/childcare?

[NotReadyForThisX2]

And am I being unreasonable in not doing so?
This is from a comment from someone today and I was curious if you expect a sahm or sahd to do all or the vast majority of the housework and childcare. Obviously the stay at home parent would do all childcare while the other parent worked but once they were home it would be spilt, wouldn't it? Same with housework.

It's more about equal leisure time tbh. So do you both get equal opportunity to sit with your feet up, watch Netflix etc?

He's still breastfeeding so usually reading watching tv is when I'm feeding him or when he's napping. He's a easy baby though, sleeps well at night and naps twice a day.

I'm maybe a bit lazy, but our house is always clean and tidy and I do tend to cook most meals, Dp cooks twice a week. He always does the washing up/cleaning the kitchen after dinner though.

Generally yes but depends on the situation...

Sahp of school age children...then definitely

Sahp of triplet newborns and a toddler...they'll need the wohp to chip in!

Yes, I'd expect as a SAHM or on Mat Leave to be doing the majority (probably 80%) of housework, cooking and childcare.
50/50 at weekends.

My DH always did his own laundry, took bins out, filled and emptied the dishwasher most days. Everything else was my domain. It's still like this actually, even though I'm now back at work.

I probably get a little more than Dp @BarrenFieldofFucks. But I'm pregnant and most of my tv watching is while feeding.
We both have one evening through the week out of the house and both get to the gym once or twice a week.

I'm not planning on staying home after mat leave/leaves. So I'm keen to not become the default do everything partner. I see it as he'd have to do it if I was at work or he was single anyway.

I think it’s more helpful to think about how much downtime you each get. When I was on maternity leave towards the end DH was at work from 5am to 8pm and had about an hour to chill out each day whereas I had about 2 hours while DD napped then 2 hours in the evening as I could fit my cleaning and cooking into the time she was up so it would have been quite unfair to then expect DH to do half.

House work and childcare is 24/7 , work isn't

Childcare may be 24/7, depending on the age of the children, but how is housework?

Do you think that's why @blue55? Because you always did it it's just become the norm.

We always had a really equal split before Ds and that's stuck so far. I'm quite lucky that Dp likes to busy and he's quite naturally tidy, so he'll tidy/clean as he's going along.

It's more about equal leisure time tbh. So do you both get equal opportunity to sit with your feet up, watch Netflix etc?
^this^
If you have time to read and watch Netflix during the day, then your dh should have the same opportunity to do his own thing in the evening. You should also get equal time away from baby and work too (obviously your Netflix watching can’t be swapped for trips to the pub as you have baby, but you should have opportunity for this -or whatever you want to do, too).
But, I do think, if you are a SAHP you should generally (over the course of the week) be able to keep on top of the washing, change the beds, food shopping and keeping the house hygenically clean. I don’t mean spotless each day, but generally cleanish and tidy kitchen/bathroom/floors.
Your dh should also be doing equal amounts of child related tasks when he gets home, so he does bath, you do putting to bed or vice versa and thinking about how he can entertain dc at the weekend so it doesn’t always fall to you.

I'm a sahm to 4dc. My working hours are when the dcs are at school and nursery and I try and get the majority of housework, washing, ironing and admin done in those hours.
Dc4 is at nursery 3 days a week so that's when I do the majority of cleaning etc..
I do all the cooking but it's not hard to chuck something in the oven for dinner.
Some days it all goes to pot like today when I've had lots of things to get done with a preschooler with me so we ordered a curry and the kids had a pizza.
When I had under four plus an older one at school survival was my main aim.
Dh is pretty chilled and usually rolls his sleeves up and helps with homework and does bath time when he gets in.

I do feel like I'm spinning plates a lot of the time but I think most people do.

*three under four

You are on maternity leave, you aren’t a sahp. It makes no sense for you to get out of your 50/50 routine as that is what you will need to return to when you go back. But yes if you were a sahp I would expect you to do the lionshare of the housework.

If you're planning on going back to work then I'd stick as you are, save slipping into routines that'll shoot you in the foot when you're working.

I'm a SAHM to 2 boys 6 and 3. 3 year old with me all day. Hasn't napped in a year. DH works away 3 nights a week and has regular trips of up to 1 week.
I do all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, organisation etc. If dh is home he will stack the dishwasher and empty the bins that's about it. On weekends he will make lunches and breakfasts. He does baths and puts eldest to bed if hes here. He offers to take them out for a day occasionally so I can catch up on stuff or go off on my own.
As an actual SAHM I think this is broadly fair, I would enjoy a bit more initiative from DH like him sticking a load on or emptying the dishwasher without my asking but on the whole he is willing to help but needs directing. I do find it annoying but I can live with it. He's a great Dad and he does appreciate me and at the end of the day I fucking hated working and he's enabled me to do what I want!
Your situation on mat leave and pregnant is totally different so carry on as you are, with the expectation dh picks up more slack when baby 2 comes along.

Yes SAHP should do the majority of it....why should the parent who works all day then have to come home and do it or at the weekend when they could be spending precious time with DC that the SAHP gets to enjoy every day? Cleaning, putting a wash on and ironing doesn't take several hours a day so there is plenty of time to do the other stuff like playgroups coffee mornings etc

Comes down to the age of the children- if the kids are of school age, yes 90% should fall to the SAHP- toddler age or babies then no.

We're both happy with how we split things, so no plans to change. I just wondered what people generally expected.

Dp probably does do more than his share, when you take work into account. I cook most meals and generally cook from scratch, I like cooking/baking though. Dp does it twice a week, one night when I'm out and Saturdays unless we eat out, he makes really good curries and we'll often have friends or family round to join us.
He washes up after dinner, loads the dishwasher and cleans kitchen etc. He does bath and bed time with Ds and gives him a bottle of expressed milk.
He empties the dishwasher in the morning and will usually give Ds his breakfast before he goes to work. He does all the ironing and gardening/house maintenance stuff and bins, I never put bins out unless he's away.

I do more of the general cleaning, vacuuming, mopping etc. He'll maybe do a really good clean of one room at the weekend, but I do the daily wipe and vac around.
That sounds like I don't do much, but I do.

Given your second post of circumstances, I think you're being unfair to him to be honest, given that you're having downtime when he's working. I always tried to 'work' whilst dh was working, and if I did have a day when I watched a film or whatever whilst he was at work, I would make sure that I did more of the load once he was home.

Yes that's the main reason we've stuck to what we've always done @BarrenFieldofFucks and @Teddybear45. I'm not planning on staying home, permanently.
We both agree my mat leave is primarily time with Ds and the other baby when he/she arrives. It was just comments I had today that didn't seem to think the same at all and I was curious if it was a common opinion.

The thing is you can have time with your baby whilst simultaneously getting chores done. Frees up time for doing whatever you all want to do when all family together. I'm not sure exactly how old your child is, but mine would have their own little bowl of water to 'wash up' whilst I did, their own little pile to 'sort' whilst I folded washing etc etc

It depends upon whether the sahm is looking after the child all day and the level of care the child needs.
On school days I do all the housework. During school holidays I am running around after ds who can't be left alone, all day so only essential stuff like cooking or washing gets done, picking up of mess in the evenings and proper cleaning and everything else gets left till he is back at school.

Can I swap your DP for mine? He means well but I've just had to re-wash most of the washing up, again, because he's missed several sticky yucky bits. Again. And he's helpfully put the recycling out. But hasn't actually sorted it. Again. He does have a dyslexia related sensory disorder and I've always cut him a lot of slack because of it. Although there are times and this is one of them that I wonder why I'm so lovely!

School aged child with additional needs and full time shift work. He does all the cooking and all school runs in day shifts. He does morning drop off on nights, I collect on rest days I do both. He does most of washing up. I do most of bins, cleaning and child care when I am home as child clings to me, even after shifts. I also organise all household bills and shops. My child does not cling to dad as they do me so even when home he has it easier (his words). You do what is right for your family with his medical condition this is how it is for us.

I would say split childcare 50/50 outside of working hours. So the SAHP should have equal rights to evenings and weekends "off".

Housework though is (I have always found) a lot easier if you are at home. I would tend to expect the SAHP to be able to stick laundry on and do some tidying/cooking with the kids around in a way that a working parent couldn't. Obviously it depends on the kids and I certainly wouldn't expect the SAHP to do everything.

If it works for you and you're both happy though, who cares? I find doing the chores you both mind the least works best even if not 100% equal.

Yes, I would expect the person at home all day to do the bulk of the housework. Childcare split after working hours.