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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parental leave should be 50/50?

179 replies

MunaZaldrizoti · 30/04/2019 13:19

A system of mandatory use it or lose it. No one "gifting" anything to anyone, just equal entitlement...

OP posts:
badlydrawnperson · 30/04/2019 13:21

YANBU. Also the system is fucking crazy complex for no good reason.

BigChocFrenzy · 30/04/2019 13:21

Fine, when there's equal effects on the father's body of pregnancy and birth,
so he also needs time for stitches etc to heal and regain his strength

dontlikebeards · 30/04/2019 13:21

We couldn't have shared as my dh earned more than me at the time so we couldn't have afforded for him to have more than a couple of weeks paternity. This was also the situation for the majority of my friends.

dontlikebeards · 30/04/2019 13:22

BigChocFrenzy I completely agree with you

GPatz · 30/04/2019 13:23

Meh. We shared Mat Leave without any real issues. It's not a cut and dry case for everyone.

GoldenBlue · 30/04/2019 13:28

We didn't want to. I wanted to be off with the children and he didn't. This proposal would have negatively impacted my family.

Fine if it was in addition but basically it would be halving many women's entitlement to maternity pay.

WeaselsRising · 30/04/2019 13:29

How are we going to pay for that? My work offers it but what he takes she loses

My DH did not need time off for stitches to heal / he was still able to drive after my c section / he had no issues getting breastfeeding established / he wasn't bleeding. WTF does he need leave?

Prequelle · 30/04/2019 13:29

Anyone can have 50/50 with shared parental leave can't they? Interesting how few take it up.

JurassicGirl · 30/04/2019 13:30

Maternity leave is more that just looking after a baby though surely?

I needed my maternity leave to recover from pregnancy & birth. I also EBF for at least nine months so DH couldn't do much to help there.

I also lost hair, had stitches to heal & cope with broken sleep.

Dh had 2 weeks paternity leave & we both wished it was longer but bills need to be paid etc. He also needed to keep all his annual leave for when my DSC stayed with us.

dinostwothreemore · 30/04/2019 13:30

Maybe one day when science enables men to grow a baby and give birth, breastfeed etc. Until then I think it's fine as is.

Seniorschoolmum · 30/04/2019 13:33

YABU. DS’s dad would have hated taking the leave, while I would have hated having less.
What’s wrong with it being optional?

Chippychipsforme · 30/04/2019 13:36

Or we could trust adults to make decisions that suit them?

grasspigeons · 30/04/2019 13:37

No I think that the person that carried, gave birth and possibly breastfed should get priority until they have physically recovered. Then the remainder should be split however a couple wish - with a tendency towards equal.

If we both had to take 50% of the bit that received stat mat pay - which is the only bit I could afford to take. That would have been 4.5 months each, 1 month I had to take before baby was born so I'd have had 3.5 months to recover and be with baby whilst DH then got 4.5 to not recover and be with baby and I would have still been feeding when he was doing his bit.

Sexnotgender · 30/04/2019 13:38

I'm 12 weeks postpartum and still dealing with a uterus infection and exclusively breastfeeding. Not sure how giving up half my maternity leave would help me?

Vellia · 30/04/2019 13:39

YABU. Each family should have the free choice to decide on what works best for them.

Vellia · 30/04/2019 13:40

Why should everybody else have to do things the way your family did? What makes you the arbiter of the correct way to share out maternity leave?

Everybody in this country is different.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 30/04/2019 13:41

What would the aim of your system be? Is it to promote equality? Because I don’t think equality can be reached by denying the physical and biological consequences of being a woman.

Nnnnnineteen · 30/04/2019 13:42

I would have been better giving dc to the wolves to be raised. One size does not fit all.

ReganSomerset · 30/04/2019 13:42

Agree with @BigChocFrenzy

Better idea- give men the same amount of leave as mothers get in addition to, not instead of, maternity leave.

I feel that might reduce employment discrimination against women too.

Grimbles · 30/04/2019 13:43

If a couple want to share parental leave they are free to do so.

InDubiousBattle · 30/04/2019 13:44

So force families to be out of pocket if one earns much more than the other?

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2019 13:47

A system of mandatory use it or lose it. No one "gifting" anything to anyone, just equal entitlement

Why? Pregnancy and birth isn't 'equal.

Cruddles · 30/04/2019 13:47

I am taking 50/50 leave for second child, shared parental leave, took 75/25 for first child (I'm the dad). It suits us for various reasons, when I've spoken to other friends about it the majority why it's not shared is because the mum wants the full 12 months

123456Abcde123456 · 30/04/2019 13:48

I agree that women's bodies need time to recover, and then there's breast feeding etc.
However on a wider scale if men did take more mat leave, then surely we would be penalised less when being hired, when promotions are being considered etc. Because it's just as likely that a man of 'child bearing' years will be about to take a big chunk of time off too.

PicsInRed · 30/04/2019 13:48

Do we really need to post the equality vs equity picture again?

Hmm Hmm Hmm