Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DH elder son should not be sleeping in his mums bed everynight?

308 replies

babybelqueen · 30/04/2019 12:49

My DH had a previous relationship , and has a lovely son who is 10 years old.. will be going into secondary school next year. He is bright, clever funny and just does what normal kids do. We get on really well.

Anyway, my DH and his ex only speak purely for the sake of their son which I understand ( I never get involved in any conversation as it is not my place , he is their child and that is that )

BUT me and DH are starting to become concerned about the fact that he is openly honest about sleeping in his mums bed every night -

I have an 18 month old, so I have no idea whether this is normal or not? The only thing I can link it to, is because maybe of his parents splitting when he was young and now he sometimes feels insecure?

But also when he comes and stops with us, he is more than happy to sleep alone in his own room.

I just don't want him to go to secondary school and get picked on because of it, and neither does his Dad.

What are your thoughts, is this normal ?

OP posts:
Staywithmemyblood · 02/05/2019 14:13

DH and I have v different sleep patterns so he sleeps in the spare room. DD is 14 and regularly comes through to sleep in with me if she can't sleep, or is feeling anxious or scared. That's fine with me, as long as she's brings her own duvet! Grin

I'm sure by secondary school your DSS won't be speaking to his friends about his sleeping arrangements, and any friends who know now won't remember in a couple of years time, so I don't think you need to worry bullying will be an issue. Some of his friends now might sleep in with their parents too Smile

BishopofBathandWells · 02/05/2019 14:57

@AryaStarkWolf Yes that's a very good point. I wondered whether the OPs issue with it was that it's not perceived as a very masculine thing for a boy to do? Or that it was a bit dodgy with them being the opposite sex, irrespective of the fact they're mother and son. As I said, I think we put a lot of our adult perspectives onto our relationships with children. I get it's right to be mindful that not everyone has good intentions.

FWIW, I just asked my DP and he said he'd have no issues if it were his DD (as I'd guessed) but when I asked would it be different if it were a son, he asked how old the boy was. Interesting! Clearly for men there is a difference.

perfectstorm · 02/05/2019 18:00

I think it's fine as long as it's child-led, and not done to meet a need of the parent, and on that note, if the child has their own room and bed, and therefore it's a choice, not the sole place to sleep.

Luckystar777 · 07/05/2019 20:20

thanks @shockers

it wrecked a large portion of my life but i am healing

Mummalove22 · 09/06/2021 11:06

It’s completely normal what has a mother got to hide from her kids. Muns should teach her kids to feel comfortable in there own skin as I am my son is 15 still comes in regularly to watch a movie and have a cuddle he was 8 when we divorced so he’s my rock

Mummalove22 · 19/07/2021 14:34

I honestly
Train kits fine

judgejudyrocks · 19/07/2021 14:38

Not normal, unless they are ill.

Ozanj · 19/07/2021 14:45

@babybelqueen

My DH had a previous relationship , and has a lovely son who is 10 years old.. will be going into secondary school next year. He is bright, clever funny and just does what normal kids do. We get on really well.

Anyway, my DH and his ex only speak purely for the sake of their son which I understand ( I never get involved in any conversation as it is not my place , he is their child and that is that )

BUT me and DH are starting to become concerned about the fact that he is openly honest about sleeping in his mums bed every night -

I have an 18 month old, so I have no idea whether this is normal or not? The only thing I can link it to, is because maybe of his parents splitting when he was young and now he sometimes feels insecure?

But also when he comes and stops with us, he is more than happy to sleep alone in his own room.

I just don't want him to go to secondary school and get picked on because of it, and neither does his Dad.

What are your thoughts, is this normal ?

You do sound like a lovely stepmum from your subsequent posts. I think if the only issue here is about him being picked on then be safe in the knowledge that most 10 yo don’t volunteer this type of info to friends lol. If you ask DN’s friends then she’s fearless and sleeps in a tent in the garden everynight but in reality she sleeps with her DP most nights and when she has sleep overs with me, insists on DH sleeping elsewhere so she can sleep with me and DS lol. Trust me he will never share that info lol.
azimuth299 · 19/07/2021 15:00

It's unusual yes, but not inappropriate. It's also not really your business. You say he might be teased but he's not exactly going to tell his school friends, is he? And in five years he'll be off to uni and definitely won't be bedsharing with his mum.

Willyoujustbequiet · 19/07/2021 15:03

Perfectly normal. Some kids do, some don't. Its lovely they have such a close bond. He obviously just wants some security.

Toomuchspinning · 19/07/2021 15:07

It’s also more than 2 years ago, people.

Mummalove22 · 19/07/2021 15:08

Absolutely could
Not agree more make
The most of every single but you can h til your sons or girls wanna leave home it’s not unusual to share a bed with ur kids they are your own blood they have seen there mum in her birthday suit as they all have

CustardySergeant · 19/07/2021 15:11

What was the point in resurrecting this thread over 2 years later Mummalove22?

Mummalove22 · 19/07/2021 15:14

I thought it was nescesssry for myself st this current time and I know it would be the same
For slot
More singles muns

Marshmallow91 · 19/07/2021 15:17

My daughter has her own bed in our room and in her own room. She's only 2 1/2 and still chooses to the sleep in the bed with me every night.. Its fine with me because i love her wee sweaty head cuddles and the way she half - wakes up and strokes my hand or arm and falls back asleep.

Long may it continue 🥰

maddening · 19/07/2021 15:20

Our 10yo ds (just finished year 5) sleeps in his own bed (kingsize), he regularly asks me or dh to sleep in his bed, he prefers someone to be there and does cuddle close when he is asleep. We aren't stressing about it, it won't be for long and soon enough he won't want us there, it is totally led by him.

dottiedodah · 19/07/2021 15:20

I used to share a bed with my Nan right up to puberty! I used to stay over with her and found it comforting.If the little lads happy ,then why worry? No one is going to be any the wise at School!

maddening · 19/07/2021 15:21

Oh, sorry zombie thread!

Fiddliestofsticks · 19/07/2021 15:38

It's normal. My 10 year old still comes and sleeps in my bed. Not as much as when he was younger but he still does it. His younger brother would sleep in mine every night but I only allow it some nights as I can't sleep with him because he claims the entire bed!

Fiddliestofsticks · 19/07/2021 15:40

Oh ffs. Zombie. Why do people resurrect these!

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2021 15:45

Bit of an odd thread, it’s like you’re saying you accept the answers but Really don’t and wish people would say it was wrong.

As long as his mother isn’t pressurising him to sleep with her ans he is fully able to sleep in his own bed then it’s fine, he certainly won’t be the only kid at secondary who does this.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2021 15:45

Oh zombie, sigh.

Antwerpen · 19/07/2021 15:50

@Teddybear45

At 10 he’s still very much a child and has two parents who don’t get on with each other and may even have new families of their own. Of course he’s insecure.
Why do you think he may be ‘picked on’ at school OP? Who is going to know what his sleeping arrangements are. If he and his Mum are both happy it’s none of your business.
Peace43 · 19/07/2021 15:51

My 10 year old DD would sleep in my bed every night if I'd let her. I restrict it to only on the weekend as she wriggles!

Mummalove22 · 19/07/2021 15:52

Absolutely no one has to
Know and if they do what’s to be imbarresssdd about sleeping in mums bed nothing my son is ashamed
Of