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Original poster

Bridesmaid issues! 6 weeks to go!!

168 replies

Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 21:47

I'm having a massive bridesmaid problem and I don't know what to do!

I have 3 adult bridesmaids, my sister and my DP 2 sisters. One of my DP sisters (26) is acting a bit odd and I think unfair! I have paid for their dresses and about a month ago all 3 of them came round to my parents house where the dresses are being kept to try dresses on to make sure they fitted okay. My sister and DP other sister were happily trying them on and trying different ways to wear them etc but the other sister didn't speak to anyone the whole time, she sat in the other room and refused to participate! She made rude comments and snapped at my sister a couple of times! After a while she said 'get this dress off me I'm going home'

She then came round a week later to our house and told me how she dislikes my sister and has been making snide comments ever since. I had my hen do at the weekend and yet again DP sister sat there the whole day and didn't say a word, was rude to my mum who had spent hours planning my hen do and always makes sure everyone is okay. DP sister also complained about the food, drink, hotel and how she wouldn't be staying there again! She didn't even speak to me the whole day and yet again snapped at my sister who then ended up in tears.

The problem is I'm supposed to be getting ready with them on the morning of my wedding! Along with my mum and my DP mum but I'm not sure I want DP sister there with me now Sad I'm so worried she will upset my family or me and make everyone feel uncomfortable!

Should I still have her there in the morning or should I not? I will feel bad having to tell her she's not welcome anymore. We were quite close before all this so I don't know what's happened! I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 29/04/2019 21:51

Yikes

Can DP speak to his sister and find out what the problem is, and try and get her to put it aside?

Cherrysoup · 29/04/2019 21:53

Sack her, you don't need the stress.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/04/2019 21:53

If you were quite close to her before, why can't you have a conversation with her? Is everything OK, you don't seem yourself, you don't seem to want to do this, do you want to step down... ?

CoffeeConnoisseur · 29/04/2019 21:54

Her not liking your sister for whatever reason is fair enough...

but I’d be telling her if she couldn’t behave like an adult, and was going to spend the morning of the wedding with a face like a slapped arse, then she can get turn in the bridesmaid role and ready elsewhere.

Xyzzzzz · 29/04/2019 21:56

I’d just ask her what’s wrong

OVAgroundWOMBlingfree · 29/04/2019 21:59

Phone her and ask her if there is an issue. Ask if she would prefer to step down or be sacked from the role.
She sounds like an attention seeking nightmare.

Noodledoodledoo · 29/04/2019 21:59

My now SIL was supposed to be my bridesmaid, she was difficult about everything, I was paying for everything, she agreed to the dress but then 5 months later said she hated it, refused to wear the same shoes as the other two - not an issue but 5 weeks before the wedding she didn't have any - but lots on order from the states - 2 pairs of which were confiscated for being fake!

She was supposed to make our wedding cake and decorate it, but cocked it up so I ended up making one of the tiers and my sister decorated it!

It ended up about 3 weeks to go my husband asked her outright if she would promise not to ruin my day - she couldn't so he told her she was no longer required as a bridesmaid!

Relations were hard work for about 18 months, and still not great but we live about 150 miles away and rarely see her!

She didn't speak to me at all during the wedding!

Original poster
Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 21:59

We have already had a conversation about it when she came round and told me she didn't like my sister! (We are all adults and I understand people don't always see eye to eye but she needs to just try and keep it calm and civil for the wedding) my sister is the youngest and is only 20.
When we spoke about it she didn't apologise about the way she acted and she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding Confused I have tried really hard to speak to her and include her in everything and she comes along but is rude and doesn't speak to anyone! She does still want to be bridesmaid though.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 29/04/2019 22:02

Whatever her problem is, she's not dealing with it in a very mature way. She's making it all about her.

Can you invite her for a coffee a find out what the problem is? If she can't commit to putting a brave face on things for the day, I would sack her give her the opportunity to stand down and be a regular wedding guest.

My SIL spent my entire wedding looking like a slapped arse, and I have still never really forgiven her for it, even though I try to pretend everything's fine.

CoffeeConnoisseur · 29/04/2019 22:04

Well if she’s openly admitted she can’t be sure she won’t act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding, then there’s no dilemma at all - she absolutely can’t be there to get ready with you all.

NigellaAwesome · 29/04/2019 22:04

Sorry, cross post. In that case I would tell her she is no longer required as a bridesmaid.

Justmuddlingalong · 29/04/2019 22:07

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding
"Then perhaps to avoid any stress for everyone, you're relieved of BM duties."

Babooshkar · 29/04/2019 22:08

For the sake of YOUR wedding I think you have to exclude her as bridesmaid. This is yours and OH’s special day and you don’t want to be walking on eggshells and remembering the day due to her poor behaviour.

Merryoldgoat · 29/04/2019 22:08

You say to her:

‘This day is not about you, it’s about me and YOUR BROTHER. Either you put on a happy face, make nice and act like a decent human being, or you pretend to be ill and don’t come. What you will not do is ruin my day and if you start I will have no qualms about making you leave. I asked you to. E bridesmaid to be kind and include you but I don’t give a shit. Have a think, make a decision but I’m not putting up with your crap any more.’

Say it and mean it.

StoneofDestiny · 29/04/2019 22:09

Just tell her you will not have your big day ruined by anyone. Tell her she won't be a bridesmaid and if she can't get a grip of her behaviour, she should stay away from your wedding. Problem solved.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 29/04/2019 22:10

This is madness! If she has openly said she doesn't know if she can stop herself from spoiling your wedding morning then I dont think she has given you a choice but to sack her. I think it's up to you if you want to give her another chance the next time you meet up all together to see if she can behave. I think I'd try getting your fiance to speak to her, it might go down better from him saying he doesn't want you having to referee between your families if she cant reign it in and pretend to be happy

Acis · 29/04/2019 22:10

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

Well, there's your answer. She admits she may spoil the whole thing for you, it's not a risk you can take.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/04/2019 22:10

With your update, sack her.

That's just childish, attention seeking and nasty.

SunshineCake · 29/04/2019 22:10

How embarrassing that a grown woman would think never mind say that she can't behave. Give her one more chance and talk to her if you wish but I'd be revoking the invitation never mind bridesmaid duties.

Caselgarcia · 29/04/2019 22:12

I agree with PP, if she can't behave on YOUR big day, she shouldn't be bridesmaid. Se sounds like a toddler having a tantrum making it all about her. Silly girl

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2019 22:12

I see only one option and that is to sack her and uninvite her from your wedding. What other choice has she left you? She will do nothing but ruin your wedding day. Honestly, fuck her and whatever ridiculous issues she may have. She's acting like a twat.

TurquoiseAndPurple · 29/04/2019 22:14

Tell her to jog on!

lyralalala · 29/04/2019 22:15

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

I'd be sitting down with her and your DP and giving her three options -

1 - she guarantees that she'll behave and won't ruin your morning
2 - she gets ready at her own house and meets you at the wedding, guaranteeing she'll behave in photos, walking down the aisle etc
3 - she steps down as BM

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/04/2019 22:15

Actually I kind of think you have to sack her. Otherwise she's going to take this as a licence to repeat this behaviour any time it suits her.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/04/2019 22:15

Actually I kind of think you have to sack her. Otherwise she's going to take this as a licence to repeat this behaviour any time it suits her.

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