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Original poster

Bridesmaid issues! 6 weeks to go!!

168 replies

Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 21:47

I'm having a massive bridesmaid problem and I don't know what to do!

I have 3 adult bridesmaids, my sister and my DP 2 sisters. One of my DP sisters (26) is acting a bit odd and I think unfair! I have paid for their dresses and about a month ago all 3 of them came round to my parents house where the dresses are being kept to try dresses on to make sure they fitted okay. My sister and DP other sister were happily trying them on and trying different ways to wear them etc but the other sister didn't speak to anyone the whole time, she sat in the other room and refused to participate! She made rude comments and snapped at my sister a couple of times! After a while she said 'get this dress off me I'm going home'

She then came round a week later to our house and told me how she dislikes my sister and has been making snide comments ever since. I had my hen do at the weekend and yet again DP sister sat there the whole day and didn't say a word, was rude to my mum who had spent hours planning my hen do and always makes sure everyone is okay. DP sister also complained about the food, drink, hotel and how she wouldn't be staying there again! She didn't even speak to me the whole day and yet again snapped at my sister who then ended up in tears.

The problem is I'm supposed to be getting ready with them on the morning of my wedding! Along with my mum and my DP mum but I'm not sure I want DP sister there with me now Sad I'm so worried she will upset my family or me and make everyone feel uncomfortable!

Should I still have her there in the morning or should I not? I will feel bad having to tell her she's not welcome anymore. We were quite close before all this so I don't know what's happened! I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 29/04/2019 22:15

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

I'd be sitting down with her and your DP and giving her three options -

1 - she guarantees that she'll behave and won't ruin your morning
2 - she gets ready at her own house and meets you at the wedding, guaranteeing she'll behave in photos, walking down the aisle etc
3 - she steps down as BM

lyralalala · 29/04/2019 22:15

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

I'd be sitting down with her and your DP and giving her three options -

1 - she guarantees that she'll behave and won't ruin your morning
2 - she gets ready at her own house and meets you at the wedding, guaranteeing she'll behave in photos, walking down the aisle etc
3 - she steps down as BM

Justmuddlingalong · 29/04/2019 22:17

What does your DFiancé/Fiancée think? Is he/she pandering to her or worried too?

Justmuddlingalong · 29/04/2019 22:18

What does your DFiancé/Fiancée think? Is he/she pandering to her or worried too?

xotyl · 29/04/2019 22:18

She has a problem, it's not with your sister really she's just a convenient scapegoat.

The problem she has is that she is not the centre of attention at the moment she gets on with you so she can't really project her childish attention seeking at you, so she's chosen an easy target your younger sister. If I were you I have an honest conversation and ask her to behave for the sake of your friendship and her brother.

Be prepared for her to walk away and still make everything about her by not attending at all.

cuppycakey · 29/04/2019 22:20

Sack her - who needs this shit?

LucyAutumn · 29/04/2019 22:27

Could your other SIL or even your MIL talk to her?

Original poster
Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 22:32

My DP is also very concerned about how she will act on the morning of the wedding! He thinks she is being very unreasonable and rude at the moment. He has said to me he will understand if I dont feel it's right to have her there on the morning getting ready with me. I just feel sorry for my DP, it must be hard on him aswell! I don't want a massive family rift as all this makes me so anxious Sad
I think giving her the 3 options is a good idea! Smile although she has already said she can't promise she won't act inappropriately so I just can't guarantee she won't ruin it for me and everyone else! It's so upsetting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 22:33

Her sister and mum just pander to her all the time! My DP does not do that so that's good!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 29/04/2019 22:33

What has her sister said ?

This doesn't really make a lot of sense. Does she have history for this sort of behaviour ? Was this a completely out of character change?
Did her sister / your other bridesmaid not tell her to grow up ? What has your DP said to her ?

fruitbrewhaha · 29/04/2019 22:35

You need to sack her as BM, tell her it's because she said she can't promise to behave. You DP can give her a job to do on the day, tht way she is still part of the proceedings.

Tistheseason17 · 29/04/2019 22:36

Sack her off. She'll ruin the fun of getting ready!

Justmuddlingalong · 29/04/2019 22:38

Since your DP is on board then sacking her is the way forward, I think. Let him do it though. Then you're not seen as the big bad SIL. Make sure he tells her that you're both in agreement.

greatspens566 · 29/04/2019 22:39

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moggiek · 29/04/2019 22:40

She's ruining things for you already. You need to sack her.

AWishForWingsThatWork · 29/04/2019 22:41

I'm glad your husband to be has your back.

I'd sit her down again and go with the suggestion above re 3 choices. And if she's 'not sure', tell her you'll make the decision then and she will no longer be in the wedding party. IF she makes a fuss, then she won't be invited at all.

Sounds like a spoiled brat. Don't cater to her.

LJS79 · 29/04/2019 22:42

Be clear about what you want.
Are you happy for her to be a bridesmaid just not there getting ready with you in the morning? That could be a compromise, she's already said she can't promise to behave!
Or do you not want her to be a bridesmaid?

Original poster
Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 22:44

She has thrown strops like this before but I really didn't think she would do it on my wedding or on important events leading up to it Sad

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 29/04/2019 22:47

Yep - give her the 3 options, and make it clear that if she can't be actively and charmingly engaged on the day, you will ask her to leave and even march her out of the room/building yourself if she can't play nicely.

Caselgarcia · 29/04/2019 22:50

Do you really think you will be able to enjoy the day and not worry about her having a tantrum and ruining it? Do you think she's enjoying have this control?
Take back control and say if she can't control herself she better not come. She is 100% responsible for her behaviour.

7yo7yo · 29/04/2019 22:50

Sack her as bridesmaid.
I’m fact sack her from the whole wedding.
It’s a no brainier.
She sounds like an attention seeking drama llama who will deliberately spoil your day.
Get your fiancé to tell her her services are no longer required as he can’t stand to see you upset.

7yo7yo · 29/04/2019 22:51

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WhenISnappedAndFarted · 29/04/2019 22:51

Are you sure it's your sister that's the young one? She sounds like a spoilt child.

I like the idea of the three options, put the ball in her court and let her decide what she's going to do.

TheBigFatMermaid · 29/04/2019 22:53

She has given you no choice, you have to sack her, as she cannot promise she will behave on the day! Fuck that!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2019 22:54

Her saying she can't be sure she won't act inappropriately on the day of your wedding = she absolutely WILL act inappropriately on the day of your wedding.

FFS, stop playing games with this maniac. Tell her she is not allowed anywhere near your wedding, in any capacity. Who cares if this ruins your relationship with her? She's the only one responsible for that.

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