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Original poster

Bridesmaid issues! 6 weeks to go!!

168 replies

Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 21:47

I'm having a massive bridesmaid problem and I don't know what to do!

I have 3 adult bridesmaids, my sister and my DP 2 sisters. One of my DP sisters (26) is acting a bit odd and I think unfair! I have paid for their dresses and about a month ago all 3 of them came round to my parents house where the dresses are being kept to try dresses on to make sure they fitted okay. My sister and DP other sister were happily trying them on and trying different ways to wear them etc but the other sister didn't speak to anyone the whole time, she sat in the other room and refused to participate! She made rude comments and snapped at my sister a couple of times! After a while she said 'get this dress off me I'm going home'

She then came round a week later to our house and told me how she dislikes my sister and has been making snide comments ever since. I had my hen do at the weekend and yet again DP sister sat there the whole day and didn't say a word, was rude to my mum who had spent hours planning my hen do and always makes sure everyone is okay. DP sister also complained about the food, drink, hotel and how she wouldn't be staying there again! She didn't even speak to me the whole day and yet again snapped at my sister who then ended up in tears.

The problem is I'm supposed to be getting ready with them on the morning of my wedding! Along with my mum and my DP mum but I'm not sure I want DP sister there with me now Sad I'm so worried she will upset my family or me and make everyone feel uncomfortable!

Should I still have her there in the morning or should I not? I will feel bad having to tell her she's not welcome anymore. We were quite close before all this so I don't know what's happened! I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lozzy25 · 30/04/2019 07:47

Oh and it's a multi way dress so it's one that can be tied in a few ways at the top Smile we were all trying them on to see what ways they could wear them! However she didn't participate at all and stormed out of my parents house Hmm

OP posts:
LakieLady · 30/04/2019 07:47

How old is she? 12?

She's already told you she can't guarantee to behave like a civilised person, so bin her off.

What an attention-seeking mare!

bigbadbadger · 30/04/2019 07:50

She should get ready with her mum and her mum should be asked to remove her if she starts having a tantrum. Stop discussing, asking and pandering. Tell her you love your sister and mum and will not see the, treated poorly, and that you no longer want her around!

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/04/2019 08:00

You need to stand up to her strongly now, before this becomes the rest of your life. You absolutely will not stand for her speaking about or to your sister in that way and if she cannot be nice she cannot be involved.

moomin4071 · 30/04/2019 08:00

Also curious to how old she is?

downcasteyes · 30/04/2019 08:06

I think you have to be kind but firm here.

"Look, we have serious concerns about you as a bridesmaid for the wedding. Your behaviour during the trials has been somewhat negative, and you yourself have said that you can't guarantee you will be able to act appropriately on the day. Is there any reason you are behaving like this? Because if there isn't, and if we can't come up with a way to ensure you are happy on the day, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to resign as a bridesmaid"

UCOinanOCG · 30/04/2019 08:10

I think you and your DH both need to talk to her to present a united front. Tell her she either accepts it is your day and stops with the childish behaviour or she is no longer welcome to be a bridesmaid. If she takes a stroppy fit then she is barred from the wedding. You don't need that level of angst on your wedding day.

BasinHaircut · 30/04/2019 08:15

This is why I didn’t have any bridesmaids!

Although I don’t think I know anyone quite like your SIL....

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/04/2019 08:19

You really don't need an adult-sized sulky brat as a BM.

I'd just tell her that since she's evidently not happy in the role, it's better for her not to do it.
And ignore absolutely, with blithe unconcern, any subsequent sulky-brat behaviour. And tell everyone else concerned to do likewise.

regmover · 30/04/2019 08:21

How old is she? Read the Op's original post!

CoraPirbright · 30/04/2019 08:38

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

Jesus wept!! And this is a 26 year old adult!! I thought of suggesting that your MIL-to-be could perhaps intercede but then I read that she and her sister just pander to her. Also that the reason that she doesn't like your sister is that she wont be spoken to like shit and will answer back. It’s all a theme, isnt it - with her being the centre of attention, no one standing up to her. She sounds utterly monstrous!!

I would get your fiancé to tell her that as she has said she cannot guaranty that she will not ruin the day, that she is no longer welcome in any capacity, let alone a Bm. Even if she agrees to get ready elsewhere, she will still do her level best to ruin things for you. She will even manage it if she is just a guest.

What a disgusting person she is.

Nanny0gg · 30/04/2019 08:40

There's no 'maybe' about her kicking off. She definitely will.

She's a brat and you need to get rid of her.

Springwalk · 30/04/2019 08:44

dp needs to deal with this, sit down with her and your dp must give her an ultimatum.

She either confirms she will behave impeccably at the wedding, and will not continue to be rude to your sister and other guests OR she steps down from the role of bridesmaid.

I would make it very clear that her personal preferences are not important, and it is your day.

There is no way I would let her get ready with you whatever happens. The atmosphere will ruin it for you. Make sure Dp's sisters get ready at their house and meet you just before the wedding.

Ideally this would have come to light before now. Has she always been like this?

Springwalk · 30/04/2019 08:45

Given your update. I think I would not allow her to come to the wedding at all.

LunafortJest · 30/04/2019 08:45

Forget asking her to get ready elsewhere, you need to dismiss her. Because, how can you be sure she won't cause trouble on the day, regardless of where she gets ready? I can envisage her causing problems as part of the bridesmaids group on the day. Getting ready might just be the least of your worries. She could really cause trouble during the day, and make you and the other bridesmaids miserable. Sacking her (I would even go as far as suggesting she shouldn't attend the wedding because if she is demoted she may just cause drama to be vindictive) I think is the only sensible option. You need to work out if you want a happy and stress-free couple of bridesmaids, or a group of miserable ones. Put the other two bridesmaids' first, for the sake of a drama-free day.

LunafortJest · 30/04/2019 08:48

I agree with Springwalk. She seems to have serious anti-social issues and you really don't need her there at all. She will cause trouble, regardless of being bridesmaid or guest. Uninvite for sanity. You only get one wedding day (hopefully).

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/04/2019 08:49

You can leave it all to your DP.

He goes to his mum's, meets with her and both sisters and tells them all that her behaviour is unacceptable and her statement that she won't promise not to kick off at the wedding is a threat too far. As she is the problem, she is the one looming over his wedding, threatening to spoil his day he is uninviting her. His mum and other sister can make up their own minds, but if he is clear that it is her own chilish and rude behaviour that is pissing him off they won't have to look to you for any blame.

usernamerisnotavailable · 30/04/2019 08:51

Sounds like a nightmare. Am so sorry OP. I would only give her 2 options. Either promise to behave on the wedding day or step down. If. She isn't able to convince you she means the promise then let her go. The issue for is going to be handling other SIL and MIL is you want to avoid a family rift. I would also sit them down and explain the conversation you've had with maidzilla and that she hasn't been able to promise to behave when given the option. So it is her decision to not be involved. As as PP above said, mean it. Every time. Hold firm. Stay calm and please please do it all in person not by bloody text or WhatsApp. Good luck!

recrudescence · 30/04/2019 08:51

She’s going for constructive dismissal and you should oblige her.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/04/2019 08:52

So very well put Grin

Mummaofmytribe · 30/04/2019 08:56

Don't have her as bridesmaid. It's you and your fiance's special day and she "can't promise" to behave herself! She sounds seriously jealous and nutty ,therefore not to be trusted. You'd be on eggshells the whole time waiting for her to kick off.
Sack her!
Hope you have a beautiful day and congratulations.

NotSorry · 30/04/2019 08:56

Also curious to how old she is?

One of my DP sisters (26) is acting a bit odd and I think unfair!

It's in the OP

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 30/04/2019 08:58

I also wouldn’t give her options. She won’t behave, will ruin the day and can you imagine the photos?!!!

cakecakecheese · 30/04/2019 09:00

Is she jealous? Is there anyone who she actually listens to who could have a word? Her Mum?

But really you do not need a sulky bridesmaid, I'd sack her.

Downunderduchess · 30/04/2019 09:01

Relieve her of bridesmaid duties. It sounds like she has zero interest in being one anyway so it's a win/win for you both. She can come to the wedding as a guest or not bother at all. Good luck & congratulations on your upcoming big day!

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