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Original poster

Bridesmaid issues! 6 weeks to go!!

168 replies

Lozzy25 · 29/04/2019 21:47

I'm having a massive bridesmaid problem and I don't know what to do!

I have 3 adult bridesmaids, my sister and my DP 2 sisters. One of my DP sisters (26) is acting a bit odd and I think unfair! I have paid for their dresses and about a month ago all 3 of them came round to my parents house where the dresses are being kept to try dresses on to make sure they fitted okay. My sister and DP other sister were happily trying them on and trying different ways to wear them etc but the other sister didn't speak to anyone the whole time, she sat in the other room and refused to participate! She made rude comments and snapped at my sister a couple of times! After a while she said 'get this dress off me I'm going home'

She then came round a week later to our house and told me how she dislikes my sister and has been making snide comments ever since. I had my hen do at the weekend and yet again DP sister sat there the whole day and didn't say a word, was rude to my mum who had spent hours planning my hen do and always makes sure everyone is okay. DP sister also complained about the food, drink, hotel and how she wouldn't be staying there again! She didn't even speak to me the whole day and yet again snapped at my sister who then ended up in tears.

The problem is I'm supposed to be getting ready with them on the morning of my wedding! Along with my mum and my DP mum but I'm not sure I want DP sister there with me now Sad I'm so worried she will upset my family or me and make everyone feel uncomfortable!

Should I still have her there in the morning or should I not? I will feel bad having to tell her she's not welcome anymore. We were quite close before all this so I don't know what's happened! I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2019 · 01/05/2019 06:54

Sack my friend had a Sil and she was like this a nightmare, she caused numerous scenes.

TidyDancer · 01/05/2019 07:01

You can't have her as a bridesmaid, there's too much potential for her to wreck things. I would contact her and make it clear she has left you with no choice. She can't be trusted. Not to mention your sister doesn't deserve this either.

fargo123 · 01/05/2019 07:03

You may be prepared to overlook it and so will her sister but what about YOUR sister, and your Mother? Is is OK that she will be rude and sulky and ignore them on the morning of the wedding?

Good point. It's not just herself the OP has to consider here, but also her extended family and the other guests.

I would be LIVID if anyone deliberately ruined my child's wedding day as the sister is obviously planning on doing. If I knew about it in advance I'd be having a very strong word to them myself.

I'd be equally pissed off if someone knew of this behaviour in advance and didn't prevent it by banning the person in the first place, even if the person who could do the banning was my own child or SIL/DIL-to-be, and chose not to.

Rightly or wrongly, it would also give me a very negative view of my new son-in-law if his family member ruined my daughter's wedding day.

Original poster
Lozzy25 · 01/05/2019 07:11

This is all so tough! Me and DP had another chat last night about her and the morning of the wedding and by the sounds of it I think he's changed his mind about me un inviting her to the morning Confused he was saying that he will have a serious chat to her and get her to apologise to me about the way she has acted so far!
I'm not the most confident of people and hate confrontation so I'm so worried that if I say she can't come to get ready with us it will cause massive problems between me and DP! He seemed on board with my decision the other day and now it seems he's changing his mind Sad I was saying that if I do have her on the morning of the wedding then I will be doing it for him and not for me! And if she ruins my morning or day I'm worried I won't be able to forgive her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lozzy25 · 01/05/2019 07:13

I think my DP is worried about having to deal with them and the drama it will cause if we tell her she's un invited!

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 01/05/2019 07:15

From what's been written, it sounds like your SIL is actively looking to start a disagreement at the wedding. Good luck with your DP having a word, it's a difficult position for you. If it wasn't a blood relation it probably wouldn't be quite so bad

IncrediblySadToo · 01/05/2019 07:20

It’s not his decision. If he wants to include her, she can go and get ready with him.

Does she think she doesn’t look as good in the dress as the other two? It’s still massively childish and pathetic, but if she’s been pandered to all her life I suppose it’s unsurprising.

fargo123 · 01/05/2019 07:20

I'm so worried that if I say she can't come to get ready with us it will cause massive problems between me and DP!

You and DP will have even bigger problems between you when she ruins your special day with her behaviour. At least by banning her, you won't have to spend the next 40 years being reminded of it whenever you see her in the wedding photos.

Honestly, if I turned up to a wedding and someone was deliberately causing a ruckus and then I found out that B&G knew in advance that this was likely to happen, I'd be wondering WTF did they invite this person then?

IncrediblySadToo · 01/05/2019 07:22

Lozzy

His attitude is one you need to deal with before you say ‘I do’. Seriously. He’s putting his bratty sister/family disruption because of her on your wedding day. If he won’t put YOUR (very reasonable) feelings before theirs on YOUR wedding day....🤷🏻‍♀️

crispysausagerolls · 01/05/2019 07:33

My bridesmaid was sulky and awful on the morning of my wedding and it really fucked up what was supposed to be a wonderful getting ready feeling: please, PLEASE, for yourself - sort this out! DP needs to understand this is a morning you cannot get back and if she ruins it it will be awful.

Blondebakingmumma · 01/05/2019 07:39

You are in a troublesome spot if your DP isn’t backing you anymore. Chat to him again and offer a middle ground.

I’d suggest meeting with SIL and telling her that you are looking forward to getting ready with her in the morning BUT if she feels that she can’t be civil to everyone that she can choose to get ready at home and meet you at the venue.

Good luck! By the way, there is no way I could sit back and listen to ANYONE be rude to my family and not say something. Tell her that her bahviour is not on and you have been disappointed with how she has treated your sister and mum so far. If you don’t it almost condoning the rudeness

Peaseblossom22 · 01/05/2019 07:45

I have not read all the updates but you don’t mention your future MIL , surely she won’t want her daughter to ruin her son’s wedding. Also what does your mother think, would it be possible for your mother to raise the issue with your MIL , she is behaving like a child so perhaps she needs her mum to tell her off or at least get to the bottom of it . If I was the mother of the bride and someone was threatening my daughters wedding day I would be livid.

Your DP may not have realised that the message he is giving is that your happiness is less important than his sisters , but you need to spell it out to him.

LagunaBubbles · 01/05/2019 07:46

she also said she couldn't be sure she wouldn't act inappropriately on the morning of the wedding

Well there's your answer. You need to toughen up a bit, I'm not being horrible but if you don't tell this woman she is not a BM anymore she will ruin your wedding. And then you will be back on here with the horror story that was your wedding day.

stucknoue · 01/05/2019 07:47

Is her mum the same asDP's? She may be better behaved with her mum there! Is your sister stirring btw? My 20 year old dd was be very conniving and mean, did she make snide remarks? Dp's sister needs to grow up but consider it might not be blameless

Flobochin · 01/05/2019 07:49

She's a diva.

She'll ruin your day if you have her a a bridesmaid so I'd get your partner to tell her she's no longer a bridesmaid.

With people like her you have to be tough or they walk all over you.

Acis · 01/05/2019 08:09

I think my DP is worried about having to deal with them and the drama it will cause if we tell her she's un invited!

Ask him why he worries more about this than the prospect of her ruining his wedding to you.

CoraPirbright · 01/05/2019 08:43

Someone upthread suggested another meeting re hair/make-up or some such. I would organise that and make sure everyone is in attendance including your fiancé, MIL-to-be, your mum etc. Then when she throws another ghastly strop in front of the entire wedding party there is no way anyone is going to blame you when you tell her that she is no longer welcome!

Seriously, this bitch is going to cause some sort of rift one way or another so let the problem be blatantly caused by her and have the best outcome for you.

Ellie56 · 01/05/2019 09:14

I'd be asking DP why he's more concerned about upsetting his family than you being upset on your wedding day.

He should be backing you 100 per cent. If he doesn't and this bitch ruins your day this will cause problems between you and DP. But then maybe that's been Bitch Sister's intention all along?

You have to get the upper hand here. This is your day not hers. If necessary I'd be threatening to pull out of the wedding myself if she's not pulled out. Whose idea was it to have her as a BM anyway?

Highfivemum · 01/05/2019 09:48

She has told you she can’t guarantee how she would behave on the wedding morning. This would ruin your day so don’t risk it. There is only one answer and it’s tell her that due to her behavior and her comments etc it isn’t working her being bridesmaid. She may get a huge shock that you have stood up to her and maybe see the error of her ways etc it she may go off in a huff. At least you can put it to one side and concentrate on your big day. This is after all your big day not hers and she is taking too much of your time.

billy1966 · 01/05/2019 10:25

The potential legacy damage of this is huge. You need to think about that and discuss it with your partner.

You will not get over your wedding day being ruined.

You need to focus on how you will feel if your wedding is ruined by her and the consequences it will have for you, within your marriage.

Write them down and discuss with your partner.

If he's a good guy he will not want to start his marriage with this legacy.

If he dismisses your concerns - you actually have bigger concerns than your wedding day being spoilt.

Good luck.

Ginkeepsmesane · 01/05/2019 10:38

Could you organise a meet up with the wedding party (talk about run through of the day, their responsibilities etc) but previous to this, have your partner talk to his sister to say that any more of her negative behaviour will not be tolerated. This gives her a final chance and if she acts up, everyone else will see and you can call her out there & then.

Id also be inclined to say that you are more than happy for all of your in laws to get ready with your partner -if he isn't willing to sort out his sister. Just say that you've changed your mind and want your dad there all morning, so don't think it's appropriate for other ladies to be getting ready in the same space.
'God forbid he accidentally walk in on them changing!' ;)

Omzlas · 01/05/2019 11:46

If you (both) allow her to be at your wedding, she will make it all about her, how badly she's treated and generally play a martyr. Nip it in the bud now, it won't get any better. She's childish and needs the naughty step.

You both need to put your big pants on and deal with her - he either guarantees you that she'll act like the grown up she's supposed to be, or step down. Or be cut out of the wedding. Don't let her ruin your day OP

nothinglikeadame · 01/05/2019 13:18

She will ruin your wedding because you have effectively given her permission to by not getting rid when she stated she couldn't guarantee reasonable behaviour.

She's an attention seeking , mardy twat who is totally prepared to ruin the whole day.

The warning signs are there, if you let her be a bridesmaid in any capacity then you will hace to suffee the consequences.

ByeClaire · 01/05/2019 13:38

Agree with others that you may potentially have a DP problem. She has already said she can’t promise she won’t cause trouble - there’s your answer. It’s a clear line. And tbh I’m not sure why you’re focusing so much on the getting ready in the morning when she’ll have the whole day to disrupt. Do you want a bridesmaid with a face like thunder walking down the aisle?

Was it your DP’s idea to have her as a bridesmaid?

BarrenFieldofFucks · 01/05/2019 13:49

I'd be tempted to just tune her out. Don't give her the drama she wants by dismissing her, or biting back when she's rude. You, your mum and sisters just 'grey rock' her from now on, including on the day. Literally tune her out.

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