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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In saying they can't stay tonight?

231 replies

pinkgloves · 29/04/2019 15:14

A friend of dh and mine's asked to stay one night this week. Said they'd be coming on their own (they have two young dc) and possibly Monday but more likely later in the week.

I said 'sure, but give me a day or so's notice as we're planning on going away for a night.'

They messaged at 9am this morning saying they were coming this afternoon with their two dc also.

I don't have a room made up for them (in the process of swapping winter to summer gear so there's stuff everywhere and it's a few hours work to get it ready plus the house is a mess and needs a couple of days to clean before I want people staying!)

So I said we had plans for tonight now, tomorrow or Thursday would be fine.

DH is all stroppy because he thinks I've been rude. Friend sent a stroppy message saying he's now got to rejuggle plans as they were all set to come tonight.

I'm suffering from a particularly bad bout of anxiety and OCD at the moment so would like opinions on whether I've been unreasonable as I know my judgement can be clouded.

I don't do well with last minute plans which I why i asked for a day or so's heads up! I know that's not their problem though.

OP posts:
BoldMeDontAtMe · 30/04/2019 19:24

I hope the expensive groceries included wine for you Pink. Drink your wine, be as delightful as you can, then when they've gone have a good chat with your DH about how to handle Cheeky Fuckers in future.

Binglebong · 30/04/2019 19:41

Ok OP, join forces with DH and get through this. Tomorrow drink. And then Thursday you need to talk with DH and get things sorted.

Be clear what is wrong and how it should be done in the future. How this friend's actions have been unacceptable - from using you in order to get a gumtree deal to the lack of notice (twice!) and adding badly behaved children to what was already agreed (and the appalling parenting previously). Add in the expense spent by your DH on food. Work out in advance what you want sending the family to the moon and what compromise you will agree to, maybe meeting only in a neutral location? Be clear on the extra work and stress caused and how you will together avoid it in the future. Try to stay calm- a list of points would be a good idea but maybe keep it a mental list- a physical one could be too confrontational.

Good luck and enjoy the wine!

Motoko · 30/04/2019 19:44

You've got a DH problem.

What the hell was he thinking? It will have to be the car payment, unless you can speak to the mortgage company and ask to pay a bit later. And you DH needs to find the money PDQ.

Happynow001 · 30/04/2019 19:46

OP, I hope your friends aren't on MN

It would be pretty easy to recognise themselves from the detail in your posts
I hope they are!

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2019 20:13

Wtf your dh sounds worse by the minute. Not to be trusted with your child. Expensive speakers and blowing money on a costly feast but can’t keep up with your repayments on loans. I think he and his friend have a lot more in common than you realised.

Holidayshopping · 30/04/2019 20:34

Hmmm, poor you; your DH is largely to blame for all of this Confused.

Original poster
pinkgloves · 30/04/2019 21:03

They've been here 10 minutes and the younger one has peed in the bathroom and the living room.

They've just started potty training today apparently.

*WHO THE FUCK STARTS POTTY TRAINING WHEN THEY'RE AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE?!!!!
*
AngryEnvyAngryEnvy

OP posts:
Jokie · 30/04/2019 21:14

@pinkgloves: I'd be telling them to put a nappy on that kid right away and to start when they get home. That's not on.

DartmoorDoughnut · 30/04/2019 21:21

Wow ... honestly I’m surprised you’re not more anxious living with your DH, who on earth blows bill money on unnecessary food?

Oh and yes tell them to put a nappy on youngest

ByeClaire · 30/04/2019 21:24

What?!! Has the father cleaned up after the boy? And how old is the child?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 30/04/2019 21:29

They are monsters.

There's nothing left for it, OP. Get all the wine, get in the boat and sail to the deserted island until they go.

Its too late for your DH- save yourself!

CheshireChat · 30/04/2019 21:29

That's actually a really fair question you could ask the dad. After he clears up hopefully.

BentBaastard · 30/04/2019 21:30

I hope the father cleaned up.

Idiot.

woolduvet · 30/04/2019 21:34

I bet the child wasn't being nappy free in their car.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 30/04/2019 21:42

Surely no parent is this bad

DisappearingGirl · 30/04/2019 21:43

That sounds a nightmare. And I remember the sea wall thread too!!

IHateUncleJamie · 30/04/2019 21:44

WTF? 😱😱 Oh, that would be IT for me, @pinkgloves. Please tell me you’ve gone apeshit, handed this utter twat the cleaning things and said “PUT A NAPPY ON YOUR CHILD RIGHT NOW”?

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/04/2019 21:47

Bloody hell. I hope he is cleaning up after him

Slatkater · 30/04/2019 21:47

Of course CF dad didn’t clean up after his kid.

Langrish · 30/04/2019 21:49

Aren’t his children in School?

BoldMeDontAtMe · 30/04/2019 22:24

OP said they're not so hung up on school attendance in the States.

timeisnotaline · 30/04/2019 23:31

You really can say that out loud. You aren’t toilet training your child in my house.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 30/04/2019 23:36

Seriously OP, tell him no potty training in your home. You're as bad as your DH if you just allow that to continue.

BattenburgIsland · 30/04/2019 23:37

YANBU at all. I'd really hate this. If I say a couple of days notice or a days notice then that is what I need. Even for people not staying overnight I'd need to be asked, I'd not want someone just telling me they were coming over.
My husband would probably be the same as yours and not see what the fuss was about because he isnt an anxious person and he isnt responsible for the majority of the cleaning.... but honestly I would not back down. You have a right to have clear boundaries about who enters your home when because its YOUR home not a B&B.

BattenburgIsland · 30/04/2019 23:38

Omg cross post I cant believe they came!! Your husband is a twat!!