To get cross every time I see a woman say her husband doesn't do any night feeds because "he works"?

[TeenTitans]

I'm in a few mum groups online and I keep seeing this and it's driving me mad. Women who's husband's never do any night feeds because they work and women who think that's perfectly okay. Erm do you not think looking after the kids all day is work? My response is always "so do you!" when I see it. My partner has always helped with the nights because they're his kids as well and it's just as much his job as mine.

I'm not complaining about couples divvying up the work as they wish but the justification. YOU ALSO WORK.

I breastfeed, so I do input. DH does nappies etc. TBH he's usually up to help at night.

Wish mine had slept through at 6 months.
😫 I can still remember the absolute exhaustion of being up for the day by 6am with a baby and a toddler after being up several times in the night feeding. I became obsessed with sleep. It left such an impression on me that even now my kids are 18 and 21years old I still don't take sleep for granted.

Who would take on the majority of night feeds and who would only do weekends.

I am a little irritated that the assumption is that the baby is formula fed. There seems to be no allowance for breastfed babies from some posters on this thread.

TeenTitans i have 4 children with hubby and i did all night feeds and was knackered but at least i know that hubby wasnt tired driving to and from work and had that focus that he needed when at work! At least i would know that he would drive sensibly and not fall asleep at the wheel!! Its got nothing to do with inequality at all we all get fed up and do things we want a break from day in and day out and get tired and feel crappy but thats what happens when you have kids! You work together as parents to find what best suits your relationship and your family! And if that means the mums doing the night feeds then so be it!

Tapas, i didn't read that assumption. I breast fed but would express so husband could have that wonderful experience of feeding himself. We also gave the odd bits of formula. So you can breastfeed and still
Share feeding, night or day, theoretically. I don’t see your beef.

BarbadosBrenda

Op is a plastic feminist!

@TapasForTwo

Mea culpa. Both of mine were exclusively breastfed, but I found expressing very easy and babies took bottle and breast combined with no issue, so it's not something I thought about. OP thinks they should do half each. I think working parent should do last and first but not in between. Neither of those allow for babies who won't take a bottle or mum's who can't express, but OP would argue with that anyway since she gets angry at women who do all the feeds.

And there's another quote from me where I said majority and weekend (aka non-working nights)

Yes I know you said that the working parent should do the majority on non-work nights but apart from the fact that would be impossible if breastfeeding, it still means the nonworking parent is doing everything five nights a weeks which would not be dangerous if the baby was waking 8 x a night.

Again, well said captain Skippy.

I find it funny that on one hand SAHP only sit on their bums watching TV, but when I point out some of what I do, I'm somehow a kept woman. Apparently the only way to be a SAHM is to do every night feed but do fuck all else.

My husband was studying to be a nurse and working 2 nights a week so yes, I did the night feeds as I'd rather he didn't fall asleep in his car on his way to placement and die, I'm old fashioned like that!

I don't think you should have to do half each either. I think men should do some of it. If that means doing one night in the week, and a Friday and Saturday, fine. If that means doing shifts, fine. I don't care whether it's 50 50 or 60 40 or whatever. I just think all women should get some uninterrupted nights sleep when the only justification is he works.

Women can fall asleep in their car and die though. Unless you lot never drive while on mat leave.

'cook, clean, take the kids out, wash his clothes, get his suits ready. I do everything domestic'

I don't think we've discussed this startling comment sufficiently op. How about if someone said to you 'I get cross everytime a woman says she does all the cooking and cleaning because her husband works'. What would you say?

I'll tell you the answer shall I? It's whatever works for each individual family.

You op are not the boss.

Honestly I wish I’d have known what kind of a father my husband would e before I married and had kids with him. They all say they’ll do things but they don’t. Some men will just never feel like the childcare side of things is their responsibility regardless of whether or not the mother works full time part time or stays home.

I always did all the night feeds. Every 2 hours until our son was 11 months.
I was the only one with boobs...

Barbados if you think individual choices are made in a vacuum, more fool you.

@Dungeondragon15
And yet I managed it completely alone, 7 nights a week. And my kids had medical issues so he was up 8 or 9 times a night.

Most kids arent up that much (my first wasnt and other mums tell me thay theirs werent) so its really not as horrible or as dangerous as all that. Its just having a baby.

TheInvestigator if its that easy, a bloke could also do it then.

'you think individual choices are made in a vacuum, more fool you.'

You get his suits ready! Some people do the night feeds so what.

Who are you to judge when you're doing all the cooking, cleaning and suit preparation

if you think individual choices are made in a vacuum, more fool you

Quite. Which is why the concept of wifework is so damaging

How is that remotely comparable? Doing the washing doesn't render me sleep deprived when in charge of children.

'Which is why the concept of wifework is so damaging'

I think the op does the wife work because hubby is doing a 'precious perfect job'. Yet she sneers at people doing the night feeds for this very reason.

All very hypocritical really.

I love how you've all positively jumped on the fact I do anything stereotypically "feminine", because while that's a nice strawman, my argument was never that women or sahp shouldn't ever do anything stereotypical. It was that sahp deserve sleep as much as the working parent and that it's overwhelmingly the woman who is expected to be sleep deprived at the extent of the man.

I think the op does the wife work because hubby is doing a 'precious perfect job'. Yet she sneers at people doing the night feeds for this very reason.

Erm, no. It's nothing to do with his job and everything to do with it being easier to get them washed and dried in the day than the evening.

I think it’s what works for the couple but just because one person works outside the home doesn’t mean there can’t be some arrangement where they do some night feeds. I work full time as does my finance and I went back between my children.

I have an 11 month old and a 2.5 year old, both were breastfeed for 7/8 months but I also expressed so they took bottles. For me sleep deprivation is the killer, the first 3 months of only sleeping for a few hours at a time really affected me with the first.

With our first my other half would do night feeds on a fri and sat night so I could get some uninterrupted sleep. With my second he didn’t do any night feeds because he tended to deal with our eldest who was 18 months at the time and I dealt with our newborn. I coped slightly better with the sleep deprivation the second time, I think partly because you know it’s going to get better so there was a psychological element for me.

The situation was just slightly different for us second time round.

Interestingly I now sleep with earplugs in and my OH listens to the monitor, and that’s because if I wake up I find it really hard to go back to sleep whereas he can sleep through anything!!