Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

374 replies

trully · 28/04/2019 17:00

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

OP posts:
QueenOfTheTofuTree · 28/04/2019 17:01

It is based on a sexist tradition.

I am not sure if DP and I will ever get married but if we do I would only have my father walk me down the aisle if it was something that meant a lot to him.

QueenOfTheTofuTree · 28/04/2019 17:02

And no my DP will not ask my father for permission to marry me. They both know how I feel about that Grin.

Stillabitemo · 28/04/2019 17:03

Not married but I don’t wish to be walked down the aisle and given away when the time comes because I’m not property. I’m aware it’ll cause a LOT of issues though when I say I don’t want it so I’ll have to elope Grin

An option I’d be happy to accept would be being walked down the aisle by mum AND dad as more of a representation of being walked by my family into my new ‘life stage’ or walking down with my nephews but really I want to walk alone

FamilyOfAliens · 28/04/2019 17:04

It’s not that I was “bothered” by it - that’s an odd way of putting it.

I just didn’t believe that I was owned by my dad - or anyone for that matter. Therefore I didn’t need to be “given away”.

I also had a best woman (this was in 1993), my mum signed the wedding register and our entire day was vegetarian. It was fab!

ladyratterley · 28/04/2019 17:05

I think it’s totally outdated and sexist.
Having said that, my Dad will be walking me down the aisle when I get married later this year. We’re having a registry office ceremony though so he won’t technically be “giving me away” although I guess that’s what it’s symbolic of.
He’s in his early 70’s and I know it will mean a lot to him so I feel there’s no harm in doing it. I’m close to him so am rather looking forward to it!
It doesn’t feel quite as ridiculous as the hand in marriage thing.

MoreSlidingDoors · 28/04/2019 17:05

I walked down the aisle alone.

Anything else perpetuates the myth that we (women) are property.

DramaAlpaca · 28/04/2019 17:06

It meant an awful lot to my DF to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day, and I was delighted to have him do that. It was a very special thing for both of us, and I'm one of those who posted on the other thread that I'd have been annoyed if DH had asked DF for his permission to marry me.

TakeAChanseyOnMe · 28/04/2019 17:06

It’s becoming more popular to have both parents (if they’re in the picture) walk the bride down the aisle.

I suggested this but my mum didn’t want any attention on her!

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2019 17:06

My Dad accompanied me in the car, walked me down the aisle and it made us both happy. It was just a bit of tradition as DH and I had been living together for 5 years prior to getting married.

MoreSlidingDoors · 28/04/2019 17:07

I think it’s totally outdated and sexist.

It is, which makes this:

We’re having a registry office ceremony though so he won’t technically be “giving me away” although I guess that’s what it’s symbolic of.

utterly hypocritical.

The civil ceremony has an option for “who gives this woman”. There’s nothing less sexist about it in a civil setting!

archivebuildingsite · 28/04/2019 17:07

My father didn't walk me down the aisle (or the isle for that matter), nor did he "give me away" - walking down the aisle could be perfectly fine as long as the groom's father or mother did the same I guess, but "giving away" is utterly sexist and also utterly meaningless given most couples live together before marriage, not with their parents, and of course humans are no longer chattel ...

DH and I walked in together - we'd been to quite a few weddings in the run up and he strongly objected to the equally sexist tradition of the groom standing at the front looking daft and the person about to perform the ceremony making obligatory jokes about the bride not turning up Grin

LordoftheRinse · 28/04/2019 17:07

I walked down the aisle alone. My DF wasn’t happy about it at all!

MoreSlidingDoors · 28/04/2019 17:08

It was just a bit of tradition

Like marital rape? That was traditional. So was men having all the legal rights. And slavery. How traditional are you planning to be?

SenecaFalls · 28/04/2019 17:08

My father walked with me down the aisle. There was no giving away, though. And I kept my name.

user1480880826 · 28/04/2019 17:09

Your marriage vows can be whatever you want them to be. There was no mention of being “given away” by my father in my wedding vows.

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 28/04/2019 17:09

My dad has declined to come to my wedding so my mum will walk me down the aisle. I was perfectly happy to walk down on my own but dp said it would be nice for my mum. She's not 'giving me away' as I left home 22 years ago!

MoreSlidingDoors · 28/04/2019 17:09

Your marriage vows can be whatever you want them to be.

Not in England and Wales they can’t be.

NaBiAgOl · 28/04/2019 17:09

Well, if I were to do it now I'd walk down the aisle alone! I'm my own person.

wellspankmyarse · 28/04/2019 17:10

i walked by myself. at 30 I deemed myself a big girl now.

SenecaFalls · 28/04/2019 17:11

DH and I walked in together.

I really like this relatively new tradition and hope it becomes universal.

janeybumtum · 28/04/2019 17:11

My dad wouldn't come to my wedding because he doesn't believe in marriage and he and my mum couldn't be in the same room. I walked along it alone.

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2019 17:11

Tradition as in it's what most people did, and it's part of the marriage ceremony that we wanted MoreSlidingDoors. I hope that's ok. Confused

Wedding was over twenty years ago now so not able to turn back time even if I wanted to. Sorry about that.

umberellaonesie · 28/04/2019 17:11

I wasn't given away at either of my weddings. At my first wedding my husband to be and I walked down the aisle together and my second wedding husband to be walked down the aisle to me, he was accompanied by his best man and his brother. They had been piped through the village from his mother's house to the wedding venue. It was lovely as they had half the village trailing after them who then stayed to witness the ceremony.
I did not want to given away cos my dad is liability and would have made it a total performance and all about him. Not for any feminist reason really.

Sux2buthen · 28/04/2019 17:11

Yes being walked down the aisle and marital rape, that's the same Grin
Good grief. I may ask my dad to, purely to involve him.

happymummy12345 · 28/04/2019 17:12

Again I think it's a nice touch. I was glad my dad walked me down the aisle, lifted my veil from my face.
(And the registrar knew we wanted the ceremony to be as close to a church as possible, so during my chat with her she asked if I'd like to include things that are not usually included, such as asking "who gives this woman to be married to this man", and my dad to reply that he does, and pass my hand over). So we did that as well.
I don't think it's sexist, just a nice touch.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.