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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

374 replies

trully · 28/04/2019 17:00

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 28/04/2019 18:55

MoreSlidingDoors I don't know what that has to do with weddings.

I think it's fly tipping though so best you don't as you could get a fine. Unlike your father walking you down the aisle.

LittleCandle · 28/04/2019 18:55

DD2 is NC with her dickhead father. She and her boyfriend are serious and she was talking about it with me and asked if I would walk down the aisle with her, as I have been with her for the first steps of most new things in her life (starting school, going to university) and I am honoured to do so. There was never any question of the boyfriend asking my permission, because DD2 is an independent lady and can make up her own mind if she wants to marry him or not.

My DF walked me down the aisle, looking like there was a bad smell under his nose the whole way. XH did not ask permission and it wouldn't have been given if he had! The minister did not ask 'who gives this woman', nor did I promise to obey. I didn't feel demeaned.

CheeseIsEverything · 28/04/2019 18:55

I’m off to chuck a load of plastic in my nearest river. Nobody else can object, because it’s my choice. Even though if everyone did it it would impact on everything

Your comparisons are utterly stupid. What negative affect on you does one woman deciding she wants her father to walk down the aisle have?

yogafailure · 28/04/2019 18:58

My dad walked me down the aisle and was as proud as punch to do it. He didn't give me away...it's not in the CoS service I don't think 🤔. Now that my dad is no longer with us I look back at those few moments of us he and I and smile. I can't get into a larger about it. Then again I'm ancient and have been married over 25 years 🤷🏼‍♀️

MintyCedric · 28/04/2019 19:02

My dad walked me down the aisle at my first wedding. We are very close and I saw it as a lovely tradition to share with him. Wasn't totally traditional though in that I had a best woman and I have a speech at the reception instead of now XH.

If I get married again I certainly wouldn't expect my dad to be consulted and I'd walk down whatever aisle may feature either on my own or probably with my daughter.

It's more than likely she'll be an adult and my dad will no longer be with us by the time that happens though!

mellongoose · 28/04/2019 19:07

Dad walked me down the aisle and I was honoured to have him with me. End of. It says nothing about my feminist credentials. It says I love my dad.

MoreSlidingDoors · 28/04/2019 19:08

Your comparisons are utterly stupid. What negative affect on you does one woman deciding she wants her father to walk down the aisle have?

It’s not about the individual choice. It’s about the societal impact of that choice times however many people choose it.

Dungeondragon15 · 28/04/2019 19:12

I don't think it is the same thing at all as asking the father for permission to marry. That is obviously sexist whereas walking down the isle with someone is just that. They aren't giving you away just because they have gone for a walk with you.

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 28/04/2019 19:13

My dad walked me down the isle. That final moment when we stood outside the church together was lovely and had nothing to do with ownership of me. Each to their own but everyone seems to be permanently offended these days.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 28/04/2019 19:18

We got married in a Catholic Church so no “who gives this woman...” stuff but my Dad walked me down the aisle. He said it was something he’d been looking forward to for 21 years (since I was born). I didn’t feel like a “possession” or “chattel” and I hope that one day DH will get to walk our DD down the aisle or into whatever venue she may choose for a wedding.

Thesearmsofmine · 28/04/2019 19:20

My dad walked in with me(registry office). I am close with him and wanted him to walk in with me at what was an important moment of my life.

Tiredmum100 · 28/04/2019 19:23

Doesn't and didn't bother me at all. I was a bit nervous walking down that isle so I'm gald I had someone who loved me walking next to me.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2019 19:24

@MoreSlidingDoors spouting bollocks really doesn't do anything to promote feminism. There is no reason why a strong independent woman shouldn't have her father walking her down the aisle if it's what she wants. It doesnt make her look like a possession it is something she has chosen for herself. It is damaging nobody.

IncorrigibleTitmouse · 28/04/2019 19:24

My DH and I met at the top of the aisle and walked down to our celebrant hand in hand together. We saw no relevance to either of our parents ‘walking’ us. Unless you’re really young and being married from your parents’ home it seems a bit outdated to me. We’d both lived alone, then together for a couple of years so felt the most appropriate thing was to walk it together. I think it’s very much a personal choice so it doesn’t matter much what anyone else thinks.

Itsagrandoldteam · 28/04/2019 19:26

We got married in a small church in Scotland 18 years ago, there was only 6 other people and us. My mom and dad had both already passed away, so I walked down the aisle with my husband to be.
Had my mom and dad been alive we probably would have had a completely different wedding.

coffeeaddiction · 28/04/2019 19:30

I did not have my father walk me down the aisle , we have a pretty distant relationship and I didn't feel I belonged to anyone to give away

cptartapp · 28/04/2019 19:33

My dad was dead so my brother walked me down the aisle. My DM 'gave me away'. It meant a lot to her and after being widowed at 51 and as I had no strong feelings on the matter I felt it was the least I could do.

Pinotjo · 28/04/2019 19:56

My dad died before he got the chance to walk myself or my sister's down the aisle, id give anything to have that opportunity, my daughter is nc with her dad, she'll ask her cousin to do the honour, they're like brother and sister

TriciaH87 · 28/04/2019 19:58

My father will not be in same room as my mum and step father after 17 years which infuriates me. Handy that my dad is 150 miles away from area I live and so does my mum. When my partner of ten years gets round to asking I have came to the conclusion I can't pick between the man who raised me until I was 14 as his biologically not my dad and the man who has been there since I was 14. For that reason I will be telling them all to suck it up and I will be asking my eldest son who is currently 12 to walk me down the aisle. Saves all the drama and upsetting either of them. Will do a father daughter dance with each of them if they show up.

Alsohuman · 28/04/2019 20:00

My son walked me down the aisle at my most recent wedding. It was lovely.

Still18atheart · 28/04/2019 20:01

I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. 2 reasons I’m quite a traditional person and i like this nod of tradition. The same way I’ll wear a white dress despite not being a virgin. Also I want him there for support because I’ll probably already be a nervous wreck and the thought of all those eyes on me as I walk down the aisle on my own might send me over the edge

WalkAwaySugarbear · 28/04/2019 20:06

We had a non traditional wedding where both of our parents walked us both to the spot where we both married. It suited us but hey whatever works.

FedUpMum40 · 28/04/2019 20:09

It's a tradition, and I like this tradition, if I was on talking terms with my dad he would walk me down the Isle, my daughter already talks about her dad walking her down the Isle, it's a privilege for any decent dad to do if they so wish, I can't belive it's been equal to rape and slavery, honestly things are being taken way to far in this new age of being offended by everything and anything

Ginger1982 · 28/04/2019 20:11

My mum walked me down the aisle as my father is dead. I wish he had been there to do it but seeing as it had just been me and mum for many years it seemed right. It was like a bridge between my old life and my new one. I loved every second of it.

thecowjumpedoverthemoon · 28/04/2019 20:12

So interesting to see being 'given away' is on the same level as slavery and rape.. I'm going to be thinking about that one all night!

None of it bothers me although I will be having my son walk me down the isle so there's no arguments between my parent and step parents.

I don't see the problem with a traditional 'giving away' and also don't see a problem if a bride was to walk down alone. Each to their own!

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