To ask if you have a problem with your father walking you down the isle?

[trully]

I have just seen the thread about asking for hand in marriage and seeing how sexist it is etc etc I do agree and I understand where it came from. However, it's the same for your father "giving you away" and walking you down the isle. Does that bother everyone too?

Yes we didn't include slavery or marital rape in our wedding ceremony. We decided against it in the end.

England and Wales don't require women to be given away, do they?

I didn't have my father walk me down the aisle and didn't want to be given away. Me and my now DH walked down together

Moreslidingdoors We’re not having the “giving away” bit in our ceremony. I’m just planning on walking in with my Dad.
I’m kind of assuming the giving away bit is more the done thing in a religious ceremony. That might be my misconception though.

It's hardly the same as marital rape or slavery ffs. How ridiculously dramatic. Why not look at more in terms of father knowing he is taking his much loved, treasured and respected daughter to someone who will also love, treasure and respect her, rather than think of it in ownership terms.

My father didn't walk me down the aisle (or the isle for that matter), nor did he "give me away" - walking down the aisle could be perfectly fine as long as the groom's father or mother did the same I guess, but "giving away" is utterly sexist and also utterly meaningless given most couples live together before marriage, not with their parents, and of course humans are no longer chattel ...

DH and I walked in together - we'd been to quite a few weddings in the run up and he strongly objected to the equally sexist tradition of the groom standing at the front looking daft and the person about to perform the ceremony making obligatory jokes about the bride not turning up

I lived with someone so didn't get married, but DD hasn't spoken to her DF since we left and when this subject came up ( we do like watching the Say Yes to the Dress programmes as DD is a fashon student) DD was adamant she will never ask her dad to walk her down the aisle as it's too sexist for her.

In fact, her preference is for walking alone, or ideally walking down with her spouse to be, whoever that is (it's all hypothetical right now).

If I met someone new and we got married, I'll be the same, as marriage should be an equal partnership and this sort of thing sets the tone.

I made it clear to DH he was not to ask my dad first before proposing. I let him walk me down the aisle as I knew it meant a lot to him. I wasn't particularly bothered but it was more important to him to do it then for me to make a point by not doing it iyswim.

I don't think all the people we invited thought I was really being given to my DH?! We've all moved on a bit.

Moreslidingdoors is right about the vows in England and Wales. Yes, you can add extras, such as the giving away, but there are certain phrases and words that need to be said in front of the registrar and witnesses to form the marriage contract, so making it legally binding.

I hate it and won't be doing it. My dad won't mind at all, he just wants me to be happy.

Will have men and women making speeches too.

I had my DF on one side and my brother on the other, it made him feel included (he's on the spectrum) and gave him 'a role' as such. No giving me away though.

Yes, I'd see it in exactly the same way and wouldn't be comfortable with it. I've been to very few weddings where it's still done, as well - I wonder if it's on the way out? IMO, though, it feels different if both parents walk their child down the aisle.

I walked myself down the aisle. Cannot, cannot stand idea of a father giving away his daughter to another man.

Funnily enough I have just said on a different thread that if I married now I wouldn't get given away, I'd walk myself down, I'd reword vows, wouldn't marry in a church or take my husband's name. I was a brainwashed 20-something year old that didn't really think about it and what it all symbolised.

It's hardly the same as marital rape or slavery ffs. How ridiculously dramatic. Why not look at more in terms of father knowing he is taking his much loved, treasured and respected daughter to someone who will also love, treasure and respect her, rather than think of it in ownership terms.

Only daughters though. Never sons.

Remind me of the definition of sexism again.......

there are certain phrases and words that need to be said

But isn't that basically the consent to marry and a statement that there is no impediment? Those aren't really vows in a strict sense.

Again I think it's a nice touch. I was glad my dad walked me down the aisle, lifted my veil from my face.
(And the registrar knew we wanted the ceremony to be as close to a church as possible, so during my chat with her she asked if I'd like to include things that are not usually included, such as asking "who gives this woman to be married to this man", and my dad to reply that he does, and pass my hand over). So we did that as well.
I don't think it's sexist, just a nice touch.

Who lifted your husband’s veil and gave him to you?

I haven’t changed my name and Dh and I travelled to the registry office together. So not v traditional.

But my dad died when I was little and my mum some years ago and I wanted to involve my siblings. Partly to outweigh my v present (much liked)v many in laws.

So big brother walked me in, sister signed as witness, and other brother gave a speech (as did I).

TBH I was glad that I’d asked big brother, even though it was a very small room it was nice to have someone to have a chat with beforehand. 8 thin’ we skipped the ‘who gives her’ bit!

I got married in a registry office and walked in with DH, we were in the car together.
My dad couldn't have cared less tbh.

I had my father walk me down the aisle and, shock horror, was given away. We are Christians though. It was a lovely special moment with my dad, and it made me feel loved and happy.

Despite this obvious feminist fail, I have managed not to be enslaved or raped by DH, so silver linings and all that.

I was at a church wedding in sub-saharan Africa where both the bride and groom processed formally down the aisle, with family alongside them (who then had to declare that these really were the people they claimed to be!). It was interesting that in a much more 'traditional' society than the UK, the bride and groom were in some ways treated more equally during the ceremony.

I'd have done it when my dad was alive but as it was he died when I was quite young and my husband and I walked down the aisle together.

Some people just look to be offended no matter what so do as you want and let the haters hate.

My DH tried a few veils on but he couldn't find one that looked right so he didn't bother in the end.

It’s a tradition. I don’t like the connotations of it, so i didn’t get given away or walked down the aisle by anybody. In fact I didn’t walk down the aisle, DW and I were in the ceremony room greeting guests, we didn’t feel the need to make an entrance.

However people can do what they like. Most weddings I’ve been to the bride has been walked down the aisle by her dad, doesn’t make me think any less of them or like they are betraying the sisterhood. It just wasn’t for me.

My DH asked my Dad and my Dad walked me down the aisle. Both were nice traditions which acknowledged my parents contribution to my life and to the wedding. Both were happy proud moments for my Dad. If my Dad were likely to say no DH wouldn’t have got so far as asking him!
I feel I am an emancipated feminist woman