AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

Please speak to the class instructor. Explain your circumstances and they maybe able to apply for funding for you. Alot of clubs and organisations can help if you ask.

Actually, the earnings over £123/week is inaccurate. It is the earnings after tax and after certain expenses such as pension contributions (50% max) and some childcare costs.

The government give crap information on this. You'd think they want to discourage people from applying....

Even if OP ends up not qualifying here, this may still be information that helps someone else here. Inaccurate info on benefits claims helps no-one.

Thanks - I am aware of CA, that pension & childcare is taken into account and have used this loophole for years but I am now earning about 200 per week so quiet a but above

Carers assessment refused? Your LA is evil!

Is there a local young carers charity? They often have activities for the non-disabled child and sometimes access to funding to keep it going.

To put your mind more at ease about ditching swimming: We stopped swimming lessons for our two because they weren't progressing . We started up 3 years later and they caught on SO fast. I was glad we didn't waste more time and money.

Definitely ditch swimming. It sounds like your dd will gain so much more from the hobby she loves.

Ditch the swimming lessons. I used to be a swimming teacher and taught my DC and DGC to swim but I'd still say ditch the swimming. She can learn in a year or so or when you're in a position to take her yourself. Kids learn much quicker if they're taken swimming regularly by a parent or carer than the once a week splash about in a lesson.

Taejwondo has levels of progression and if they stop classes they fall behind. If you can possibly manage the £30 try to keep it up. You sound a lovely mum

Do the one she likes
Drop swimming for now but put ypur case to as for carers assessment and respite care for dc1 so you can take dc2 swimming or go with carer for dc1 and dc2 as well
If you are single parent this can boost ypur points to ge t respite care.. being able to spend time with other dc is a valid point...does dc1 spend time with other parent?
Your dc2 should not miss out...get more support with dc1.

Have you asked the club if they have a bursary/reduced fee scheme. Tell them that your circumstances have changed and you are no longer able to find the full amount and they may be able to offer you a reduced rate. Especially if the classes are not full/connected to a school/council.

You say swimming is important, and I agree with you. But from another perspective, I am really lucky my parents made me so martial arts as a teenager as it meant I was able to protect myself whilst on holiday in my early 20s and prevent getting raped. I also think martial arts is exceptionally important

The TKD club may have a store of outgrown equipment. Our local Scouts had a shout-out for boots, wellies, hiking gear, sleeping bags, etc, under the guise of decluttering. This enabled several children to take part who would otherwise have missed out on outdoor activities. Our local ballet classes had similar supplies of tutus and dance shoes.

Please ask. It's surprising how much people want to help once they know there is a need.

But its for siblings who are 'not coping'.

Really??! In our area its available for all children who are impacted, whether they properly 'care' or not. They run a group twice a month in the evenings which my DSs go to and they love it - just having a lot of fun, with other children who are in similar situations, and they tend to do an outing in the school holidays as well.

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

That's properly shit and I do understand your frustration with the situation. It's a tragedy that the people who already have a tougher time than most are forced to struggle all the more simply because they are devoting themselves to caring for some of the most vulnerable sectors of society.

I think some of the responses on this thread are indicative of how unbelievable it is that there are people who sacrifice their earning power to become carers are are rewarded with the frankly abysmal provision made for them by our country's social care system. It's unfathomable that it should come to this, but as long as there are people who will go without and do without for the sake of their families, those who are more interested in lining their own pockets will do so at their expense.

@rainbowbash

You sound like you are doing a fantastic job under really difficult circumstances and FWIW I'm sorry that you are in this position. I apply for a lot of grants for a charity I work with and it's often worth approaching the parish council for help as they might have funds they can draw on, but they will almost certainly know of projects or schemes that might be available to you and allow your daughter to access some of the things that these funds are specifically set aside for. If you want to PM me roughly where you are, I'd be happy to do the leg work of finding some options if that would help?

Also agree with p.p get her into sibling young carer groups.. it s there for her and at very least means she won't feel alone in having disabled sibling

I am really curious about the 'get her into young carers' responses. is it that easy elsewhere?

here you need a referral. you then sit on a waiting list for ages. Then you have an assessment and only if deemed in proper need of support you can access young carers.

there is also a reassessment every 12 months and if things have improved a lot, you have to leave this service. It's a really overstretched and not easily accessible support round here. just curious as it sounds so much easier elsewhere.

as for swimming vs TWD - Taekwondo it is. I think though, she is more excited about dropping the pool

www.careforcarers.org.uk/support/princess-royal-trust-for-carers

you have nothing to lose by giving them a ring.

unless you have contacted them before

Id cancel swimming as long as they can swim a bit, dd hated it but swims well now despite only have 6 months worth

The other thing I was wondering is whether you can get respite through the nhs, it depends on the condition but my friend gets 6 hours a month through the Diana nurses, she uses this to do activities like swimming with her other child

stuck we don't meet the local.threshold for respite.

@rainbowbash - our old school, shite as they were for ds1 and his needs, did the referrals for dd1 for young carers. The headteacher was concerned for dd1 as she was 'too good' in school, even going so far as to say she was worried about her until the day she gave her best friend a Chinese burn! Then when we moved I got in touch with the main group who said she was welcome to attend the re-opening one near our new address.

Just because a child is coping on the outside doesn't mean there isn't a whole host of things going on inside that they don't feel they can discuss with their parents. Even now dd1 struggles to talk with her peers as they just don't understand what home can be like. Maybe the service is just undersubscribed in our area. Although I suspect not given how popular the school holiday activities are.

You said DC1 is "severely disabled",
So you must meet some criteria.
Ask for 're assessment as dc 1 must be ehat nine or 10 now? and for carers assessment and emphasise dc2 needs.
Also look into local activities for dc1 I don't know where you are but many areas have schemes on weekends like KEEN which will tske sverely disabled for couple hours. In London we also have scheme where mefical students volunteer. These schemes were lifeline when mine were younger (disabled ds1 and two younger dds)

At least for ss short breaks dc1 shoukd meet criteria
Plus dome schemes don't need ss referral e.g. KEEN in London and oxford

We have a disabled child and our local pool does special swimming sessions for the whole family - dirt cheap and plenty of friendly people around to help out if the disabled child needs your attention.

Things like services for young carers etc vary so enormously from place to place you would do better asking on a local Facebook page for parents with a child with disabilities.

Obviously I'm not sure what your full circumstances are so this may not apply but families with a severely disabled child who are also working - even a small amount are one of the few groups of people who can be significantly better off on Universal Credit than tax credits - if you are not already switched over it might be worth getting a calculation done to see how you would fair.

Ditch the swimming lessons, especially if she can swim across the pool on her own, which she should be able to do by now if she is 8 and has had more than a year of lessons. Maybe take her swimming yourself from time to time to keep her skills up? I think kids only need enough swimming proficiency to have fun and be safe playing in a pool where they can't stand. Anything beyond that is only if they really enjoy it.

It's so difficult to keep girls active as they get older. If she loves the Tae Kwondo I would sacrifice the sport she doesn't love to keep her doing the one she does. Self-defense is also an important life skill, especially for a future woman!

Talk to your local council Children and Young Peoples Services who have a legal duty to provide a shorts break budget to be spent on clubs or equipment to enable disabled children to join in with everyday activities. I’m shocked your child’s SENCO, school or special needs officer has never mentioned this.