AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

Id be ditching whatever she is not as keen on and keep on the one she is. I remember been made to do music lessons and swimming as a child same issue arrised I was also part of a gymnastics, Music lessons and swimming cost in total the same as my sports. Yet when running short of money my parent's cancelled the sports. Im now 37 and cant swim was never very good despite the lessons for years and I hate musical instruments full stop , the noise just grates on me. I always begrudge been stopped from doing my gymnastics, I was quite advanced in it and could have made championships at the time. Years later I ended up in a wheelchair and feel öike I missed out on the chance to ajow people qhat i could do back then, just cos my parents thought violin and piano and been able to swim were more important.

Please check if there are any grants available for activities for your DC2 as the sibling of a disabled child

I would ask her what one she wants to do? If she old enough to understand that money is short I’m sure she will make the wright decision of what activity she wants to do. Also I would speak to the teakwondo teacher and explain your situation and see if he can give you any discount.

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if I am repeating advice. Have you looked into funding from outside organisations. The Family fund had a grant scheme for children with disabled siblings, might be worth looking into

The 3 counties I have worked in would have absolutely accepted a child in your DC circumstances. Much better to try and offer support / opportunity to a child early than wait till they are in some form of crisis .

As a young carer ! Posted too soon

If she is 8 years old and can still only doggy paddle I would ditch swimming lessons as they dont seem to have got her to actually swim, especially if she hates it! I'd keep up the the taekwondo is you can afford it by cutting the swimming. It's a good discipline.

rainbowbash sorry if this has already been said I haven't read every page.
If you go onto entitledto.co.uk they have a section on grants. There may be a charity linked to her disability, your work, a girls group etc who would be willing to pay for her clubs for a bit. I hope you manage to sort it out.

There is a lovely charity called 52 lives and each week they help someone who just needs a little kindness, they might be able to help with the lessons and even a bit of respite for you

I’ve re read this. Your council is breaking the law by not providing your child with a shorts break service. I recommend you contact Contact (used to be Contact a Family) for advice and also Turn To Us who can supply details of charities to help different categories of people, not just children or the disabled .

Sounds mean to me. I’d cut something else

I'd have thought the taekwondo more useful actually than the swimming
unless you live near some dangerous water.I'd think she's more likely to be attacked, these days, than drown! At least with the taekwondo she'd have a better chance at defending herself if such a horrible thing did happen.

It's great that your 8 year old does a physical activity that she enjoys. If it's possible, I'd keep that going. She can come back to swimming later when things might be easier. Good luck with your decision.

Apologies if repeating, but firstly just wanted to respond that with all on your plate I am awe struck that you manage to get non- disabled DC out to all these activities anyway, juggling care for severely disabled child and low income work is tough 💐💐. Please don’t make her give up tar kwando though - as it is something specifically enjoyable to your dc. Having worked in schools can totally promise you that “ in only one term” so long as now got basics, the swimming will absolutely not be an issue. Please try both the club itself, your dc’s school ( who may have young carers club or be able to access grants) and social services. At a wild card, if it doesn’t go against your principles/ beliefs, also speak to local minister/ priest/ vicar/ youth groups who may also have funding pots/ access to additional low cost activities. Good luck , your dc is lucky to have you as a caring mom!

I am stunned that you have a severely disabled child and unable to get repute help or care for them. You should be able to get some sort of assistance!

I am in Tae Kwon Do with my son. I love it! It has been fantastic for my memory, my self esteem and my physical fitness. It can get really expensive with testing, different “weapons” to purchase and more. I would speak to the owner and/or main instructor and advise them of your situation. They may have a grant set up or be able to work with you.

My Dd stopped swimming when she could only do a few metres. She came on massively with the school lessons. Peer pressure I think. Then seems to have taught herself a bit. She's not as strong as I'd like but she's still improving. Easily does 25 metres.

Have you spoken to DC2's school about Sports Premium funding or Pupil Premium - they may be able to pay for her club(s) - even though it's not within school- through either of these premiums?
Sports Premium especially can be hard for schools to spend (ironic I know, considering the funding cuts) as there are so many restrictions on what it can be spent on. I would approach your bursar/business manager- whatever they are called at your school and see if there is a possibility.

Re carers allowance, do you know that the threshold for earnings of £123 per week is AFTER deductions of childcare, tax, NI and expenses?
Would this make a difference?

Please try this organisation they helped my daughter who has a disabled child , with help on benefits and all sorts.
contact.org.uk/.
She also get respite care but you need to have a social worker for that. They are not all about judging you.

Have you looked into short breaks grants in your area? As far as I know you don't need a careers assessment to access them.

Ask you daughter to choose - swimming, music or taekwondo. I car’nt swim and I’m 63, so it hasn’t harmed me!

Have you spoken with the tae kwon do people about your situation? If it feels ok to do so they may be happy to offer the lessons at a reduced rate?

*carers

@rainbowbash

Sort if you already know this but any pension or child care costs can be deducted from earning if that brings down your income enough to claim carers

I know ss are useless. My ds has asd and high functioning. But because we get dla low rate for him it gave me access to play schemes and a buddy system the council offer. Also locally rose road association offer few hours support for respite. I'm sure you have looked into all your options but might be worth having a chat with your carers support group locally in case they know of something niche