AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

When will she urgently need to swim in the next year? You are not going on holidays if you are skint so just keep away from canals for a few months if you are really worried.

She loves one and hates the other. She can learn to swim in a year or two when your finances improve

I don't think swimming is essential. I could live the rest of my life and never need to swim.

I would let her continue with the taekwondo. I’m fully behind learning swimming having grown up in Australia and NZ, and we weren’t allowed to progress to middle school unless we could get our gold swimming badge. My schools all had their own pools, which shows the difference between there and here. She can pick up lessons in the future but the taekwondo is good for her, and as much as she’s been supportive in the past, it’s good for her to have something for her alone. You’re a good mum, and you’re doing your best.
Please do look into the suggestions from the earlier posters. I know it’s hard to swallow your pride, but I’d hope there is help for you. I’ve certainly covered things for my nieces and nephews when things have been tight for their parents. I thankfully have the option of skipping my coffee shop run, but I recognise you probably don’t and more than likely have already cut everything to the minimum.

Well yes, a kid doing kayaking or sailing will have a life jacket but often to participate you must sign a form saying that they can swim 50m, shorthand for certain level of water confidence I suppose.

Why so anti swimming Bert?

Also if you fall into water fully clothed by accident you are unlikely to be wearing a life jacket.

With regards to having careers assessment refused if you go into the "contact" website they have a model letter to send SS to outline by law they must carry out an assessment for a child with a disability.

I know it's exhausting but it's worth it in the end.

And I don’t think any of mine can do butterfly but they can all swim competently and they’ve done a bit of lifesaving. DD saved an elderly holidaymaker in Greece when she was a daft 18 year old because she had learned how to do so safely without putting herself in danger.

Tinkly my ds can do butterfly but not breaststroke 🤷‍♀️ - but I'm sure the latter would be more useful

“Also if you fall into water fully clothed by accident you are unlikely to be wearing a life jacket.”

Being able to swim 50m in a warm pool isn’t likely to help you much either if you fall fully clothed into deep cold water......

Swimming is essential, but a doggy paddle is sufficient.

A decent swim school will provide water safety techniques. Kids can learn this stuff from toddler age upwards.

I don’t really want to get in to an argument about it TBH. If you don’t think being able to swim is a life skill then fair enough.

“Why so anti swimming Bert?”

I’m no anti swimming-we’re a water based family. I am anti the “swimming is a vital life skill” mantra that pours megabucks into the coffers of swimming schools and means thousands of toddlers spend unhappy hours not learning to swim. I am also very wary of the sense of false security swimming lessons give parents and children about water safety.

Can’t you just take dcswimming rather than pay for lessons? And keep the taekwondo

The OP has said she can’t take her swimming- there is another child with complex needs.

I totally agree that toddler swimming lessons are a waste of time. Much better a couple of Sunday mornings a month being thrown around a pool by your mum or dad, getting lots of water confidence. In our experience learning to swim is quick and painless after that.

Having just re- read my last post, I missed out the vital part of the contributions being instead of birthday / Christmas presents when family have asked what the children would like. They got to continue their clubs which was much more beneficial to them than another toy.

I think this swimming is essential think is a bit daft. Its not I've had 2 friends drowned within the last 5 years. Its very important, you have no chance if you fall into a deep pond, river etc if you cant swim

Dunno if you missed the post OP has already updated that she gave DC2 the choice and they picked Taekwondo.

So perhaps it might be more relevant to start a separate thread about the usefulness or not of swimming lessons?

OP, you can still claim carer's allowance even if you earn over the threshold. The only thing is that you are taxed on it, so you won't receive the full whack.

Every little helps. Please claim it, it might add up to help pay for the TQD classes and a little left over for a spot of babysitting / specialist care now and again - maybe you and DD2 could go swimming together or have an afternoon out once in a blue moon?

GetOffTheRoof that's incorrect. You are not eligible if your earnings exceed £123 a week.

Sack off the swimming lessons and let the poor kid do what she enjoys.

Also, I know everyone means well but people saying cut any none essential spending, or save £1 a week seem totally unaware what life can be like for people/families with low incomes and/or children with disabilities.

I agree swimming ability is indeed important and ideal if you can afford it but for many many people this simply isn't possible. A vast amount of people cannot afford lessons or even the price of admission (over £10 for our local pool) to teach them themselves (plus childcare issues for DC with SN). Huge amounts of families have budgets so strict that people saying well just save £30 a month, or don't get takeaway coffees do not have a fucking clue.

Carers allowance (if you are eligible - and any employment over 15 hours a week rules you out, despite the fact you're still clearly carrying out the caring ) is £66.15 a week. You have to be caring for over 35 hours a week.

So Carers allowance works out at £1.89 am hour. £1.89. And if you're working over 15 hours a week you don't even get that £1.89 an hour in recognition of the fact you're fucking trying your best to work and care.

So, yes OP might have to expend a huge amount of time and effort and stress fighting for her LA to fund respite care (does anyone think that would be paid at £1.89 an hour btw).

The lack of fucks given by the government, for families with disabilities is fucking shocking, especially with DLA-PIP and TC-UC changes.

That is what is shocking and upsetting on this thread, not being able to swim, or whether it's necessary or not. It's amazing how many MNers can't see the bigger picture here - OPs DC having to give up something they love (and would be of benefit to them) simply because they have a disabled sibling which impacts the family budget so much. The stress OP is under and how difficult the struggles are, and how little help there is. The government is failing these children and their families and it's shameful.

That was a rant but it's infuriating "I cannot afford xyz, I've had a pay cut, I have DC with SN, I can't work any more hours and have no support"

"Have you thought of saving £30 a month?"

Great that you've given her the choice!

Do you have a Young Carer's support group in your area? Some groups run activities for young carers (children who have some with additional needs in the family, so often don't get a lot of extra curriculum activities due to that), your DD would likely be eligible if they do.

carers.org/about-us/about-young-carers

we have and I have been in contact. But its for siblings who are 'not coping'. so far, DC2 is coping fine and not eligible for support. tbh, there are families who are in much more dire need than we are. It's tough for us but we are so used to it and have overall adjusted really well and DC2 is a happy and healthy child who does access activities (with limitations).