AIBU to not let me child continue this hobby?

[rainbowbash]

DC2 is 8 and has been doing taekwondo for 2 years. likes it and is good at it. it's their only out of school activity apart from swimming lessons.

I had a change in circumstances financially (pay cut but that is a whole other thread) and it would really be a massive stretch to keep up the payments (£30 per month).

DC2 learns an instrument (guitar) at school and spends a lot of time playing/practising it at home, does swimming lessons privately(though hates it but I think it's essential. They will only go for 1 term with school in year 4 so unlikely to learn it through school).

Would it really be mean to cancel her taekwondo in these circumstances? Two (well off) friends accused me of being rather cruel. I told DC2 about my plans we had a few tears about it but she is pretty understanding of our limitations. but my friends made me really think.

And looking around my friends all DC seem to be able to do so much outside school (various sports, cheerleading, music lessons, scouts etc). I feel dreadful that I cannot facilitate this.
Not to drip feed - DC1 is severely disabled, I work but only very limited hours and due to DC1's needs it is pretty impossible to change or increase my hours as I have zero access to childcare. So the change work/do more hours responses won't help.

Ditch the well off "friends"
I'm sorry you are in this position it sounds really hard.
If it helps they are not essential but your child seems really upset about tae kwando so id drop swimming.

My brother taught me to thread water (save you from drownig) at the local pool in one session, and my friends taught me to swim as teenager. So I've never been to a single formal lesson but I can do the breaststroke and front crawl better than some who did.

You can pick up alot of things fast when older (when you follow instructions quickly) and I didn't feel my parents were obliged to send me. I totally understood money was tight as child.

How about speaking to her Doctor? My Local Health Authority pays for gym/swimming memberships if her Doctors feel that is beneficial to her health (mental health included) then there will probably be a scheme that provides the swimming free of charge.

Chocolate that doesn't make swimming not a key life skill in the U.K. though.

You should consider getting legal advice from specialist social care lawyers such as Irwin Mitchell or Simpson Millar. You may well be able to get legal aid for the purpose in your child's name.

Don't stop Taekwondo. It has so many positive benefits

I find it really strange with my friends that swimming lessons seem to be this essential thing you have to pay for. If you can swim just teach your child. If you are not sure what to do go to the pool at the same time the lessons are going on and copy them, that's what I did. Appreciate it might be hard if you of you have another child with needs but if you have a friend taking kids swimming maybe you can go together. My son has special needs, he'd love to do activities but I can't afford it/ find activities that are appropriate. His father doesn't any maintenance (another story!). Guitar, swimming and taekwondo your child is very lucky and seems mature and caring enough to realise you have to cut your cloth differently for now. Ignore these so called friends with their hurtful comments. As others have said focus on what she loves doing.

You said earlier that things are a bit crap for dc2 just now. Let her keep doing the thing she loves. She can swim 25m so she's not going to drown. Unless she's planning to be an Olympic swimmer that will be fine.

Swimming being essential and bottled water are the two greatest triumphs of the last few years.

Good choice OP.

But also , please, please look into all the sources of assistance other posters are suggesting. Don’t let your misplaced shame/ pride stand in the way of your daughters respite from the situation at home.

I ran a youth group and I was specifically told by the regional manager that I was to watch out for children dropping out due to the financial situation in the home. We would cover membership fees / equipment costs and one off stuff (eg competition expenses) if it meant a child was able to keep doing something they loved. And it wasn’t necessarily to be used for the most able or gifted, we looked for the ones who enjoyed it, or needed a break from tough family circumstances.

Personally I'd class the Taekwondo as much as an essential life skill as the swimming. Whilst it would be great to do both from a life skills point of view I'd pick up the martial art every day of the week because much as I hate that its true, particularly as a girl she's statistically more likely to be assaulted than to fall into water.

Plus, plus loves it!

So are you in a position to be able to keep up the TKD financially if she drops the swimming? That sounds like the best option tbh. I would say it’s mean on your friend to say you’re being cruel for cancelling TKD due to money reasons but if there’s a way around it to keep everyone happy then win win.

Fwiw my dd wanted t do gymnastics club. It was about £90 a term and she already did a paid for sports club and music lessons every week an holiday swimming classes. We could pay for it but it felt like to spend just like that so we said she could do it if she wanted to but the cost of the lessons would be a birthday present as we couldn’t just pay for them on top of the other stuff. She respected that she couldn’t just have every paid activity she wanted and decided to do the classes in place of one of her presents.

PLEASE speak to organisers at taekwondo. Ask if you can drop to Maybe 2/3 of normal fees for a while. Instructors would far rather do this than lose an enthusiastic student. Lots of clubs also have access to support for exactly the type of situation you find yourself in. It’s not embarrassing charity, it’s just pragmatic community support at grass roots. You wouldn’t think twice of doing this if the situation were reversed and you were running such a course.

Ditch the swimming!

Honestly, lots of events have bursary finds for exactly this sort of situation, they might even be able to access funds to reduce the cost of gradings and any additional equipment. Please, please do have a quiet chat, or send an email. You don't have to be asking for it free, but a little reduction might really help you. I'm sure the club would prefer a contribution rather than your child dropping out.

The event I organise has exactly that, we would much rather the children were there than have finances get in the way. We even can access funds to reduce the costs for our adult helpers too.

My DH teaches kids a martial art and he seconds the poster above saying speak to the club.
Your daughter sounds like a valued member of the club and it would be a shame for everyone involved to just pull her out.

Plan is to maybe switch back to taekwondo in a years time if swimming is solid-ish

No, no - worst of all worlds!

It's an absolute life skill and one she will be too embarrassed to go back and take lessons for later in life

Utter crap. There are thousands of children who’s families can’t afford to take up swimming lessons. There are adults everywhere who never learned to swim and adult classes in every leisure centre. This “absolute life skill” stuff is rubbish. Beyond being able to save myself if I were drowning, I can’t really swim much. I learned at school and can do a passable crawl if I need to. I can still take DD swimming, but you won’t find me thundering down the pool drowning everyone in a 5m radius. It hasn’t hampered me in life, my 25m Scottish swimmers badge isn’t on my CV.

Come on, learning to swim in no way equates to using bottled water. My kids have accessed so much fun over the years by being strong confident swimmers.

And even now they are young adults my two very unsporty daughters swim twice a week for exercise.

I agree the whole having your kids in weekly lessons from being toddlers is a bit of a scam. (We taught ours basic water confidence and dog paddle ourselves just from regularly going to the pool, and they then learned strokes in a very short course of formal lessons and at school). But being a good swimmer is definitely a positive.

“But being a good swimmer is definitely a positive.”

Of course it is. So is being good at skateboarding, tennis and playing the guitar.

But this idea of swimming as an absolutely vital life skill for children who never go near water is just bonkers. And people accept to and fork out mega bucks as if it’s holy writ.

Children do go near water though. Holidays, school outward bound trips, parties, scout trips. All situations where being the kid who can’t swim is not nice. Not saying you have to fork out megabucks for it either if you can invest your time instead.

Doggy paddle is not safe or competent swimming?! I would wait until she can do 50m in at least one proper stroke. Especially for things like swimming parties or water activities they need to be able to swim 50m and have good water safety. It’s such a worry that people think a child being able to do doggy paddle means they can swim. In open water they are likely to drown without proper technique

“In open water they are likely to drown without proper technique”
Yep. Fly is a positive life saver! What are they doing in open water without a life jacket anyway? Particularly 50 meters from land?

www.sta.co.uk/news/2018/05/21/are-uk-children-exiting-swimming-lessons-too-early/

Hi OP

Not rtft but have read your updates. I totally understand you dont want to ask for freebies from the lessons. I was just wondering if you could approach it in a slightly different way- say money is too tight to pay for weekly lessons. And ask if there is anything you can do such as share the space with another parent and go every 2 weeks. Or your daughter goes early and stays late and helps set up / put away for a reduced fee or something. It wont be the first time they've been asked

Having reread your first post OP I would keep her in the activity she enjoys the most for now but try and restart swimming lessons as soon as you can. If she’s not made any progress you may need to consider a better swimming teacher.