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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 29/04/2019 10:24

ShatnersWig you know you could just not comment if you think the post is bullshit.
We don’t need you as MN police thanks.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 10:54

I think the point was made to shatnerswig, a pile on just derails the thread, she gets the message I'm sure.

And I know many people have said the same thing repeatedly to the op, but that's how threads work on mumsnet, people post their opinions in relation to thr op and you either get unanimous one way or another, or split in some way and a discussion ensues.

This one to be fair is pretty much unanimous, but it does seem the op is not willing to accept her behaviour was odd. And yes there is clearly issues there that the op doesn't wish to reveal, which is her right.

I think the reason it's going on is because it is fascinating in its oddness. If people don't like the fact it's going on, they do not have to continue to read the thread. They can hide it or ignore it. But coming on to simply complain it's going on isn't really useful or good etiquette.

Singlenotsingle · 29/04/2019 11:09

I, for one, just cannot get my head round the fact that the OP isn't able to accept that her behaviour is not normal, and is causing, or will cause, problems for her family. In her opinion, everyone else is wrong and she is right. Hence, sadly we are all banging our heads against a brick wall.

AryaStarkWolf · 29/04/2019 11:19

Haven't RTFT but why didn't you just say sorry I'm busy right now instead of what you did do? How odd

JessieMcJessie · 29/04/2019 11:29

She had enough self-awareness to ask the question. I’m sure the responses have made her think. The problem with ALL Mumsnet threads is that an OP is rarely going to come back in and say “you’re all right, I am totally weird and unreasonable and will from this moment on be living my life exactly as you have all prescribed”. It doesn’t work like that. On this forum you do have to accept a bit that you will not get the closure of having someone come back and at “I was wrong and you are right. Thanks”. That doesn’t mean they don’t think it.

TapasForTwo · 29/04/2019 11:54

@gamerwidow it becomes more of an issue when they are older teens. See my points about DD’s boyfriend who now never wants to come home from university, even in the holidays. He feels he missed out when he was at high school because he was never allowed to have friends round. He realises that his parents were rather controlling.

PCohle · 29/04/2019 12:00

I agree with Jessie. Expecting someone to recognise that their long standing behaviour, which their family facilitate, is abnormal in the space of one day is asking a huge amount.

Perhaps in time the OP may reflect on some of the more helpful comments here. I expect that given some of the awful, cruel remarks directed her way she probably doesn't consider this a terribly supportive environment.

RiotAndAlarum · 29/04/2019 13:03

I hope this thread is deleted. I posted earlier in slightly light-hearted vein about the OP's keeping her questioners at arms' length, and how amusing it was that people were frustrated. However, the frustration is assuming lynch mob levels of intrusiveness. Armchair diagnosis, mental health shaming - ugh. Fuck off and leave the OP alone. She certainly doesn't want to give access to such pushy, entitled bastards!

Ninkaninus · 29/04/2019 13:10

The thing is, the OP shouldn’t actually have to say ‘I’m busy now’ or ‘I can’t right now’ or any number of the white lies people say in situations like this. The truth is that she doesn’t want to have this person over, ever, and outside of actually saying ‘I never want you to turn up at my house, I will never want to invite you in’ what else was she supposed to do? She had already told this woman that she does not like hosting visitors at home. If I were slightly more rigid in my thinking than I am (and I’m pretty rigid), I might have done something similar.

I agree, the lynching and bullying and nastiness on this thread is way out of line. Fuck off and leave her alone. You’re not actually trying to help her.

WeMarchOn · 29/04/2019 13:18

As stated previously as someone who is Autistic & Contamination OCD I still would never ever be so rude, I'm not one who enjoys a social life but if someone knocked for a cuppa I would never ever turn them away.
I echo what others say about seeking support.

DontVisitMe · 29/04/2019 13:52

Exactly, Ninkaninus. I'm in the same position. If I've told people not to come to my house, I expect that to be the end of it. The situation shouldn't have happened and the only rude person was the visitor.

MadamMMA · 29/04/2019 14:14

Isn’t sitting in your front garden terribly common Grin

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 14:14

God this is going round in circles. With the usual suspects giving it "fuck off everyone, I'm in charge" and thenothers misinterpreting what the op has said. Clearly she has never said to this woman never come to my house. Nor has she said she has. If she had said such a thing, obviously the responses would be different.

IvanaPee · 29/04/2019 15:26

It doesn’t even matter if OP wasn’t as explicit as some of you would like.

Fact is that woman could have walked away at any time and she didn’t. So if the OP is weird, the woman is no better!!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/04/2019 15:49

If the Woman was to walk away she would have been rude. Even though she was in an uncomfortable position she stayed as she didn't want to hurt ops feelings.

dollydaydream114 · 29/04/2019 15:54

Having a social phobia of some sort is OK.

Insisting that this social phobia is normal and fine and having no impact on anyone else is not OK.

Also, just saying 'I don't like people coming into my house because it disrupts my routine and I don't like small talk' doesn't make sense. Having them sitting on your drive disrupted your routine, and you still had to make small talk with them, so that's not the real issue here.

You clearly have a fairly serious mental block that hinges specifically upon people entering your actual house, which goes far beyond just 'not liking small talk'. That isn't your fault, but it is something you need to resolve before it affects your children, and you do need to accept that your behaviour is going to seem extremely rude and strange to other people. Right now you're seriously in denial.

You also clearly struggle with general self-awareness and social cues, as your 'I once gave this woman 60p' comment reveals. Again, that's nothing to be ashamed of, but you do need to accept that this means it not always someone else's fault if they don't understand where you're coming from.

MsTSwift · 29/04/2019 16:00

We have tutors etc that come to the house. We have a lovely language lady here with dd2 and 5 other kids whose parents will all come to collect them. I guess this would be ops worst nightmare. I think you and your family will miss out on stuff

youknowmedontyou · 29/04/2019 16:17

I hope this thread is deleted. I posted earlier in slightly light-hearted vein about the OP's keeping her questioners at arms' length, and how amusing it was that people were frustrated. However, the frustration is assuming lynch mob levels of intrusiveness. Armchair diagnosis, mental health shaming - ugh. Fuck off and leave the OP alone. She certainly doesn't want to give access to such pushy, entitled bastards!

Might be best that OP and yourself keep away from AIBU.

I see no reason for the post to be deleted.

MarthasGinYard · 29/04/2019 16:54

Why on earth should this thread be DeletedConfused

BertrandRussell · 29/04/2019 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BertrandRussell · 29/04/2019 17:09

Blimey- that was a very odd deletion! All I was thinking about was the OP’s privacy!

BertrandRussell · 29/04/2019 17:10

Can whoever reported explain, please?

Tunnockswafer · 29/04/2019 17:13

Bertrand what a scandalous attack on the OP!!!
(Kidding, can’t think why that was deleted!)

MrMeSeeks · 29/04/2019 17:13

Why on earth should this thread be Deleted

Because people have gone over the line and are posting op’s posting history ?
I completely disagree with op but some of the posts are disgusting and not needed.

youknowmedontyou · 29/04/2019 17:19

Because people have gone over the line and are posting op’s posting history ?

But that's there for anyone to access, I'm not saying I'd have mentioned it but it can be viewed by anyone.