Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

WIBU to make them sit outside?

808 replies

FissionChips · 28/04/2019 00:11

DH thinks I was.

A couple of weeks ago a parent from the school run turned up unannounced at my door saying she thought our children might like to play and that she fancied a catch-up.
I made them stay outside on the driveway (back garden unusable atm) and brought toys for the children to play with and chairs for us to it on, outside.

DH brought it up tonight, he saw her whilst shopping and she mentioned she felt a bit down after being here.

My argument is that I have told her before that I don’t appreciate visitors and will rarely invite them inside. I provided a drink for her and brought out blankets when the temperature cooled.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Nomorepies · 28/04/2019 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PenelopeFlintstone · 29/04/2019 00:04

Ok it’s descending into bullying on here again.....
I agree.
To everybody who feels sorry for the OP's family: don't you feel sorry for her too? Obviously it's very unusual behaviour but people don't do this without some reason.
I think the den will work if it's big enough but get it done sooner rather than later.
Good luck OP.

YemenRoadYemen · 29/04/2019 00:07

I haven’t directly insulted the OP or called her batshit crazy as others have done

No, you just said you looked forward to day you read about her dying alone, and her corpse being discovered a long time later.

You do realise that’s seriously weird, right? Just gauging, of course.

chocolatefondantcake · 29/04/2019 00:28

Op you can live your life however you like. Subjecting your dh and child to your antisocial behaviour is the fucked up part. I can bet your kid will feel 'out of sorts' when they grow up and reflect on their childhood. The way you're behaving is unbelievably selfish and honestly quite damaging to those that have to live with you.

MrMeSeeks · 29/04/2019 00:35

Im sorry but what you did ro this person was awful.
I don't like visitors but i still have manners to be polite and friendly.
How do you except your child to have any outside playdates if you pull stunts like this?
I’d avoid someone who did this to me.

MrMeSeeks · 29/04/2019 00:38

How does your husband feel about not being allowed visitors? That isn’t very fair.
It won’t be very fair on your child in the future either.
They will want to have friends staying over!
Nearly every comment has disagreed with what you’ve done, do you still think its ok, or is this something you can look at?

Cruelstepmother · 29/04/2019 01:20

This may be partly a social issue rather than a mental health one. When our kids were young we lived in a predominantly working class area. Without exception, the middle-class mums invited their kids' friends in to play at home and the working-class mums were perfectly friendly but didn't allow friends in to play. Probably why our house was a tip and theirs were lovely and tidy!

I'd be interested to know whether OP's parents welcomed visitors and how OP felt about visitors when she was a child?

Pickleandparty · 29/04/2019 01:26

This is so odd and such bizarre behaviour but the comments are killing me Grin
But seriously It takes me back to when I was very young and a friend's mum was just like you. We was never allowed in and had to stand at the door and play on front.. it us to actually hurt me as a child as even being at a young age i knew that this behaviour was just not normal and she made me and other kids feel like some sort of strange outdoor creatures. in the end alot of us kids refused the friend round ours because we wasn't allowed in there home becuz we felt like there was something wrong with us or that she was better than us ( looking back I feel awful now as it wasn't the poor girls fault but her own selfish odd mother). She was always topic of the school playground amongst other mum's and parents, she even had a nickname think it was norotic Nancy other something like that. So my point being that your odd bizarre behaviour will impact on your DC life, even if you do have some sort of youth den attached to your house or (some sort of shed on your drive away, on the right side of the bins).

As for how you treated you're "friend" that's next level degrading.. You should think yourself lucky people come out there way to visit (announced or not). I would love to of been a neighbour and seen this whole scene, I bet your talk of the street on a regular basis especially if you think this is normal and can bet 100% there's plenty more stories that you have that we would all think is utterly bizarre...

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 29/04/2019 03:37

The longer this thread goes on the more bizarre it becomes.

Waiting more space for your teen to live in is ok. Wanting more space because you live in paralyzing fear that you encounter them otherwise is not.

blubblubblub · 29/04/2019 04:28

This is gold. Mumsnet really is the gift that keeps on giving 🤣

DistanceCall · 29/04/2019 04:51

Why wouldn’t a teenager like to have a bigger space to socialise in?

Because teenagers would prefer to have a mother who would actually be normal and meet their friends and talk to them, not buy a house specifically so they can socialise separately, as if it were a leper colony!

I'm not going to go the way of the bridge, but you are sounding more unhinged with every post.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 05:52

Op, how are you this morning.

I think you likely understand that it doesn't make sense you don't like entertaining In your home, but are happy to do so on your driveway.

As this woman did not try to use your toilet, she clearly wasn't trying to get into your house, I believe she actually is a friend. She also didn't quite grasp the severity of your issues and likely dropped round on impulse and not given it thought.

There is nothing wrong with refusing to see her, hence why many people have asked why you didn't do that. It's the entertaining on the driveway that's the issue.

I do suspect their is another issue. Is your house run down or shabby? Are you ashamed of it? Is it cluttered, do you hoard? You say it's neither dirty or pristine, so there is something else at play here.

Because you're clearly happy to entertain, make small talk, you're clearly happy to disrupt your routine, you went to a lot of effort, chairs, toys, drinks, blankets. The question is why you wouldn't allow her in your house, or back garden. I'm assuming thr back garden is because she can see into the house?

Beanzy78 · 29/04/2019 06:11

How did she know your address?

Durgasarrow · 29/04/2019 06:33

Honestly, I think it's okay. The kids were probably having fun playing in the front yard, and the point is that the parents have to watch the kids anyway--it isn't really a social visit for the mothers, it's a social visit for the kids. And it's healthier for kids to play outside.

Ribrabrob · 29/04/2019 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

gamerwidow · 29/04/2019 07:22

Bluntness100
She wasn’t ‘happy’ to entertain someone on the driveway. She did it because she was trying to find a compromise between sending the woman away and letting the woman come in her house.
She didn’t want to say ‘no I don’t want visitors in my house’ because as others have said it would be rude and she didn’t want her in her house so outside is the middle ground.
If she had said ‘oh I’m just going out now’ that would have given the impression that it would be ok for the woman to come round another time and it isn’t ok.

Feelsdeadpeople · 29/04/2019 07:38

Tbh I think the OP’s behaviour is less weird than the visitor’s. I’d never go to someone’s house if they had made it clear they didn’t like visitors. Why was she being so pushy? Why bring it up with the husband afterwards?

Anothertempusername · 29/04/2019 08:02

OP I think you will seriously regret pushing your very limiting and unusual boundaries on your children one day. They will not thank you for it at all.

Your funeral.

Nonnymum · 29/04/2019 08:26

funnylittefloozy I was wondering if maybe the husband asked the friend to come round. Perhaps he saw her as a friend, is worried about his wife and thought it worth trying. And that's why they spoke about it afterwards with her, and why she agreed to chat on the drive. If so it seems to have backfired

JessieMcJessie · 29/04/2019 08:36

FeelsDeadPeople
I wonder how clear OP really did make it though? We don’t know what was actually said, the exact words used. It’s so unusual to have a complete ban on all visitors that the other woman may not have picked up the hint and thought that OP was joking, or maybe that she was being self-deprecating about the state of her house. I think that this issue occupies much more space in OP’s mind than it does in the minds of those she talks to at the school gate, who will generally assume we all have more or less similar attitudes to visitors. Other woman probably just expected to be politely turned away if the timing was not right.

Bookworm4 · 29/04/2019 08:39

I think this will be the hot topic at the school today, OP is alienating everyone but her DH and DC, it's a lonely life you're making for your DC, the play date invites will start to dry up as other mums will think you are rude and weird. I feel sorry for your child.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2019 08:40

Tbh I think the OP’s behaviour is less weird than the visitor’s

You genuinely think it's more weird to pop into a friends for coffee, than it is to sit on your driveway entertaining them? Seriously?

Clearly the friend didn't pick up on the extent of the ops issues and likely came round on a whim. At worst it was a bit thoughtless.

I'm genuinely surprised you think that's more weird than bringing your kitchen chairs out and sitting under blankets in your driveway

The friend won't come round again. I think she very likely understood the extent of the ops issues this time.

gamerwidow · 29/04/2019 08:56

I think people are over stating the impact on DC of not having friends round to visit. If the OP is facilitating other opportunities for her DC to see friends (which she is) it’s a bit of a non issue.
I’ve had my DDs friend round to mine for sleepovers and play dates but she hasn’t been to her friends house ever. Instead her mum has taken DD swimming or to the cinema or bowling. It’s not a problem.

gamerwidow · 29/04/2019 08:58

Ps her mum is polite to me but we are not going to be friends and that’s ok. In contrast I can’t get DDs other friends mum out of my house when she visits because she loves a chat. There is room for both types of people.

IvanaPee · 29/04/2019 09:02

I doubt it.

She was told repeatedly not to call.

She didn’t leave when it was clear she wasn’t wanted.

She stayed long enough to need blanket when she got cold.

If OP is odd then this woman is equally so.