To wonder what happens when your boyfriend asks your father for your hand...

[PumpkinLatteMyArse]

And then he says no?

Do adults just not get married then?

Why are you asking?

It’s not my dad’s decision, it’s mine.

You decide your boyfriend has some weirdly patriarchal notions and refuse to marry him

Maybe you realise it's not 1852 and crack on like the autonomous human beings that you are?

Boyfriends who ask fathers for permission to marry get dumped by the daughter for being raging sexists.

Why would he even ask?

yes I'm baffled - it's not 'dads' decision it's the adult female being asked

Usually you get married anyway - unlikely any father would say no in most cultures if you’re already seeing each other.

Well, I assume the boyfriend has to get back on his horse and find another young woman with upwards of £500 a year, otherwise he might have to join the militia.

Or, as it isn’t actually 1830, you could just get married anyway.

I'd not marry anyone who 'asked for my hand'.

The fact that I asked the question implies it isnt a thing I did. Im asking people who actually did it what they would have done.

So a thread of sarcastic posts won't be very interesting.

Usually dad's say yes if they know you're together anyway. Has this happened to you op?

If they say no then you'd just get married anyway without your father's blessing.

The boyfriend has to offer 5 more sheep and 2 more cows.
They are haggling.

I'd not marry anyone who 'asked for my hand'

Me neither. I'm not a possession to be given away.

It’s a moot point as you’d have already dumped him for doing that.

Has this happened to you op?

No, or I would probably have an opinion on it one way or another and not been asking a question out of curiosity.

We would still get married in this day and age I think. It's the traditional thing to ask and I personally have no objections to my oh asking my dad... I don't see why anyone would end a relationship just because their oh asked premission as pps have suggested?

Another poster elsewhere on MN mentioned it and I was just curious what happens if the dad says no.

Do they just not get married?

Do they get married anyway and it is was only done because of tradition (and if so, what's the point?)

Does it even happen nowadays?

I got engaged in 1994, and even back then, my dad would've laughed if my boyfriend had asked for 'my hand'. Plus, I would've dumped him.

My DH asked my dad about 2 weeks before he asked me. He said he knew he wouldn’t say no so he didn’t worry about it.

I'm a traveler and all the girls have to asked for. If the father doesn't give his blessing then the girls runs away with the boy. They either get married quietly or live together out of wedlock.

Aimily Wouldn't it cause issues if he happened to say no, that could have been avoided if the question wasn't asked at all though?

It’s not so much that they’re asking for permission as such, more for their blessing. My DH did this and why not. It’s just respectful. Of course my DF wouldn’t have said no, but he would have expected to be informed before the proposal.

I do know someone who this happened to. The dad said no because the daughter's boyfriend didn't have a job so couldn't 'support' his daughter (who had a wellpaid fulltime job herself ). So the boyfriend got a job and asked the dad again, dad said no because it was only a temp job and to ask again when he'd found something permanent. So the boyfriend thought 'screw this' and asked his girlfriend directly if she'd marry him, she said yes and they are now married with dcs.

So the whole thing is a bit of a joke really.

My dad was most put out that DH didn't ask for his permission. I'm glad DH didn't, as I wouldn't have wanted to marry a man who thought it was appropriate to do so. It was a ridiculous, outdated notion even back in the day when we got engaged 30 years ago.

I'm a traveler and all the girls have to asked for. If the father doesn't give his blessing then the girls runs away with the boy. They either get married quietly or live together out of wedlock.

That's interesting nannyplum. Would they be able to move back to the community eventually?