To wonder what happens when your boyfriend asks your father for your hand...

[PumpkinLatteMyArse]

And then he says no?

Do adults just not get married then?

My family managed to welcome DH perfectly well without any misogynistic permission-seeking.

I'd be asking why the father thought it was any of his business and why the boyfriend was such a sexist prick.

that's fine lol I read it back and it did sound a bit shitty.
No, I definitely jumped the gun.

This happens a lot before an Indian engagement (either love or arranged), and if the parent says no then it’s usually game over.

I wouldn't have got engaged if he had asked my dad and I walked down the aisle with my now husband. It really depends on each person and how they feel about it

Both my parents walked me down the aisle.
You are being a bit hypocritical to have done this whilst accusing people of being sexism for asking hand in marriage?

You are being a bit hypocritical to have done this whilst accusing people of being sexism for asking hand in marriage?

Not really. I made it clear they were accompanying me. Like they would to any big event.

You also missed the bit where the priest removed 'who gives this bride' at my request.

It really depends on each person and how they feel about it

100% this! To all those judgmental and nasty posters screaming sexism and making jokes, its about the couple and what they want. Im so annoyed with everything being offensive that we arent even allowed to like some traditions anymore. You might as well not get married as thats history is also sexist

This happens a lot before an Indian engagement (either love or arranged), and if the parent says no then it’s usually game over

Is there no negotiation, or do they just have to bugger off?

My DH asked my dad because we both knew it was important to my DF, and this was only a couple of years ago. Id say DF respects DH more for following for what he’d call the ‘proper’ order of things. It doesn’t make my DH sexist, we’re a very equal partnership.

Tbh though I imagine if either of us suspected that my dad would say no then he wouldn’t have asked. Better to go to your parents delighted that you’re engaged than very obviously go again their wishes.

DH asked his first FIL and was told no on the basis that none of his daughters were worth marrying. They got married anyway.

When we got engaged he asked me if he should have asked my dad. I told him it was my decision, not my dad’s.

You also missed the bit where the priest removed 'who gives this bride' at my request

Nope, didnt miss it. You also accused my views of being sexist when my dh spoke to my mother about marrying me. See, thatbwas also my choice you seem to have missed that

This happens a lot before an Indian engagement (either love or arranged), and if the parent says no then it’s usually game over

Thats really a massive stereotype thats hardly ever true.

I wouldn’t have married my husband anyway, if he’d asked my dad.

You also accused my views of being sexist when my dh spoke to my mother about marrying me. See, thatbwas also my choice you seem to have missed that

You asked him to discuss getting engaged with your mother?

Actually I did say what your dh was sexist.

You said it may be important to the girlfriend. I said that if asking permission from the father, is the girlfriends preference it's still sexist.

I asked you why that showed good family values.

Asking permission is sexist. That's not what your dh did, you said.

Oh and also if you didnt miss the bit about removing 'who gives this bride', you would understand my parents didnt give me awayn

*You asked him to discuss getting engaged with your mother?

Actually I did say what your dh was sexist. *
No, i didnt ask him at all. We had spoken about marriage and he has said he would like to discuss with my family before he proposed as a nice way of informing them. I agreed that i think its a nice idea. He then decides to speak with my mum as ive always had a weird relationship with my dad. So how exactly did that make my dh sexist?

Forgot to tag @Putthatlampshadeonyourhead

And if you read my post properly than you wouldnt be calling my dh sexist but you seem to already have your agenda

I asked you why that showed good family values.

I already explained that it showed he cares about my families thoughts but wanting to inform them (not ask, in case you misread). But i dont expect this is the type of thing youd understand

And if you read my post properly than you wouldnt be calling my dh sexist but you seem to already have your agenda

It was actually a typo.

I actually havent called your dh sexist.

You said he didnt ask permission. If you read my posts back I questioned you bit didnt call him sexist.

I called decision when you said some girlfriends would want, their boyfriend to ask for their fathers permission. That's still sexist.

I don't think it proves good family values though. I dont think it proves or disproved anything at all.

You say your dh wanted to discuss it with her and then it was your choice. But that's by the by, because he didnt ask permission.

I think it's odd. But did say talking about it was sexist.

But i dont expect this is the type of thing youd understand

I dont understand family values....that's a leap.

DH asked my dad, at my request, he said yes but made sure he gave his best lecture
I wanted DH to know what was expected of him as a husband, from the man who had raised me.
It's a level of respect that is often overlooked, fwiw DH also had to ask my mum (who was harder to persuade!) Not sexist or misogynistic at all feminism gone barmy
I also asked his DM for her blessing as it was really important for me to make sure she was happy with it, as a white woman getting married into a Pakistani family can be quite difficult and I didn't want to start our relationship on awkward terms.

My DH asked my siblings and parents if they would have any objection if he asked me to marry him. For me this was the most amazing thing he could have ever done. Initially my father was unhappy but as he got to know him he soon agreed to it and then we got engaged, my mother and siblings liked him and had no objections. I dont see this as a negative thing.

DH asked my dad, at my request, he said yes but made sure he gave his best lecture grin
I wanted DH to know what was expected of him as a husband, from the man who had raised me.

Why didn't you just tell him yourself?

DH asked DF for my hand in marriage (all very tongue in cheek) and DF said he could have it if he took the rest of me