To hate how I look now I'm older.

[bluewavysea]

I know it's ridiculous and probably quite shallow, but just lately I seem to have aged rapidly. I was horrified at my old looking face at the hairdressers earlier. I used to like the way I looked, was always told I was beautiful, now I feel invisibible. Anyone else mourn their lost looks?

I feel exactly the same, I can’t bear to look in the mirror. It may seem a bit shallow, but just makes me sad. I was considered attractive & now I hate to see myself....sorry if I have offended anyone x

Yes I totally relate. I am 53, a mother of an 8 year old and single. I am very insecure about my looks and I feel so guilty about the money I am spending on myself but I absolutely hate looking in the mirror and seeing lines and bags under my eyes, I actually get quite depressed.

Hair dressers have special ugly mirrors so you will spend more money with them in order to look better.

I think it's probably much worse if you were very good looking when you were young. If you've always just been average then it's much easier to age naturally and embrace it I think.

I think for me, having to rebuild my life again at 53, being single with an 8 year old, all contributes to my feelings of insecurity and my need to look as good as I can. When I was married I never really worried about my appearance and the lines and wrinkles. Now I am absolutely OTT about my appearance.

I struggle with this too. I am 42 and I used to imagine I would grow older gracefully but now I can see myself hurtling into middle age I freak out when I look in the mirror. I try and take good care of myself and make an effort with my make up, but every now and then at certain angles I look more and more like my Nan. My Nan has a lovely face, but it still freaks me out. It's the jowls - I KNEW they would be the first thing to hit, and they are. A few fine lines appearing. But I actually think that no matter how much you moisturise your facial shape changes anyway as you age. Unless you are Elizabeth Hurley and have time to slather moisturiser on 7 days a day (or so I read somewhere). And it is harder to shift the pounds without starving yourself as well. I wish I had understood about carbs when I was younger, I would have done it all differently. Also find it harder to know what to wear, and can't afford much new, so at what age will my old clothes that suited me before suddenly look stupid because I'm too old for them?? It's a minefield. I am definitely mourning my late twenties face, I turned a few heads back then. Now I'm more well kept, mature .... like a cheese....

I have to say I don't get threads like this, they've been annoying me for years! I understand that women are conditioned to be self-loathing and rate themselves mainly by their looks and age, but do you never question that? I saddens and angers me that older women who are at the peak of their powers voluntarily put themselves down because they look different than they did at 20! In some cultures older women command respect and are looked up to within their communities!

I'm 45 and I've aged too of course and especially put on weight, but I feel a lot more positive about my body and looks than I did when I was younger. It doesn't matter to me so much and if anything I feel more free from scrutiny and judgment over my appearance. I hated being obsessed with body image and constantly trying to keep my weight down - I think back with amazement now how I kept myself hungry and denied myself good food in order to stay slim!

And looking back to a few years ago when I was still slim and looked really good, I was actually no happier but the opposite! Looking like that made me a target for a lot of casual, but quite predatory male attention, which was really quite damaging and made me feel vulnerable! I don't think that is flattering, actually, and none of it was in any way considerate of me as a person or my life and circumstances as a woman, it was just men feeling entitled to chase an attractive woman by any means they saw fit to their own ends.

I've also noticed a lot of men find it really quite difficult to have a normal relationship, friendship or working relationship with attractive women, the inevitable always seems to happen and I usually felt somehow responsible for their reactions and often felt blamed for them too. I've noticed that many of these same men treated older women past the obvious reproductive age with much more respect and none of the giddy excitement and stupid games I often got.

I remember reading somewhere that Cara Delevingne said the reason she started dating women was that men were just trying to get her to bed as some sort of 'trophy', or something to that effect.

I feel really grateful for being much more 'together' as a person now and not being so easily led and taken advantage of by other people, and I feel much more able to enjoy all aspects of life when it's no longer dominated by being preoccupied with looks.

Something tells me I'm going to get slated for this...

At any age in my experience

I used to feel like this. I was very attractive pre DC but after I had them I just completely let myself go as my only focus was on them. By the time I was mid 40’s I was an utter wreck and looked like one too.

I decided to make the best of myself NOW, hit the gym big time, started HRT, treated myself to nice face creams, good food for health, lots of water and I feel pretty great, and very strong, as I’m approaching 50 later this year. I still look like an old bag in the mirror but I don’t feel like one so meh.

It doesn't matter to me so much and if anything I feel more free from scrutiny and judgment over my appearance

I absolutely agree with this. I haven't felt so "free" since I was a young child! We are judged on our looks I would say from late primary school onwards. Hair, face, weight, clothes. It goes on for years. Finally in my 50s I can just be. I spent years agonising over my appearance. Now I just don't care! I'm clean, I don't wear rags or soiled clothes. But anything above that I do if I feel like it, and if I don't, then I don't.

I have zero desire to get into the over 50's battle to still look good. With botox, working out, expensive skin cream or hair treatments. I'm perfectly happy being in my 50's and looking it! I was never particularly beautiful from the start, distinctly average. So there is only so much that treatments could do anyway. Yeah I'd look a bit better but to my mind it wouldn't be worth the time and money for what would really only be small improvements. Far better to just be happy in my own skin and enjoy life.