To hate how I look now I'm older.

[bluewavysea]

I know it's ridiculous and probably quite shallow, but just lately I seem to have aged rapidly. I was horrified at my old looking face at the hairdressers earlier. I used to like the way I looked, was always told I was beautiful, now I feel invisibible. Anyone else mourn their lost looks?

I was slim and pretty in my youth but now early 40s am neither. I struggled for a while from about age 36 but in the last year or so I have resolved not to care about my looks, and am getting there with my thinking gradually. How I look does not define me (it never did, but I realise I got benefits from the automatic privilege of good looks in the past).

I have a good career, fab kids and DH and a good life, good health - these are the things I choose to value, I refuse to worry about the rest.

'hush' even. But hopefully you managed to get the jist.

rufflecrow surely watching a film before forming an opinion about whether it’s worth watching, is better than not watching it and forming an opinion of whether it’s worth watching?

I just wanted to make the point that we are prone to focussing on our perceived flaws when we look at ourselves, we often don't see ourselves as a balanced whole like others do when looking at us.

Several mentioned looking at photos from the past and seeing they looked good - did you feel extremely beautiful at the time? If not, it's possible you will look at a photo of yourself now in a few years and think 'i looked quite nice, wish I hadn't wasted so much energy feeling ugly'.

And this comes from a dog who definitely feels like her day has well and truly been had, but am choosing to be optimistic/kind in my thoughts about myself.

Coincidentally this just popped up on my Facebook

I guess it's 'better' if you have infinite time at your disposal like the good ole face of quintilla Boe here. But for those of us who are mere mortals, excercising some discretion in what we spend our time on allows us to do other things.

I’m 40 and while I do feel sadness/occasional panic about aging I’ve found it’s best to take control as much as you can. I’ll never look like I did at 20, but my body is still strong and powerful. I’ve learned to do all sorts of things that most people half my age can’t. I can ramp skate, pump a half pipe, do a backwards arabesque and shoot the duck along a ledge. I can cross monkey bars without breaking a sweat and skate long distance with a goal of doing a marathon before I turn 45. I’m not super muscular but have enough muscle definition that it’s visible through my clothes.

Last year I was a few pounds off clinically obese. Now I’m strong, fast and flexible and my figure hasn’t looked better since I was 21. Do I have facial wrinkles, ever increasing amounts of grey hair and a stomach that’s an absolute scarred, wrinkly mess? Yes. But I care more about what amazing things I’ve gained and will keep gaining than what I’m losing.

Well I'd certainly agree with you, islaofsilly, and I'd imagine most sensible people would too. But not everyone is blessed with common sense.

That's a really good point actually Kitty and something that came up for me during counselling.

Sense has never been something I've lacked. Infinite time, however is not at my disposal Quintella. Enjoy your afternoon of terrible youtube videos. You have to watch them to decide whether they're terrible. I'll pass.

When I was in my early 20s, I suffered from body dysmorphia and was convinced that I was hideously ugly. I wasn’t. I became more confident about my looks from 25-37, I would say. I’m now 51 and fairly fit and slim. There are many things I don’t like about the ageing process, but if you can stay fit and active and dress fashionably or stylishly, in a way that suits you, I think this is the best time of life. You should follow some of the amazing over 40 instagrammers - they seem to have a zest for life, which is incredibly youthful. Also, they are funny and take themselves way less seriously than some of the po-faced, pouting 20 somethings. Life-enhancing, seriously I am honestly so grateful to be healthy and active, with a family I love, that the exterior signs of ageing are just mildly irritating, rather than something to dwell upon.

Yes, I get it. I'm 37 and in the baby / pregnancy / breastfeeding period of my life so have spent the last 5 years either being pregnant, fat from baby weight, breastfeeding / post breastfeeding spaniel ear boobs, hair falling out etc.

I'm also one of those people that looks a lot better with botox (frown lines in between eyebrows) but I haven't been able to get it because of said pregnancies/breastfeeding and now I worry it is too late and they're too set in.

Someone recently asked me if I was the same age as my husband, 5 years older so I know it's not just me being down on myself. I obviously look 42 right now!

I used to be slim and pretty attractive prekids. I wonder if I can get a semblance of that back once I know I'm not gonna be pregnant again and can basically lose the pregnancy weight for good and have the botox.

RuffleCrow, so busy and so important, and yet here you are continuing to embarrass yourself. Best of luck to you.

Rufflecrow ok... though I remember Baby Jane being only approx two hours.

I do think you look loads worse than you do when sat at the hair dressers. Especially when there is a young fresh faces hair dresser with lovely shiny hair behind you. I am early 30s but had 2 kids and don't get a lot of sleep yet so looked so tired last time I went last week. My skin looked so dull and the makeup I had put in to make me look better just looked dry and orange. Felt awful, but don't think i am so bad really.

I am 44, I became invisible petty much in my 40s. I am an introvert so not great at asking favours or help. Admittedly people are nicer to you when you look more beautiful. It has impact on job hunting in my field (probably combination of sex and age), it can be depressing but I am trying to embrace it!

I noticed I was looking older as I would look in the mirror and get a mild shick at how much I resemble my aunts when they were middle aged. Recently, I saw my grandmother!! I

And it’s not all about looks...

I was as fit as a flea up to early 50’s but am now struggling massively with spinal multilevel spondylosis and disc compression. Which means I can no longer run. Or do weights. I can still walk and I cycle every day but I’m in constant chronic pain and sleep deprivation (due to pain). I feel it is ageing me SO fast and not in a way that an anti wrinkle cream can sort.

Stay fit, eat well, look after ALL of your body.

Quintella the only person who seems to find my freely expressed opinions 'embarassing' is you. Time to give your head a wobble

God i hate that cringey MN phrase but happy to have used it correctly in this instance.

Sitting beside DH the other night playing with my phone while he watched old Top Gear episode (livin' the dream, me!!!!!!) and I couldn't help noticing how my hair looked almost exactly like James May's! Time to take drastic action, but what?!?!?!

@looking... It’s very doable. See a hairdresser to get some suggestions then, if you like, make an appointment. Hair’s one thing you CAN change overnight and often makes a huge difference 😊. Can you post a pic? We’ll give you sone ideas.

In my early 50’s. Can live with the wrinkles but not the sagging jawline and craepy neck- Botox doesn’t touch either of them. Recently had a small facelift. Not even my best friend could tell I’d had anything done, just said I looked good and asked if I’d been away.

It's the tiredness I hate so much..

I console myself that there is a lot of subtle things you can do to reverse a few years. I think the trick is not trying to reverse too far!

Subtle hair extensions for thickness

Botox from someone who really knows what they are doing

Fake tan. There are so many around these days which are not orange. I do mine religiously on a Thursday night. Put a good film on and shower it off Friday morning. It just looks like I’ve been for a long weekend abroad.

Change your makeup routine. The makeup you wore 10 years ago isn’t going to keep on looking good. Mix it up.

All the usual exercise, don’t smoke and drink too much stuff too (I’m not great at the smoking and drinking) but I exercise religiously. Make it part of your day. No compromises, it’s just another thing that has to get done

Oh God yes, the tiredness is so debilitating 😐