To hate how I look now I'm older.

[bluewavysea]

I know it's ridiculous and probably quite shallow, but just lately I seem to have aged rapidly. I was horrified at my old looking face at the hairdressers earlier. I used to like the way I looked, was always told I was beautiful, now I feel invisibible. Anyone else mourn their lost looks?

I've booked a personal trainer to get rid of the barrel shape.
The shit candy floss hair and appallingly bad face,will need a miracle

This is a sad thread. I have moments where i feel similar. Then I remember all the gorgeous older women in the world and how it's only our shitty patriarchal society that tricks us into thinking 'there's nothing as beautiful as a 20 year old woman'.

It's certainly not true of men, so why should it be true of us? George Clooney at 20 or George Clooney as he is now?! I'm guessing not many of us would pick the former!

I was expecting the wrinkles so dont mind them so much - it's the blotchy skin and sagging and looking just so so tired no matter how much sleep I get. Was totally against botox and now reconsidering it, but it's very expensive (if you do it ad regularly as hey recommend)

My best friend is 4 years younger than me. I was lying back in the hairdressers having my hair washed and my friend came in looking for me.

The receptionist came over and said to me "your daughter is here to see you"

(of course best friend found it hilarious. I did NOT!)

One of the few advantages of being very shortsighted is that once I take my glasses off at the hairdressers, I can’t even see a person, let alone recognise myself. I pop them back on quickly at the end and mumble ‘perfect, thank you’ without really looking, before paying and rushing out.

Well I’m actually in my 20s and I’ve always hated how I looked! I’ve never been considered attractive or turned heads even though I’m supposed to be in my ‘prime’

I don’t have a bad body (its average but I can accept it) whereas my face is horrendous. I have very bad dark circles, dreadful skin (cystic acne, eczema) and hirsutism
As well as lacking facial symmetry in general

I always seem to have a rough, tired and unhealthy look regardless of how much money I spend on my appearance

This wellbeing ‘clean eating’ BS that is sold to woman as a cure for all annoys me too

Some of us don’t ever get a chance to look good sigh

I do think it’s important to remember that the photo is not what people see. A mobile face on a real person is much more attractive and interesting (at least this is what I always tell myself, as I’m always v shocked by photos of myself, of which there are very few post age 50).

Just yesterday, my DH pointed out that one of my front teeth is going black, which I hadn’t noticed and didn’t need to know. Actually on closer inspection maybe it’s just going a big ‘see through’. Anyway, I contemplated teeth whitening. Has anyone tried this?

You're never old in your dreams.

a ‘bit’ see-through - not ‘big see-through’ eek.

I'm in therapy for numerous reasons lol... one of which is body dysmorphia. I'm just starting to get to grips with what I actually look like and actually, what I've realised is that what your centimetre by centimetre body form is; what really matters is your anima, your life force or your general impression.

It's about your identity and how you present rather than the angle of your nose.

At 42, I'm surrounded by peers getting boob jobs and botox and thanks to my therapist I'm getting more confident just to be me.

Now, I must say I'm not aging or gaining weight particularly but even when I was young I loathed my looks and starved and stressed and put myself under tremendous pressure and pain. It's not worth it. There is no beauty standard except from the horrid companies that want to make you feel shit so you'll buy things. Xxxxxx

I think once you’ve had kids that’s it really.
Nothing less attractive than a woman with kids. And they age you so quickly and so hard. You’re just mum, totally lacking any sexuality or youthful glow. It’s definitely the beginning of the end having kids, if not the actual end.

Am 48. Just renewed my passport and in my new pic, I look 🤮. Face is puffy, one eye is noticeably smaller than the other. Even 10 years ago I looked fairly human. I get on the tube and very often, I'm the oldest one in my section of the carriage. I'm lucky cause I actually look young for my age and am still in good shape (swim 6 times a week). I actually get chatted up at the swimming pool about once a month but if I tell them my age it usually puts them off. Haha.

I don't think that's true at all chicks How old are your children? I looked worse when my DC were small (lack of sleep etc) but did have a brief period where I looked "better" in my 30s then before I had DC.

It's just a bit of an unpleasant thing to say, IMO.

Are you serious chicksinonebasket? So no woman ever who has kids is slightly sexy? Beyonce? Kim Kardashian? Heidi Klum?

Like, they aren't my go-to sexy people but my students age 18-24 certainly seem to like their looks, males and females.

In my life i know loads of attractive mothers. I'm perplexed at your comment.

I think it’s true. I definitely think you become less visible once you have kids.
My kids are 10 and 3. Since I had them I now age in dog years. Seven years for every actual year

Chicks, if you only think that the virginal,young form is attractive then I can see where you are coming from BUT! Isn't it sexy and beautiful to have brought your kids into the world, to have skills and experience? I'm not trying to troll you I'm just thinking that you aren't considering the beauty that comes from these things x

I’m already concerned our aging and I’m not even thirty yet. My body used to be so wonderful. I feel deformed post child birth and child associated sleep deprivation. Moving into an area with hard water has also had a major negative effect on my skin and hair.

I just think when you’ve spent the day listening to your son sing songs about poo and your daughter discuss the colour of snot... well it doesn’t get any less glamorous than that does it 😂
There’s just not a lot of room for sexy and attractive when you have kids and I think it shows for most women in their demeanour even if their outer appearance maybe doesn’t change that much. Definitely the beginning of the end for me when my son was born and my daughter tipped ‘not looking great’ into ‘looking dreadful’

I think some men (well I know for a fact!) find women with kids sexy - women with kids are seen as independent, strong but nurturing. I hate the phrase but MILF has been concocted for a reason. Also, I'm in way better shape than I was in my 20s and am lighter now than even when I was in 6th form. Admittedly, my 48 year old face looks like shit compared to then though.

Well, yes. But also. You’ll never look younger than you do today!! So appreciate it while you’ve got it.

Chicks- you are likely smoking hot and just feel a bit down about yourself. Plus like pp said, nobody's getting younger!

I work with young adults and they sometimes get quite crushy on me... obvs I never act on that but it's true that a tough, experienced woman who knows how to put an outfit together is a bit of a draw. I find it with my senior students too.

Anyway. What other people think is rubbish.

It's what's inside that counts.

Chicks You really don't think you have any sexuality once you have DC? Maybe you're doing it wrong

Seriously, do you think men lose all attractiveness when they become fathers? Ot is it just women that change their "demeanour"?

Getting older is getting older, becoming a parent doesn't automatically make you less "attractive" for want of a better word. Now if you want to talk about the different standards men and women are held as they age....

Motherhood isn't the problem here. Being female (and as PP said, the patriarchy) is the problem.

But we can keep this lighthearted I'm sure

The other day I was chatting to a gorgeous lady of around my age (early 50s) and hearing her deplore how her looks had ‘gone’. I must say my face was probably . I’m fairly sure if I met you all IRL my face would do the same thing.

My own experience was going from being a podgy teen who got barked at by blokes in passing cars (the charmers) to being a podgy 20 and then 30 -something with a round face and double chin. I was that lass men tell ‘er, but you have a lovely personality and, um, nice eyes?!’ Something seemed to happen in my early 40s and, without consciously dieting, I dropped 2 dress sizes and located my cheekbones. ( Bear with me, this is not a stealth brag.) Sadly, I’m now in ‘too little too late’ land as, whilst I certainly don’t look as frumpy as I did, neither have I transformed to a beauty. I’m grateful for the positives, sure, but I missed such a lot in my youth and settled for shit relationships as I thought it was my only chance.

I am 40 and find it depressing when I look in the mirror and see my face changing. I know it's natural but all I can see now is jowls and dark circles - and frown lines which I'm worried will make me look like I'm frowning all the time no matter what my mood. I just don't look as pretty as I used to. I always thought I would accept the ageing process gracefully but now that it's happening I feel like I'm almost grieving for the person I used to see in the mirror as it feels like she is gone forever. I find myself in front of the mirror lifting up the sides of my face.

I did hear about a new procedure where they lift your face using concealed threads pulled taut beneath the skin as an alternative to surgery but I highly doubt I'd ever do it, I'd feel too weird about it.