That one poster...

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

... on every regular MN thread who crops up with a ridiculous, irrelevant or ‘jokey’ comment that’s so annoying you want to eat your own face. Example:

OP is worried about a legal issue. Up pops that one poster who insists on informing us: ‘This wouldn’t be an issue on Scotland’. Well, that’s genius advice, isn’t it? All the OP has to do is master time travel, go back to before said issue occurs and move to West Lothian first! Or, if she’s mastered time travel, go back and make sure the issue doesn’t happen in the first sodding place.

On a non-drivers thread, someone says they don’t need to drive because they live in central London, and don’t have the money or the space for a car anyway. That one poster chimes in with ‘Well that’s all very well, but what would you do if you lived in a one-street village with buses twice a decade?’ At a wild guess, I’d suggest maybe they wouldn’t move from central London to said village! Or if for some reason they did, maybe it might just be the incentive to learn to drive that hadn’t had before?

On a door answering thread, someone says they don’t answer the door after the dark if they’re not expecting anyone because they live in a rough area. That one poster: ‘You miserable, unsociable lot! Don’t your neighbours ever just pop in for a cuppa? What if it’s a little girl looking for her lost cat? What if the old lady up the road baked you a cake? Bless, she’s probably lonely’. It’s never some scrote on the scrounge, is it?

OP’s mother-in-law criticises her child-rearing, cooking, housekeeping, sexual morals etc. Unless the husband cuts his mother permanently out of his life, that one poster will appear to decree that ‘You don’t have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem’. So hang on, it’s his fault she’s a rotten old bitch?

OP asks ‘Is my sister a bitch for doing XYZ?’ Most people say ‘Yes’. Someone says ‘Actually, I can see her point’. That one poster ‘hilariously’ dives in with ‘Are YOU the OP’s sister?!’ Yes, because that’s the most likely possibility on a site used by millions. It couldn’t possibly just be someone with a different view to the majority.

Any others?

I get annoyed when people don't read the full thread. I wrote one a while back asking for ideas of what to do with the kids when you have no money and no garden. The advice I got from one poster was to let them play on the trampoline in the garden.

When a woman writes a thread about the crappy situation they are in with a partner/is pregnant and some unhelpful twat writes: 'but why did you have children with him, OP?'. Invariably the OP is up shit creek without a paddle and this is the most unhelpful, sanctimonious comment possible. The horse has bolted...some useful advice would be preferable.

OP, I know exactly what you mean! There is one thread today about holidays and all these posters have piled in telling the op to get a grip as she is still spending a lot of money and loads of other people can't afford to. Don't click on the thread if you just want to be an arse!

Also anyone who responds to a post with this stupid fucking emoji - - should be burned at the stake.

“Didn’t want to read and run.”

No one cares or will even know. There is no magical “views” counter.

Didn’t want to read and run.”

No one cares or will even know. There is no magical “views” counter

No but there are threads that slip off the board unanswered. Is there something wrong with giving them a bump and being able to find it easily again to give it another bump? Or are those people who need replies not important?

Are you ok OP, you seem very irritated by this place?

Also anyone who responds to a post with this stupid fucking emoji - hmm - should be burned at the stake

I mean if you're at the point of wanting to inflict actual violence on people, maybe mumsnet isn't the place to hang out. It's not healthy to feel so angry about an online forum.

I mean if you're at the point of wanting to inflict actual violence on people, maybe mumsnet isn't the place to hang out. It's not healthy to feel so angry about an online forum.

Think this nicely falls in to the category of “people who take things way too literally”

I will own up to being one of the posters you'd like to burn at the stake. I have replied to posts with the face on occasions because they are so obviously men trying to pretend to be women so that they can get their kicks from people's responses.

You know, the sort of post that tries to convince posters to post stories of that time when they were a teenager on a sleepover and all the girls were having pillow fights in their underwear and then one thing led to another...

Are you ok OP, you seem very irritated by this place?

See, that's nice. People read some lighthearted comments and, instead of just smiling/ignoring/tutting/whatever and moving on, they take time to enquire about people's wellbeing.
I must try to be nicer.

@gamerchick
Are you ok, hun?

It's good this nice thing. I feel better already.

The ones who only join a thread to say ‘Sex not gender - it’s important’

Now don’t get me wrong, I know it’s an important point BUT the hospital letters call it a ‘gender scan’ and that is what the OP is asking about. Instead their thread gets derailed each and every time.

Also hate ‘didn’t want to read and run’ it’s so stupid!

@gamerchick
Are you ok, hun*

Sound as a pound hinny

I mean if you're at the point of wanting to inflict actual violence on people, maybe mumsnet isn't the place to hang out. It's not healthy to feel so angry about an online forum.

I didn’t think I’d have to spell this out, but for the avoidance of any doubt, I am not planning on literally re-enacting a mediaeval ritual because someone replied with a face. Hope that helps.

I will own up to being one of the posters you'd like to burn at the stake. I have replied to posts with the hmm face on occasions because they are so obviously men trying to pretend to be women so that they can get their kicks from people's responses.

So why not just report them? It smacks of being keen to let everyone know you’ve spotted a troll, but not wanting to be reported for troll-hunting.

‘They brought up your DH so I’m sure they can look after your DC well enough. YABU to be angry that they just walked off and disappeared with DC, without telling you. 🙄’

Yes they probably can, but having children in the past doesn’t make you a fucking expert, or a good parent.
GPs on here seem to be a protected characteristic by some, they have a whole band of people who believe that GP should have as many, if not more rights than the parents. Fuck that for a laugh. Boundaries people!

Equally annoying is;

‘Well my DM smoked/drank/took drugs when pregnant with me, and I turned out fine!’

Did you, did you REALLY?

‘People use to get on fine before insert item they believe is a load of tosh here’

Yes, but why make extra work for yourself when you don’t have to?

‘People are all parasites and should be killed off as they’ve ravaged the earth!’

Oh do STFU.

The biscuit. It's all about the biscuit. Either comment or don't, but anyone who posts this infuriating little icon deserves nothing better than a custard pie in the face.

.

That's what bugs me. Along with placemarking.
Just Watch the damn thread.

[Really don't want to derail the thread as it's too enjoyable for that but (in the plaintive tones of Margot in "The Good Life" saying, "But why is it funny?") what does mean? I know there was the fuss about Gordon Brown on MN re bisuits but I'm a relatively new poster and have seen it used in various contexts. Used to think it was a warning of trolling - another board I used to post on had a "code" for that - but it doesn't always seem to be the case]

- started off as meaning 'no comment' but now tends to mean 'I think your post is so stupid / offensive you take the biscuit'

So why not just report them? It smacks of being keen to let everyone know you’ve spotted a troll, but not wanting to be reported for troll-hunting.

I do report it. But to be honest I do it as placemarking to see if my instincts were right and the the thread gets deleted, because I'm nosey that way. I've tried just following the thread but if you haven't posted anything on it then it disappears in amongst all the other threads.

The last few days there have been many many posters coming onto threads saying things along the lines of, “people on these threads are gross, ignorant, fucking cunts”

Okaaaaay, well you sound like a little ray of sunshine yourself there dear

One word. "Hobbies"

@iklboo
Ah, I see. Thank you

Also the people who say “I’ve just read this to my DH and he thinks....”. I dgaf what someone’s husband thinks

Likewise “too busy to read full thread but XYZ”, esp when it’s on page 32 - do you really think no one else will have commented that?!

Hope this isn't too much of a zombie thread to post on again (surely rigor mortis hasn't even set in yet?).
Seemed to best place to moan about posters who choose to post on a thread about a particular topic, about which they know very little, and who then keep asking "Who's that?" "Is there a link?" When they're obviously on the internet themselves with access to google! Ask once or twice maybe, but dear God not every blessed post!