That one poster...

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

... on every regular MN thread who crops up with a ridiculous, irrelevant or ‘jokey’ comment that’s so annoying you want to eat your own face. Example:

OP is worried about a legal issue. Up pops that one poster who insists on informing us: ‘This wouldn’t be an issue on Scotland’. Well, that’s genius advice, isn’t it? All the OP has to do is master time travel, go back to before said issue occurs and move to West Lothian first! Or, if she’s mastered time travel, go back and make sure the issue doesn’t happen in the first sodding place.

On a non-drivers thread, someone says they don’t need to drive because they live in central London, and don’t have the money or the space for a car anyway. That one poster chimes in with ‘Well that’s all very well, but what would you do if you lived in a one-street village with buses twice a decade?’ At a wild guess, I’d suggest maybe they wouldn’t move from central London to said village! Or if for some reason they did, maybe it might just be the incentive to learn to drive that hadn’t had before?

On a door answering thread, someone says they don’t answer the door after the dark if they’re not expecting anyone because they live in a rough area. That one poster: ‘You miserable, unsociable lot! Don’t your neighbours ever just pop in for a cuppa? What if it’s a little girl looking for her lost cat? What if the old lady up the road baked you a cake? Bless, she’s probably lonely’. It’s never some scrote on the scrounge, is it?

OP’s mother-in-law criticises her child-rearing, cooking, housekeeping, sexual morals etc. Unless the husband cuts his mother permanently out of his life, that one poster will appear to decree that ‘You don’t have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem’. So hang on, it’s his fault she’s a rotten old bitch?

OP asks ‘Is my sister a bitch for doing XYZ?’ Most people say ‘Yes’. Someone says ‘Actually, I can see her point’. That one poster ‘hilariously’ dives in with ‘Are YOU the OP’s sister?!’ Yes, because that’s the most likely possibility on a site used by millions. It couldn’t possibly just be someone with a different view to the majority.

Any others?

Posters who just say YABU or YANBU without giving a reason. It’s just so lazy.

That one poster that posts what she hates about other posters who are free to put what they like. 😁

everyones a comedian

Ooh I am not sure Anne Widdecombe would be that daring Mapril I see her more in one of those cover everything Victorian bathing suits complete with fetching swim hat.

There is always an air of smug superiority attached to their postings, isn't there.

RedDogsBed exactly, the dour, miserable, superior tone of 'be like me who gives not a shit about such fripperies as clothing and swimwear. I don't even brush my hair, I just wait for the wind to blow out the knots and local wildlife to pick out any crumbs'

When you post a thread about how difficult your relationship is and how unsupportive your partner is etc...

Then someone who is single pops up and starts going on about the pros of being in a relationship🙄 Fuck off and start your own fucking thread about your own issues then if you’re fed up. Or have my stbx if you want...

Sometimes I have a little scoot about and think in some threads, people really need to get laid.

What you are describing here OP,
“MN Bingo”.

Create your original post into a bingo card and get your dabber ready

When an OP needs help with a problem compounded by having several DCs. Someone always has to tell them that they should have thought about this before they had them. Like the OP can go back in time.

mumsnet bingo Yes!

Newnyham I was about to post exactly that. 'why did you have DC with this man' type comment. Well they're fucking here now! She can't exactly shove them back inside. It's so sneery and unhelpful it makes me rage, especially given that it's usually said to an op who is clearly in an abusive relationship.

A problem DM or MiL : you should be grateful your mother's still alive. One day she won't be here any more.
I'm sorry for those posters who've lost their mums. I have myself. I miss my mum because she was amazing. But that doesn't mean I can't recognise that some people's mums are a nightmare.

A parent or in law who is being nasty : the posters who pile in to say could it be early dementia.
Ignoring the fact that OP has said the parent has been like this for years, this is just the latest example.

AiBu to think he shouldn't have spoken to me like that' and someone will go 'my DH would never treat me like this. He would kiss me gently until I was quiet. To me this is a red flag.Here have my first ever LTB.'

@ladyflower23 ThankYou for a proper laugh out loud.

And almost any minor wedding query will end up with multiple fierce enquires as to wtf you are being given away when actually the OP was wondering if roses or peonies would make for a better bouquet.

The poster who singled out a poster on a thread and highlights a sentence from a paragraph they write (which is out of context) and argues with them about being wrong.

Continuously!

I've seen where a poster hasn't typed for a few days on a long thread, comes back and agrees with a subsequent poster. The poster on their case then highlights a sentence from the original poster - assigns it to OP - and picks it apart.

Yet has agreed with original poster on the whole the whole way through the thread

I’ve thought of another one. Someone posts something along the lines of ‘I’m really upset because I found out the girls at work have been bitching about me behind my back’. Some snooty mare will pop up with ‘Are they are under 18? What an unusual situation in an office! Or if not, YABU for referring to them as girls’.

Fuckofffuckofffuckofffffff

funinthesun or the single poster who chimes in with I am so glad I am single, how helpful

I think some people just go out of their way to get hold of the wrong end of the stick, even when it's been handed to them the right way round.

Whenever there's a post about a celebrity there will always be a poster who posts 'I have no idea who they are' as if they're far too superior to ever watch tv.

Well fucking google them then, you tool!

As sure as day follows night, any thread that mentions the word post will have someone coming along and posting 'it's illegal to open someone else's post'.

No, it's not. Well, not in the UK. It's illegal to do it maliciously, but trying to find a return address etc isn't malicious.

When the OP has made it pretty clear that they are a lone parent looking for advice on how they are going to manage getting to a really important job interview/hospital appointment/funeral or some such scenario and have absolutely no one to turn to for childcare. There is always one who pipes up with “Simple. Ask your HUSBAND to look after the kids”

When a fairly light-hearted or interesting thread is going on and that poster comes on to, as TitOfTheIceBerg said, carefully edge round to get a grip on the wrong end of the stick, get offended about what they you meant to say, and then plunge everyone into a sinkhole about their tenuously related horrendous experience. E.g. "My kids are driving me mad with their blimmin Nerf guns!" cue: "As a child my entire family were killed in a freak Nerf gun accident it's incredibly triggering for me to hear about them, actually etc etc."

Correcting spellings, just fuck off.
The one who pops up "oh first world problem, think of Syria" (other war zones are available).
It's as if they never worry about anything but global issues .

It grinds my gears when a poster is clearly just having a rant about DH/DP and immediately get hit with serious chants of LTB.

Well that's all very well "linda234" but am not going to leave him for pissing on the toilet seat but thanks for the input.

All this triggering gets on my nerves too, especially when the OP has clearly flagged in the title in great big bold capital letters that the thread content might be triggering for some. There is always at least one poster who comes on and complains about how the thread content has triggered them and they are reporting to MNHQ to have the thread removed - ffs why bother opening a thread when you know you will be upset by the content?

Love this thread OP! For me it's the ones when someone says anything about being pissed off about an aspect of housework.....they pile in with "why are you cooking for your DH/child over the age of 5/sibling". Those that think a magical thing happens the night a child turns 18.....they should be working, living somewhere else , getting no help whatsoever. I don't know any one IRL that dies this..most just do their best to help their families out sometimes .