That one poster...

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

... on every regular MN thread who crops up with a ridiculous, irrelevant or ‘jokey’ comment that’s so annoying you want to eat your own face. Example:

OP is worried about a legal issue. Up pops that one poster who insists on informing us: ‘This wouldn’t be an issue on Scotland’. Well, that’s genius advice, isn’t it? All the OP has to do is master time travel, go back to before said issue occurs and move to West Lothian first! Or, if she’s mastered time travel, go back and make sure the issue doesn’t happen in the first sodding place.

On a non-drivers thread, someone says they don’t need to drive because they live in central London, and don’t have the money or the space for a car anyway. That one poster chimes in with ‘Well that’s all very well, but what would you do if you lived in a one-street village with buses twice a decade?’ At a wild guess, I’d suggest maybe they wouldn’t move from central London to said village! Or if for some reason they did, maybe it might just be the incentive to learn to drive that hadn’t had before?

On a door answering thread, someone says they don’t answer the door after the dark if they’re not expecting anyone because they live in a rough area. That one poster: ‘You miserable, unsociable lot! Don’t your neighbours ever just pop in for a cuppa? What if it’s a little girl looking for her lost cat? What if the old lady up the road baked you a cake? Bless, she’s probably lonely’. It’s never some scrote on the scrounge, is it?

OP’s mother-in-law criticises her child-rearing, cooking, housekeeping, sexual morals etc. Unless the husband cuts his mother permanently out of his life, that one poster will appear to decree that ‘You don’t have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem’. So hang on, it’s his fault she’s a rotten old bitch?

OP asks ‘Is my sister a bitch for doing XYZ?’ Most people say ‘Yes’. Someone says ‘Actually, I can see her point’. That one poster ‘hilariously’ dives in with ‘Are YOU the OP’s sister?!’ Yes, because that’s the most likely possibility on a site used by millions. It couldn’t possibly just be someone with a different view to the majority.

Any others?

I’m particularly enjoying a thread about vegan cake at the moment! I’m loving the fact that some people are ignoring the fact that OP went out of her way to include the vegan when she brought in cakes by buying the 2/20 vegans a cake but instead are suggesting various delicious vegan cakes recipes! That’s not why she fucking asked for! If she wanted that she would have said..... can anyone suggest any vegan cake recipes! Arghh!!!! They might be lush but her college was rude! Stop detailing the thread and filling it with bloody vegan cake recipes!

So to summarise my rant! I can’t stand when people derail the thread!

Good thread.

When you post about how you’re finding a part of parenting tough, or recovering from a traumatic birth one poster will pipe up ‘This is why I don’t have kids’. So so helpful....

When a SAHM posts asking about other sahps routines or how they cope someone will pop on with their little useful nugget of information such as ‘be pleased you can stay at home, it’s a luxury’ or ‘I couldn’t be at home all day it would drive me mad’ nothing to actually answer the OPs question.

When someone posts about a concern, there will inevitably be a ‘Are you always this anxious OP?’ Or ‘you sound like hard work’.

When someone asks about their toddlers behaviour ‘I’d never let mine have a tantrum! Just parent them’!

I was going to ask about some tips for making some extra money but then realised people would just suggest I take in ironing- I don’t do my own !

@piefacedClique

I can’t stand when people derail the thread!

^^ That.
In fact, that with bells on.
You are my people, piefC.
Gosh! Are you, in fact, me?
😂😂😂😂😂😂...oops!

Does anybody know how to clean vodka out of a keyboard?*

Sorry. Couldn't resist
Really do agree, though.

*Attempt to derail thread onto perils of mid-morning drinking.
It was only gin really.

I'm sorry @ShirleyPhallus but I did laugh out loud (maybe more of a loud chuckle) @piefacedClique's comment re the vegan recipies. I need to get out more.

@Marlena1 don’t get me wrong..... SOME of the recipes look delicious!

Some great ones here!

I'm irritated when OP is looking for advice on a current ongoing problem, and people clog up the thread with their own long-winded life stories which are only loosely related. Most of the details aren't relevant or necessary - they are just jumping on OP's thread and using it as therapy for their own ancient problems.

No need to write the thrilling 20 year saga of you and Dawn, detailing how you and Dawn met and every snide comment Dawn ever made to you and the date you went no-contact with Dawn. No one gives a fuck about Dawn. Just post the lessons you've learnt instead: You could say "A friend who constantly undermines you in public is no real friend. Best to cut them out - talking from experience. Here are some ways you could do it."

To be fair, people do this in real life too and it's not exclusive to MN.

This is a real post, from the “secrets of fat people” thread, a thread where posters are being bluntly honest about their bad eating habits, binging and issues with overeating.

Most of this is totally outside of my experience, I find it very easy to stay slim, should I just fuck off and shut up?

Why would you even post that?

Also, first world problem. We live in the first world, third world problems are things like no access to any kind of health care, no sanitation or clean water, no electricity, children dying from entirely preventable and easily curable illnesses. Compared to those things even our major issues seem smaller.

a variation of the 'no permission Daily Mail' ones - where people interject random swear words into their OP or change their name to a sweary one so a paper won't be able to copy it. How can they not grasp that if anybody wanted to use it they would just blank out/extract the sweary bits and attribute it to 'a user?'

Also when people just post a single solitary
.
to mark their place. Fucking annoying in any circumstance where there's already a whole set up to follow threads, etc. but particularly bad when it's a thread about sad or emotive circumstances when they couldn't make it any clearer that they are using someones very real distress as light entertainment to pop back for the next installment at their leisure.

'Just placemarking' announcements are almost as annoying. Thanks for filling up 30% of a limited number post thread for your personal convenience.

The much quoted when someone shows you who they are, believe them. It gets parroted out on the relationships board with annoying regularity these days, and is actually only helpful in abuse situations - not when someone's DH/DP has had a twattish moment.

Posters who repeat their (incorrect) opinion several times in a thread. Doesn't make it any more right.

God yes, why do people bother to write "Placemarking!" or even, "Shamelessly placemarking!". Just bookmark the last post you fool, who cares where in the thread you got to??

On the recent huge wedding thread. ‘Well if the wedding is in a church you can just turn up and watch’. Repeatedly. The wedding isn’t in a church! FFS!!

I once posted something like 'if my husband did that, he'd be getting a belt of the frying pan across the head'.

Along came Miss Pious McPious with 'I hope you're single if that's how you behave'.

No Pious - I'm a frying pan wielding lunatic let loose in the wilds. I was not speaking metaphorically.

A phrase that I find really irksome is "I can see both sides tbh". Yes dear, lots of people can, and they still think OP/OP's protagonist is BU (or whatever). It's like they're saying only they have the ability to appreciate all aspects of the issue and everyone else is fixated on one point.

Every time I see it my blood pressure starts mounting. Along with "I have found my people", "are you on glue?", etc etc. Done to death!

My mind is regularly blown by the number of posters who see pregnancy and post natal hormones as a perfectly valid reason for treating everyone else around you appallingly.

Agree wholeheartedly issabellerosignol.

Another regularly parroted mantra - your dh (or whoever) is in F.O.G., that's Fear, Obligation, Guilt, nine times out of ten the poster posting this has no idea what it actually means and thus whether it is relevant to the situation described or not, but hey! it sounds good and makes the person posting it feel ever so clever and insightful.

Agree with this peculiar MN obsession with the Daily Mail and the need to be seen to be virulently anti to it. My favourite is when a poster talks about something they have seen in the DM but won't link to it because it's such a bad, bad paper - so bad that you read it, eh? Or they link it then grovellingly apologise for doing so just so they can stay on the right side of the MN hatred for the paper, but even then one poster will pronounce full of holier than thou puffed up superiority "I won't read that I don't read that hideous paper." No point in you commenting then, is there? You are not going to read the article so can't add anything to the discussion.

No-one gives a flying fuck what you read or don't read it doesn't make you any better than anyone else and the MN hatred and dismissal of the DM is beyond tiresome now.

What irritates me is when someone answers the question that they want to be asked, rather than the one that was actually asked.

Q: I’d like to buy my child a set of reading scheme books. He is currently on ORT 6 - what should I get?
A: You should go to a library and let him explore books and reading.

I get that going to a library is a good thing to do. But this didn’t answer the question that was asked.

Another irritating one is where an OP asks a very specific question and I answer, spending a bit of time and thought on my response and the OP vanishes, never to be seen again. Although, to be fair, I’m often then irritated with myself for spending time responding to a total stranger.

Agree with this peculiar MN obsession with the Daily Mail

More like the DM are obsessed with mumsnet, cheap journalism.

CruCru Yeah I get annoyed by that. I guess no one owes anyone a reply blah blah, but it’s annoying. I tend to think they are either a troll or didn’t get the answer they wanted maybe.

Or when you reply with a specific answer and the OP replies but completely ignores you’re answer. Which is really irritating, especially when you know what you’re talking about.

Another one that annoys me is when someone has posted that her DH has stayed out late and come in drunk/gone out to do his (secret, unnamed, oh-so-outing hobby...that's always fucking cycling) all day while they've been looking after the kids and there's always someone, or several someones, who replies "go out all day today/tomorrow and leave him with the kids". Not only is tit-for-tat a pretty immature way of dealing with any issue, but why should the poor woman leave the comfort of her own home - and her children who, presumably, she mostly enjoys spending time with - without a specific reason to go out or anywhere in particular to go, simply to 'punish' her husband? Seems like just as much of a punishment for her IMO!

@TheTit....or when they say....leave your poorly/young/demanding children with their hungover booze stinking knackered father and take yourself off for a spa day.....cos that would be really relaxing knowing the DC are most likely having a shit time with him

Oh, and "Am I alone in thinking that ?"