That one poster...

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

... on every regular MN thread who crops up with a ridiculous, irrelevant or ‘jokey’ comment that’s so annoying you want to eat your own face. Example:

OP is worried about a legal issue. Up pops that one poster who insists on informing us: ‘This wouldn’t be an issue on Scotland’. Well, that’s genius advice, isn’t it? All the OP has to do is master time travel, go back to before said issue occurs and move to West Lothian first! Or, if she’s mastered time travel, go back and make sure the issue doesn’t happen in the first sodding place.

On a non-drivers thread, someone says they don’t need to drive because they live in central London, and don’t have the money or the space for a car anyway. That one poster chimes in with ‘Well that’s all very well, but what would you do if you lived in a one-street village with buses twice a decade?’ At a wild guess, I’d suggest maybe they wouldn’t move from central London to said village! Or if for some reason they did, maybe it might just be the incentive to learn to drive that hadn’t had before?

On a door answering thread, someone says they don’t answer the door after the dark if they’re not expecting anyone because they live in a rough area. That one poster: ‘You miserable, unsociable lot! Don’t your neighbours ever just pop in for a cuppa? What if it’s a little girl looking for her lost cat? What if the old lady up the road baked you a cake? Bless, she’s probably lonely’. It’s never some scrote on the scrounge, is it?

OP’s mother-in-law criticises her child-rearing, cooking, housekeeping, sexual morals etc. Unless the husband cuts his mother permanently out of his life, that one poster will appear to decree that ‘You don’t have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem’. So hang on, it’s his fault she’s a rotten old bitch?

OP asks ‘Is my sister a bitch for doing XYZ?’ Most people say ‘Yes’. Someone says ‘Actually, I can see her point’. That one poster ‘hilariously’ dives in with ‘Are YOU the OP’s sister?!’ Yes, because that’s the most likely possibility on a site used by millions. It couldn’t possibly just be someone with a different view to the majority.

Any others?

I always feel terrible when someone asks if they should go to the emergency room (A&E). The person could say, "I thought I sprained my ankle earlier, but now my foot is really painful and 18x it's regular size and turning black," and someone will invariably say don't waste A&E's time.😳

I think some people just go out of their way to get hold of the wrong end of the stick, even when it's been handed to them the right way round.

love this. Don't mind admitting it I'm stealing it for our next staff meeting to use

I hate

NC'd for this but been here years. Penis Beaker, cutted up pear, Mexican house thief etc.

WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???

Do they think they are more deserving of the best advice people can give as they have been registered on mumsnet for a few years and that people who have just joined are less deserving of good advice???

Drives me mad.

The contraceptive failure ones.

Most of the time its complete bullshit because the OP knows that the wrath of Mumsnetters will come down on her like a ton of bricks!

People that hand out grips

Take the sodding grip and jam it up your arse!!! Pointless fuckers.

Brexit

People in dire financial difficulties with tuppence ha'penny farthing to last them till November and the roof has just blown off, onto the car sending it hurtling into the house opposite demolishing it and they've been given the bill:

'Why can't you just get a credit card or payday loan?'

When a poster states well you shouldn’t have had 18 kids if you couldn’t afford them, there’s always loads of people who assume the poster could afford them previously but just fell on hard times. Apparently everyone on benefits used to earn 6 figure salaries before the aforementioned fall on hard times

The poster that has to demonstrate woke they are

*I hate

NC'd for this but been here years. Penis Beaker, cutted up pear, Mexican house thief etc.

WHAT THE FUCK DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???

Do they think they are more deserving of the best advice people can give as they have been registered on mumsnet for a few years and that people who have just joined are less deserving of good advice???

Drives me mad*

This is just an attempt to prove they're not a troll before some twat with too much time on their hands and a love of the advanced search comes along with 'interesting first post OP '.

I do enjoy being reminded of the Mexican House Thief. It's my favorite thread after Elderly Korean Lady.

Posters who behave like a private fucking investigator, dig up OP previous threads and then try to “catch them out”.

Shockingly posters actually change details sometimes so they don’t get recognised in an anonymous forum

The ones who accuse any new mum of 'being a mummy martyr' if they say they're having a difficult time. Having an off day does not mean you should change everything about how you feed/ dress/ teach/ etc. your child.

@isabellerossignol yikes!

I hate when when someone says why don't you say blah blah blah while doing a head tilt or tinkly laugh
That really grinds my gears and makes me want to punch them through the screen 🙈

OP -AIBU?
Whole of MN - Yes
OP - No i'm not cos cos.... flounce

I know this is sometimes true but for some reason i find the above predictable statement boring and unfunny

I think I’ve nodded my head to this entire thread. I really hope I haven’t done any of these.

I just hate it when someone comes along about 500 posts in to offer the most obvious advice that’s already been mentioned, considered, applied and concluded about 100 times previously.

Or you get half a thread saying the same thing and the other half all plaintively crying out for the poster to read the fucking thread. The original point is lost for all eternity and the thread has derailed to the point of oblivion.

Another one for me....
OP - DH went out last night drinking, was totally wasted and spent money we can ill afford and we are really skint and now he is fit for nothing this morning.
Unhelpful Poster - well i suggest you wake him up, put the kids on the bed and go off for a spa and shopping day. In fact book yourself into a nice hotel tonight for a night off.

When someone starts as thread with "Fuck off Daily Mail".

Yeah, that'll really stop them picking up the thread...

@WorraLiberty....or say....daily fail, you don't have my permission to reprint this....as if they need it.

Stealth boasts....my little Archie loves his quinoa and bean sprouts ....AIBU to serve only that at his 4th birthday party?.

Totally agreed Worra! Daily Mail ‘journalists’ might not be MENSA material, but I’m pretty sure they can crop a screenshot.

I also hate any thread that starts with ‘Please don’t flame me’. You just know the OP is going to be massively sensitive to any criticism - and anyone who would genuinely ‘flame’ them (rather than simply disagreeing) isn’t going to change their mind because the OP said ‘please don’t’.

Posters who say 'Daily Mail, you don't have my permission to print this' remind me of people who post those cut and paste things on Facebook saying that they own the copyright to everything they post and that they don't give Facebook permission to use it. Hmmm, should have thought of that when you ticked the 'I agree' box on the terms and conditions...

I know i will get slated for this....but posters who outline a moderately awkward or slightly difficult situation they have to deal with who ask for advice...then say "I suffer from anxiety so it's Not easy for me".....as if "anxiety" is a blanket get out of jail free card.
most people would be a bit anxious in a challenging situation- that is a normal.human response.

When a poster responds with a rude and bitchy comment. Gets called out on said rudeness and their reply is " I can say what I like! You don't know my situation. Today my cat ran away, My dog died my husband left me and I have several MH issues LOOK HOW BAD I HAVE IT!! THIS IS MY FREE PASS TO BE AS HORRIBLE AS I PLEASE".

It is so childish! As if they now want to turn the confrontation of their behaviour into sympathy.

If you are going to be so confidently rude, just own it. Don't try and deflect said rudeness through excuses of circumstance.

When it's a thread about something pretty common, e.g. eating breakfast, watching TV or loving being in bed, and someone says "you are my people" like it's a specialist niche activity.