To think this sounds like a holiday from absolute hell??

[tiffanygoldduck]

DHs grandmother has just died and so his parents have just inherited a decent amount of money.

They have offered to pay to take our family (me, DH, DS6, DS5, DD3 and DS13mnths) and SILs family (SIL, her DH and 3 kids B13, G8 and G5) to Disneyworld in the summer holidays for 2 weeks. They plan on booking a villa and then us doing all the amusement parks, having some time to explore and go shopping etc.

All seems ideal- aside from the fact DH and SIL don’t get on and haven’t spoken for nearly 2.5 years (she hasn’t even met our youngest and has met DD a handful of times and I doubt our elder 2 will even know who she/their uncle/their cousins are). There have been attempts of phone call reconciliation to no avail. She has refused to come to every family event if DH is attending (meaning that most have been split 50/50)

SIL has agreeed to this holiday being aware that DH has been invited too- but she is very greedy, hates spending money and both me and DH have agreed she will be nicey nicey until we are on holiday and all hell will break loose which will ruin the holiday for everyone and upset MIL because it isn’t going to be cheap and she is trying to do something that none of us will ever be able to afford otherwise without getting into debt.

SIL is MIL “golden child”- and MIL thinks it effects DH, when in reality he couldn’t really give a shit anymore. DH is very reasonable in that he always tells MIL to put SIL first- which he can’t see then gives SIL a golden ticket to rub it in his face even more.

DH has suggested I go with the D.C. and he stays behind, which I don’t think is fair- especially when it’s his family paying.

He doesn’t want to suggest his parents taking SILs family and us doing something else, because he doesn’t want to see as being grabby.

We are both gutted —mostly for us not the kids— that there doesn’t seem to be a easy way round this

AIBU?

We went in the summer (about 20 years ago). Both ended up with heat stroke despite being really careful. Remember being obsessed with planning the days to include time in air conditioned places to "reset", but also spent a lot of time indoors in bed as we felt so terrible. Would not be taking the dcs, especially when they're too young to remember it and would get as much pleasure out of a "villa" holiday much closer to home.

No, this won’t work. Your MIL is misguided if she thinks this is likely to heal the breach. I am absolutely sure you shouldn’t go, less sure how you say so without causing upset.

As for doing it for the kids, my DC have never been to Disney World. They survived.

Can’t you and your DH just grow a pair and ask MIL how that is meant to work since the siblings don’t speak at all let alone be in a villa for 2 weeks together where there will be children of all ages all of which are going to want to do different things (maybe even start arguing with each other) and also may witness arguements that WILL eventually break out between the siblings ...and maybe even why she would suggest it in the first place

It was the 'continental food as opposed to American rubbish' post. Of course restaurants at Disney aren't going to be Michelin standards, but crap fast food exists the world over.

Most of the food at WDW is casual, as you would expect with so many children about, but there are actually some first class restaurants there too. And the casual dining food is pricey but good quality.

Top 10 Fine Dining Options at WDW

We went to Florida two years ago and it was amazing. I was dreading it, the crowds etc but we all loved it. Only did Universal, not Disney, as our kids are older. Admittedly we had a week on the coast afterwards so we got to see a more calm, chilled Florida.

And I would definitely get two villas - they are very spacious but all those people under one roof would be bad under the best circumstances.

However, I do think your kids are a bit young for it all, the travelling, the heat, naps, which will not help an already stressful situation.

And finally, two weeks of parks is a lot. You would definitely need time out away from them IMO.

It sounds ungrateful but to go all that way for all the expense and to not really have the holiday that suits your family seems like a waste of time and money for everyone.

What Onethread said! It will be bloody awful - walking on eggshells or major rows erupting. MIL knows the dynamics - and probably why they exist - she shouldn't use a holiday of this type (and importance to your kids) to try and reconcile the family differences. You would need your own space at the very least and if it goes ti*s up you are safe in your accommodation - can withdraw from the social side of the holiday and make your own onward arrangements for your kids entertainment - if you can afford to pay for park passes for you all. There are good deals to be had if bought in advance. Maybe do that if you get the accommodation sorted out for you all, buy your passes and hire your own car - then limit your together time

I don’t suppose your SIL is happy with the arrangement either. DH should be talking to his parents.

I would tell him to put his big boy pants on and suck it up. Who knows he may actually enjoy himself. When at WDW you are rarely at your villa as there is so much to fit in over the two weeks. Magic kingdom can take two to three days to complete, there are 3 other Disney theme parks plus two Disney water parks, the 2 Universal Parks their waterpark, Seaworld, Legoland, Busch Gardens, themed restaurants shopping... oh you’ll love it!! Hire your own car do your itinerary offer it to all members of the family saying this is what we are doing/where we’ll be you’re welcome to join us or not... your kids will have a blast making magical memories!! If the SIL wants to be a bitch let her - she’ll have a crap holiday seeing how much fun your having if she’s that much of a fun sponge!!

Don't go. My family is the closest one I know by a mile but even I wouldn't spend two weeks under the same roof with them in 30+° heat and humidity. We'd be at each others throats inside a week.

Disneyland is my idea of hell, though, tbh.

Suggest separate villas (I’m sure you’d hate for the baby to disturb everyone and aren’t they a terribly bad sleeper?) and rent your own car.

2 weeks at Disney Sounds like hell, never mind that it’s with family and a family that don’t get along. Don’t put yourself or your loved ones through it.

Pretty much exactly the same thing happened within our family.
Parents decided to do the BIG Family Disney Hols, however the stipulation was they chose who would be paid for in full and who would have to contribute....surprisingly it ripped the family apart, no one now speaks and parents are now growing old alone!

I wouldn't go on a holiday where one member of my family would have to be miserable for the others to (possibly) enjoy themselves. Your husband would be miserable, you would be tense and the chances of a happy ending are slim.

Disney with 4kids the age yours are sounds like hell and a total waste of time?! Have you done any abroad hols with them all yet? A holiday it is not.
If you want to swerve the SIL issue with your in laws just say you don’t want to go the age they are, it will be a battle of endurance not enjoyment. Esp if you e been “taken” there, you’ll feel beholden to what your in laws want which likely won’t be in line with what a young family of 6 need, given they haven’t shown much awareness of the situation to date! X

I suspect those posters saying things like "dh needs to grow up" might be from functional families but they may also be gc themselves in my experience. (Fully expect stringent denials btw)

The holiday sounds my idea of hell even without the family conflict, I'm not good in heat especially humid heat and I'm not a Disney or theme park person.

Add in the family conflict which mil is clearly burying head in sand and continuing to favour sil about absolutely no way!

It'll be a total disaster.

"Thanks but no thanks"

Utterly ridiculous idea of mil's

Even friends and family who get along would struggle to always get along all under the same roof with children and adults at vastly different ages and stages in an unfamiliar climate that even Floridians can struggle with. (I've Floridian relatives and their FB posts at height of summer make this clear - tempers are much shorter!)

Dreadful idea!

"Are you sure that SIL is the 'golden child'?" In my experience someone being the gc doesn't mean they never fall out. My sister is most definitely mums gc but every 4/5 months they have a massive blowup because sister gradually takes piss more and more till even my mum can no longer deny. So mum blows up but she is always the one to apologise to sis (even though she's very rarely in the wrong) because sis sulks and withholds the dgc (who are also the golden grandchildren with mum) which mum can't bear (she sees them every day for hours and they stay at mums a lot). Gc refers more to the fact that initially they were favoured, this leads to them believing they are always entitled to be favoured and so whenever they think they're not being they kick off. Parents aren't usually the most well equipped parents and rather than dealing with this appropriately do whatever gc wants to placate them. Gc calms down incident is swept under rug.

And I've seen this in other toxic families too.

I'd 100% go, don't get sidelined out of something awesome just cos sil is a brat

I'm in Florida right now and it's hard enough to pace it with a 4 year old and all of the family here get along great. Don't do it!

-PlentyofBiscuits - I agree, play the age card!

We would decline, even without strained/ non existent relationships.

We could not think of anything worse than Disneyworld. If we had to go with that amount of family (and we get on really well) it would just be my worst nightmare.

I would make my excuses and breathe a big sigh of relief.

Did the grandmother want the family to spend the inheritance on a big blow out holiday? Cos unless she did, seems like a massive waste of cash which could otherwise be put to good use.

Ak, no no no no no. I have a somewhat strained relationship with my DSis (not to this extent though) and while we have sometimes holidayed together, the worst occasion was when we were all sharing one big house with GP. Far from bringing your DH and DSIL together, such a holiday would be quite likely to leave them no contact I should think! It could be the stuff of legendary grievances forever! Besides, practically no holidays with under 5s are genuinely enjoyable for the parents, at least most of the time. At least when you've i) paid yourself and ii) it's nearish home you can i) agree it's shit (can't do that if it's someone's generous treat) and ii) bail out if necessary.

Jumping in having read page 1- Disney is wrong destination for kids as young as yours full stop- side step the dynamics- say thanks v. Much, v generous but wasted £ until the youngest 10+ to get best out of it - the end

@Tinkobell - I guess it's easy to spend money you've never had to earnt - Thinks of the obligatory massive motorhomes

Sounds hellish even without the family feud. Disney for the 5 & 6 yos is OK, but flying longhaul to a hot, humid climate with a 3 yo and 1yo too sounds like a horrendously stressful way to spend two weeks. I went away on a fairly relaxed beach holiday when my two were around 1 & 3 and our days were very broken up with naps, and constantly ensuring that our Houdini child was accounted for and safe. At that stage, Gullivers or Thomas Land was perfectly sufficient for themeparks.

Add in difficult family dynamics and being stuck for two weeks a very long way from home. No way.

A polite "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for us, the children are too young" should be an appropriate response to the offer.

Your DH's grandmother just died? Money grabbing, the lot of you!