For not wanting to holiday abroad?

[chocolatelog]

Myself and 4 out of 5 of the children haven't been abroad. We don't even have passports.

Dh and the 3 oldest all want to go on holiday this year. Dh has found a holiday for 10 days in Spain and is pressuring me to go but I've got zero interest. My eldest (17) has been with her friends family so she's got the bug and is begging me to go.
A part of me feels like I should go because before long the kids will be older and won't be interested in going with us, but I just can't be bothered with it all. I filled in one passport form and that was enough to make me go 🙈 it took 5 attempts at getting it wrong, so the thought of filling in 5 people's worth is enough to put me into an early grave!

The two youngest are 5 and 2 and I feel like it won't really be an enjoyable experience for me, dh is very hands on with them but I'm a stress head and get into rage pretty quickly 😬

Plus the money for passports and the actual holiday for 7 people makes me think we could use it for better things, we both need a new cat each and I'm thinking I'd rather those than a pissing holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't know if my attitude to it all is because I've never been abroad, I'm quite happy to spend a week in Cornwall or Dorset or anywhere else that this country has to offer. The thought of flying and watching the kids like a hawk just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Is it a case of what you've never had you never miss? Or should I just put my happy face on and agree to going?

Their holiday is different to mine.

Have you actually tried having a conversation with you dh about compromising? Say you for for 5 nights, you plans a few sight seeing tours and then you also plan down time to relax. You sound like you could use a unwind! It seems like you are just complaining but maybe have a nice, adult conversation about this with him instead of flat out refusing?

I feel sorry for your kids, not even the going abroad thing but saying you've never taken them away longer than a weekend. Poor kids.

That's all I could afford I'm afraid. Their not poor 🙄

Hi there,I think perhaps we can get into a rut and go with things that seem easy and familiar to us .I think you should go and come out of your comfort zone ,Its really nice when you are there and after many years of holidaying here ,Went to Florida as a first family holiday abroad!.All fine ,great time there .As far as a passport goes, you need one anyway for a lot of other things .You can get a check at the PO for about £7.00 I think.How much is a new cat?! surely have a look at a rescue centre they should be happy to rehome to you for a small donation .You only live once and as someone said to me life is too short to only see one country!

Spain? It wouldn't be my choice for 1st holiday abroad, if you don't want to go don't go, apart from the sun/heat, abroad's not as great as its cracked up to be. I hate hanging around airports, waiting on luggage, last abroad 3 year's ago, suits me to holiday here.

Grey if OP doesn't like it, she will have spent a huge amount of money to find that out.

I don't see how that is fair to her when she clearly doesn't want to go.

I am not buying the ‘I want to do lots of sightseeing and the others dont’ from someone who has never been away for longer than a weekend. Also your kids have never ever had a chance to go sightseeing. They want to see by a pool or the beach because that’s all they know. It’s not their fault!!!

OP needs to suck it up given she has never taken them abroad before, and has never given them a week holiday ever.

So, why is it fair that you family have had to have every holiday (well just long weekend) your way for this long and now you are refusing for once to have it their way? That's not fair.

So if you can only afford a weekend in Cornwall how come you can afford a week in Spain? I'm confused

With regard to the passports I would definitely get your husband to fill ALL those in for the kids. And take them to the Post Office and all the rest of it.

See how keen he is then.

@GreytExpectations we don't go year after year. Some years we don't go anywhere.

If your husband could go Vegas and Turkey and you have the money for Spain I am struggling to believe you couldn’t have done more than a weekend away in the UK in all these years. None of these answers add up.

@RosaWaiting but its fair for her family to continue to do it her way every single year?

@chocolatelog ok but when you do go it's on your terms. Can you not see how unfair this is on your family? You really don't seem to care about their enjoyment.

Hang on, if your DH has been to Vegas and Turkey, how come you can't afford to take your kids on holiday? (within the UK)

abroad's not as great as its cracked up to be.

Once again "abroad" is not one single place

Grey no, but there's a compromise, surely? DH can take the older ones. Sorted.

How do you know you wouldn't enjoy things you've never done before?

Seems a shame for them to miss out on so much because you are stubborn.

Get DP to do the passport forms, and go.

Though it sounds like you've already decided that you would ruin it for everyone by your recent post.

@sighrollseyes that was in the past

Make DH do all the form for passports, it's him that wants to go, he can have the stress of that bit. Body floats (life jackets) on the younger kids at all times outside. Make sure everyone knows you are not going to lie about at the side of a pool all day because the younger kids will go stir crazy and make a compromise of a few days out places. We don't go abroad, DP was trying to persuade me this year but Ive put him off till next year

abroad's not as great as its cracked up to be.

Wtf does that even mean. Where is "abroad"? Fucking stupid comment.

I don't think you should go if you don't want to but by Christ you sound like hard work.

Unless you have some sort of diagnosed SEN I don't think it's acceptable to just complacently say "I will lose my shit and DH and I will have a slanging match" - your behaviour is yours to manage!!

This "it's just the way I am" schtick, unless it's underpinned by some sort of condition, is just laziness tbh - behaving as comes naturally to you rather than trying to mitigate it at all to avoid harming those you love. I imagine your children stuck at home with you because YOU don't like to do anything else, and walking on eggshells around you because YOU won't deign to control your temper when things aren't exactly the way you like them. Not a fun household to grow up in.

Does your DH pander to your rigidity in other ways as well as your reluctance to travel? Do you generally call the shots for the whole family like this?

So your DH and kids want to have a different sort of holiday to you? Then amuse yourself! Go walking or whatever you want to do while they lounge by the pool. Or do they all have to fall in with what YOU want so you don't feel lonely? But you're perfectly happy to send them all off and leave you alone at home!

I would definitely go back to your DH with the suggestion he go with the older kids and you stay home with the little ones (expecting one parent to manage all 5 away from home isn't fair imo). Won't make any difference to the wee ones and the older ones will be less work for him. Or is there a grandparent/young adult relative who would welcome the free holiday who could go along with him to help him out while you enjoy your home comforts on your tod?

Basically it's completely U for a whole family to be sunject to the personal preferences of one member.

@PotolBabu the holidays were paid for him

Don't you apply for passports online now? So ink colour and capitals aren't relevant.

but its fair for her family to continue to do it her way every single year?

Hang on it's not my way, it's what we could afford at the time. And what the kids chose.

The passport forms are a pita. Not so much the filling out but getting a counter signature can be tricky and expensive if you don't know many professional people who are not related to you. My doctor's surgery refuses to sign them and many who do, charge. Plus forms for 5 people can be expensive.
That said, a passport is a really useful thing to have for reasons besides travel.
Honestly OP, I really think that if you can afford it you should go. I haven't done many trips abroad with my kids and I wish we'd been able to do more when they were little. We did do a fair few UK trips though and while that was lovely I would have valued being able to do more whole they were still little and willing to go. Now they are older and at uni/work and doing these things as a whole family is virtually impossible.