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AIBU?

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Original poster

For not wanting to holiday abroad?

486 replies

chocolatelog · 24/04/2019 10:28

Myself and 4 out of 5 of the children haven't been abroad. We don't even have passports.

Dh and the 3 oldest all want to go on holiday this year. Dh has found a holiday for 10 days in Spain and is pressuring me to go but I've got zero interest. My eldest (17) has been with her friends family so she's got the bug and is begging me to go.
A part of me feels like I should go because before long the kids will be older and won't be interested in going with us, but I just can't be bothered with it all. I filled in one passport form and that was enough to make me go 🙈 it took 5 attempts at getting it wrong, so the thought of filling in 5 people's worth is enough to put me into an early grave!

The two youngest are 5 and 2 and I feel like it won't really be an enjoyable experience for me, dh is very hands on with them but I'm a stress head and get into rage pretty quickly 😬

Plus the money for passports and the actual holiday for 7 people makes me think we could use it for better things, we both need a new cat each and I'm thinking I'd rather those than a pissing holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't know if my attitude to it all is because I've never been abroad, I'm quite happy to spend a week in Cornwall or Dorset or anywhere else that this country has to offer. The thought of flying and watching the kids like a hawk just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Is it a case of what you've never had you never miss? Or should I just put my happy face on and agree to going?

OP posts:
AlmostGrockle · 24/04/2019 21:51

YANBU OP. You've said you'd be fine with your DH taking them on his own if he feels that strongly. If he won't accept that alternative that's his loss.

Get well soon.

Witchofzog · 24/04/2019 21:54

If you can't afford a holiday you sure as hell can't afford another child Hmm

dontdoxmeeither · 24/04/2019 21:55

Can you swim? Can the kids swim? It's not mandatory to lie inactive on a sunbed Wink

You can be as active as you want. It could be a great adventure for you all.

We've taken DS abroad all but one year of his life (he's 11). We go to one town regularly and he's made so many friends over the years. plus when he's old enough to go a wandering on his own, we know enough people to keep an eye and report back Grin

Try it, despite your reticence, you might love it and get the travel bug

GreytExpectations · 24/04/2019 21:59

Actually a pp makes a good point. If you cant afford a holiday and need a new van, garden, and utilities then how can you afford a 6th child?? Seems odd to want another when you hardly even like the 5 you already have.

Original poster
chocolatelog · 24/04/2019 22:00

This thread has become comical I just have to laugh at some of you 🙈 I'm a neglectful mother now because I won't go on holiday. I'm pretty sure there's millions of kids out there that haven't left there own town let alone their own country 🙄 my god it's hilarious.

And shame on you for saying I'm making my mental state up 😬 what sick person would lie about that.

OP posts:
Pk37 · 24/04/2019 22:01

GreytExpectations
Ah fantastic.
I really want to but I’m a little scared,
It’s so out of my comfort zone !
I started following a japan travel page on FB but it’s made me more nervous as people talking about not being served in restaurants etc as they’re “gaijin” and that sends my anxiety soaring!
Dd 8 really wants to go too , so big girl pants on for me !

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 24/04/2019 22:02

Difference is they can't. Yours could🤷‍♀️

GreytExpectations · 24/04/2019 22:11

what sick person would lie about that.

Probably the same type that hold their family back from fun and new experiences simply because they cant be bothered.

Witchofzog · 24/04/2019 22:13

Also if your mental health is poor you need to focus on yourself and your family, not on making another baby. Untreated mental health combined with pregnancy hormones and exhaustion with looking after 5 other children is a recipe for disaster in my book

GreytExpectations · 24/04/2019 22:15

it’s made me more nervous as people talking about not being served in restaurants etc as they’re “gaijin” and that sends my anxiety soaring

@Pk37 we never had that experience and I found the Japanese people very nice and welcoming. Their culture is very much based on pleasing and perfection. I'll admit it definitely pushes most peoples comfort zones but for us that was part of the experience and it felt really good to try something completely different. If you do go, just do a lot of planning. Message me if you want any tips :)

choli · 24/04/2019 22:25

"Abroad is unutterably bloody and foreigners are fiends."

BadLad · 24/04/2019 22:30

I started following a japan travel page on FB but it’s made me more nervous as people talking about not being served in restaurants etc as they’re “gaijin” and that sends my anxiety soaring

That happens but usually in the kind of places foreigners would rarely go into anyway. Tiny restaurants where the door is shut, with no menu outside, so unless you can read the place name you wouldn't even know it was a restaurant. And even if you did go in, you would probably find that everything on the menu was a 57-stroke kanji anyway, so you'd be ordering by pointing and hoping for the best.

Any place that looks like a restaurant will almost certainly welcome foreigners. They probably won't speak much (or any) English.

Pk37 · 24/04/2019 22:36

GreytExpectations
Great ,thanks .
Appreciate it!

Pk37 · 24/04/2019 22:37

BadLad
Ah I see , thank you .
Will definitely remember that!

Babuchak · 24/04/2019 22:40

I'm pretty sure there's millions of kids out there that haven't left there own town let alone their own country
since when is parenting a race to the bottom? There are, sadly, millions of kids with a horrible childhood, but most parents try their very best for their children to give them the best they possibly can get. Being a parent means putting your children first, being so narrow minded and not opening doors for them is a bit sad.

DeeCeeCherry · 24/04/2019 23:17

Not everyone wants to go abroad.

But you sound idle and self-absorbed. The children want to go, try
to enjoy broadening their horizons. You might have fun too

Treesthemovie · 24/04/2019 23:34

Honestly OP you sound controlling and like you resent and dislike your husband and kids, assuming the worst of them at all times. Their feelings matter too not just your own.

You don't need to go abroad with them but could your husband not sort the forms and take the oldest 3? I have a feeling you wouldn't like it if he did, despite what you say. You've changed your story several times already.

Rosesaredead · 25/04/2019 02:47

I think your children are missing out hugely, never having been abroad! That's really unusual. Your reasons for not wanting to go are quite selfish (very ME ME ME, I want, I don't want) and (sorry but) also really lazy. They deserve a chance to see a bit of the world and I can't believe you think it's okay to overrule to wants of your entire family?! You should definitely go.

Rosesaredead · 25/04/2019 02:49

The more I read your replies I think this thread is a joke? You're being SO unreasonable that I can't believe it's real?

DexyMidnight · 25/04/2019 03:14

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DietriotukMN · 25/04/2019 03:30

If you can afford it, you should go. If not for your own sake, for your kids. Too many children in the UK nowadays are woefully ignorant of other cultures. You will have a fab time when you're there!

WhyTho · 25/04/2019 03:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoustonBess · 25/04/2019 04:08

Forget this summer. Buy your van, get over the miscarriage, find help with anxiety/depression whether this is therapy or ADs, sort your contraception as another baby won't help your situation.

Book a family-friendly coach holiday for next summer. It'll be cheap to book so far ahead, no flying if you go via Eurostar or ferry, all accommodation and food can be part of the package so very little for you to do, plenty of time to sort passports. You get picked up from a point near your home.

I'd go somewhere like France or Holland that is not too far away or different from here. You get companies that have cheaper prices for families with more than two kids.

TanquerayTickles · 25/04/2019 07:04

The thing is, you're holding the rest of your family to ransom because you don't want to go. You said earlier that the kids want to go, your Husband wants to go, so you're the only one stopping them. They'll remember that, trust me. Sometimes you do things for the people you love because you know they'll love it, even if it's not your cup of tea.

Why don't you say to your Husband that you'll go on the condition that he sorts the passports, helps 50/50 on the packing, etc. If he doesn't sort it then you don't go, simple.

Villa holidays are far more chilled than other holidays too, in my experience. There's plenty of space for everyone to chill out and do their own thing. Do it for your kids, they'll absolutely love it and have a ball.

3in4years · 25/04/2019 07:20

Just go.
If you don't like it you never have to go again.
Tell dh he has to do all the passport applications online.
You will probably find parts of it stressful and lots of it wonderful. You'll see your kids on a new environment. They will behave differently. They will be very grateful and will remember the holiday all their lives. As you say, the only one they will all go on before the teenagers grow up.
Be brave. Do it. For your family. And afterwards save for a van and beds. They will have to wait.

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