For not wanting to holiday abroad?

[chocolatelog]

Myself and 4 out of 5 of the children haven't been abroad. We don't even have passports.

Dh and the 3 oldest all want to go on holiday this year. Dh has found a holiday for 10 days in Spain and is pressuring me to go but I've got zero interest. My eldest (17) has been with her friends family so she's got the bug and is begging me to go.
A part of me feels like I should go because before long the kids will be older and won't be interested in going with us, but I just can't be bothered with it all. I filled in one passport form and that was enough to make me go 🙈 it took 5 attempts at getting it wrong, so the thought of filling in 5 people's worth is enough to put me into an early grave!

The two youngest are 5 and 2 and I feel like it won't really be an enjoyable experience for me, dh is very hands on with them but I'm a stress head and get into rage pretty quickly 😬

Plus the money for passports and the actual holiday for 7 people makes me think we could use it for better things, we both need a new cat each and I'm thinking I'd rather those than a pissing holiday 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't know if my attitude to it all is because I've never been abroad, I'm quite happy to spend a week in Cornwall or Dorset or anywhere else that this country has to offer. The thought of flying and watching the kids like a hawk just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Is it a case of what you've never had you never miss? Or should I just put my happy face on and agree to going?

@sighrollseyes well that's bad considering there is number 6 in making....

Op, quite honestly and please leave your sarcasm, jokes and goadyness behind to answer this but why exactly don't you care about how much your kids (specially eldest one) would love to do this with you? Its like you just dont care about their happiness and i wonder where that has come from

It's such a shame its all about you...
Would it be so hard to think of your kids. Make a plan with your DH that you share the load when there.
I've taken my DC around the world from being babies and we've loved every moment. We have so many memories and have seen so many things. Eldest DC is now 23 and still holds memories of trips as far back as 3/4 years old. My DH died suddenly 7 years ago. My DC have wonderful memories of times spent away that are worth far more than the possibility of a van breakdown or a bed spring out.
Give your DH and DC a chance to have an experience...make a deal to allow you to pick the next holiday

I am the exact opposite of the op and adore travel my kids been on many trips have visited most major cities in Europe art galleries culture fun beaches etc but frankly getting massive flying guilt due to climate change so regretfully think op is right not to fly.

I see the OP’s still burying her head in the sand about how her anxiety is ruining her family and she doesn’t even care; she won’t push herself to get well for them.

I find your post quite depressing.

You’re going to spend your money on cats! How many? Must be quite a few 😆

@luckylavender tell me about it.

OP, I often wish that DH wanted to do this with us.

But he doesn't, and I don't give him a hard time about it, like you've been given on here.

Some families don't do things separately, but for us, it works. The kids and I get the holiday they want. He gets to stay behind. The difference is, I suppose, I want to do the holidaying and am happy to take the kids on my own to do it.
Your partner wants the holidays but doesn't want to only take the dc that want to holiday in the same way without you.

It may be because he's convinced you'll enjoy it when you get there.

I have never made that assumption about DH and would probably be wrong if I did. But I don't blame his lack of confidence in travelling (prob on the spectrum somewhere, def knows and admits he doesn't deal well with change or lots of people/socialising) for ruining family life. We just found a way to deal with it.

@GreytExpectations depression.

It’s unacceptable to just state “depression” and “anxiety” and use them as excuses for doing fuck all and ruining your family.

Get your head out of your arse and do something to get better. You’re not even trying and you have no intentions of either.

You shouldn’t have any more children because you aren’t taking care of the ones you have.

@DrMadelineMaxwell he thinks I will enjoy it but I know I won't. We went to the seaside for a day out on Sunday and It was as the most stressful day ever. Kids fighting and bickering. Youngest crying Cos she's overtired. Dh being a driving instructor in the passenger seat. And I said to him " and you want to take this lot on holiday for 10 days,stuck together for 10 days and no getting away from them?" I think we'd kill each other tbh 🙈

Op, just a thought:
Have you had your thyroid tested?
I had a very underactive thyroid and this affected things like filling in forms. It slowed up my brain and I’d dread having to do something like apply for a passport and I’d almost certainly fill it in wrong.
I was tired all the time and felt very low and the thought of travelling to a strange place and coping with the children would have appalled me.
If it’s ‘just’ an underactive thyroid then this can be discovered via a blood test and then you will have to take thyroxine. After about 10 days I felt like a completely new person.
All the very best to you, op, and I hope you feel better soon.

@chocolatelog its disgusting that you use anxiety and depression as an excuse for being a selfish mother and wife. There are people who seriously struggle day in and day out with mental illness and you then trivialise it like that. I feel sorry for your family.

@Dapplegrey thank you. I had it checked about 5 years ago and everything come back normal. I'll ask if they can check it again.

@mushroomsandtoadstools baby making tonight 😜

@GreytExpectations enjoy the rest of your evening 👍🏼

GreytExpectations
I have anxiety and depression (although I’m doing quite well on the depression side at the mo) but I still love to travel.
I hate flying but find ways to cope , I get anxious about having to talk to people abroad or in another language but can get round that various ways (mostly using dh as a buffer ) and I’d hate to think I’m holding my family back from experiencing things .
Although , dh wants to go to Japan but that’s not sitting well in my head !

I think we'd kill each other tbh 🙈

I think theyd kill you just to get away from your moany, negative attitude. Children can sense when a parent doesnt like them.

Just check out a camp ground in France, by a lake. That might be your best bet for your first holiday abroad. Good luck!

@Pk37 go to Japan! My dh and I went last year and it was the trip of a lifetime. Such an amazing country! :)

@mushroomsandtoadstools i wouldnt waste you time, its now just become a wind up.

I could understand it if you did not want to fly, be it because of views on climate change, a hatred of airports or fear of flying. To use filling in passport forms seems an inadequate reason, and in any case why not DH fill them in?

It seems to me that many of the issues you struggle with will happen regardless of where you go on holiday.