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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my OH is a complete twat?!

211 replies

Fatandpregnant · 23/04/2019 21:21

So I’m 6 months pregnant and we all know insecurities come with being pregnant. None the less my “classroom clown” OH still loves to make comments on other women on the telly and whatnot... it’s half said in jest but it’s often enough that I just roll my eyes and tell him he’s annoying. His most used phrase is “I’d fold it” to pretty much anything with a pulse. Don’t get me wrong we have quite a jokey relationship and don’t take too much to heart. But today he has waaaay overstepped the mark.

I messaged him on Instagram showing him a celebrities story as they were doing a really cool giraffe feeding thing with their kids saying “wow isn’t this amazing, id love to do this”. His response was “do you wanna know what I wanna do”... I said “no, safari?”

Then the next thing to come through was a photo of a girl off the telly on a trashy show in her underwear. He’d mentioned she “was a bit of him” last night.

AIBU to think it was so unnecessary, disrespectful, insensitive and down right rude. I am livid. And I told him so. Did I get an apology? No. Instead I was called a boring c**t for not finding his joke funny.

I’ve been on and off in tears all day since.

Please tell me I’m not overreacting or being hormonal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Fatandpregnant · 24/04/2019 06:08

And also he hasn’t always done this. When I think, I reckon it’s only the last 18 months or so he’s started to do it really.

It’s like he’s ramped it up a gear to see how far he can push me.

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 24/04/2019 06:14

Why would you want to be with someone who likes to see how far they can push you?Sad. You're sport to himSad.

You can report your own OP and have this moved to relationships if you want though imo if people are going to post shitty comments it's mostly irrelevant where the thread is started. Many posters don't even look at the posters name never mind the topic posted in.

Ellenborough · 24/04/2019 06:32

I can understand why, being PG and hormonal, this is upsetting you more than usual, but by the sounds of things it’s just a ‘quirk’ of his personality and by your own admission he’s always done these things and they haven’t really bothered you. .

He’s not someone I’d have been attracted to in the first place to be honest - he sounds childish, vulgar, sex obsessed, attention seeking, dull and deeply unfunny. But he’s the husband you picked, so I think you just need to keep in mind that the stuff you usually find acceptable is rubbing you up the wrong way at the moment.

Cambionome · 24/04/2019 06:36

This is obviously bothering you, op, and I don't blame you.

Time for a serious conversation.

category12 · 24/04/2019 06:50

I'm glad you're going to address this with him. If he cares about you, he won't choose making shit "jokes" over your feelings.

MrsTeaspoon · 24/04/2019 06:58

Well I don’t think yabu at all! He’s slimy, not funny. Also misogynistic and reprehensible for calling you such horrible names whilst pregnant. Baby can feel it if you are distressed.
I’d find this all so repugnant. How would he react if men behaved like that towards his daughter? I don’t think he’d like it at all!
You need to decide what you’re going to do, regardless of other people finding it acceptable you clear didn’t.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 24/04/2019 07:43

He is vile. Why are you with him?

He sounds like a 13 year old bully.

AlexaAmbidextra · 24/04/2019 07:45

but he's not said anything hurtful to you

Er, he called her a cunt.

tashac89 · 24/04/2019 07:50

I couldn't get worked up over it myself, not when I was pregnant either, but christ he sounds boring. The same jokey crap all the time? Back in your box mate, I have a better laugh talking to myself

MsLucyHoneychurch · 24/04/2019 08:54

You should feel more secure because you’re carrying his baby not less.He should be even more on your side and fighting your corner

This. Point this out to him, OP - see if he gets it.

CostanzaG · 24/04/2019 09:04

Are you married to a teenage boy? How disgusting.
It's disrespectful and not funny in the slightest.
Is this an environment you want to bring children into? If you have a girl she'll get to see her dad treat women as objects. If you have a boy he's teaching them to treat women disrespectfully. Is that what you want?

InceyWinceyette · 24/04/2019 09:12

I think you need to talk to him calmly and assertively.

Tell him his jokes are now wearing thin and ask if he realises how constant it is. Ask him what he gets out of it and how serious he is.

Ask him if he thinks it will be good, in future, for either your little boy or girl to hear his constant letchy jokes.

At the moment he just thinks you are ‘over reacting’. Talk to him seriously.

CostanzaG · 24/04/2019 09:13

I've just noticed you already have a daughter......how lovely for her to hear and see her dad treat women in such an awful, misogynistic way.

Mummaofmytribe · 24/04/2019 09:18

Ugh. It's extremely rude, not at all funny and it must get bloody boring. Like spending every night with an adolescent boy

Theclearing · 24/04/2019 09:20

What do you think he’d do if you started going ‘phoargh, he’s all right, wish he’d bend me over the sofa all night long’ or ‘I’d love to get his cock down me/up me/ whatever’ while casually watching TV. I bet he’d hate it. Then you can call him a boring wanker. Perhaps a good way to show up the total hypocrisy?

chilling19 · 24/04/2019 09:28

An ex was like this and it got annoying, then boring. Good luck.

Coffeeonthesofa · 24/04/2019 10:19

My problem would be is that even if you have a discussion about this, you explain how disrespectful and hurtful this is, ALL THE TIME not just because you are pregnant and “ have somehow lost your sense of humour”, He then manages to stop saying misogynistic stuff to you / in front of you. He will still be thinking it! Every time you are snuggled up on the sofa watching a film, he’ll be dying to say something about shagging the actress, if you are hanging out in mixed company with friends, walking past a random woman in the street he’ll be thinking about what he would like to do to her / with her.
To top it all off he calls you a cunt because you don’t find any of this funny?

We all know boring blokes who bang on thinking they are great comedians but are actually as boring as fuck. You have one of these, with a nice sideline of being a misogynistic creep. I’m suprised your female friends haven’t started avoiding him yet, I know I would be.

Original poster
Fatandpregnant · 24/04/2019 10:40

The funniest thing is all my friends and particularly their mums LOVE him. He’s a really outgoing person and extremely social...more so than me. He doesn’t drink at all, he’s into sports (he’s a PT) and dotes on his daughter. To the outside world he looks like a catch!

It’s just these comments and disregard for how disrespected I feel that are the issue.

He honestly thinks he’s hilarious and unfortunately lots of people laugh at his jokes. He’s very much like his own dad and a product of his environment I think. I’m just over the comments and think the shock value he loves to get from people has just turned into him pissing me off now.

Aside from that he doesn’t communicate well when having confrontation and on occasion has turned to nasty comments.
Not acceptable at all!

OP posts:
Damntheman · 24/04/2019 11:08

Oh no this is not funny.. particularly when you're 6 months pregnant and not feeling good about yourself! Start doing it back to him, unprompted send him photos of hot men with "I'd have a bit of that in me!" see how he likes it when it's coming back at him..

Coffeeonthesofa · 24/04/2019 11:08

Wow i’m amazed you say that your friends laugh at his jokes, about what he wants to do to random women or to them or their mums ever, never mind when his pregnant partner is standing right there.
I don’t think he sounds like a catch at all.
Age wise I could probably be the age of your friends mums and I would not find it funny in the least,
If his mum has accepted it as normal behaviour from his dad, you may want to have a word with her and let her know she doesn’t have to laugh at this shit either.
Some people used to laugh at racist jokes, didn’t make it right though to say racist things and dress it up as humour.
Noone would laugh at racist jokes now and hopefully at some point your friends and family will start finding your partner’s misogynistic “jokes” equally offensive.

Damntheman · 24/04/2019 11:09

Either that or totally lose your shit and kick him out for a night or two. He might stop doing it then.. Dickhead!

Original poster
Fatandpregnant · 24/04/2019 11:11

Oh no, he doesn’t make these kind of jokes infront of other people! Well perhaps his dad, but he has a very similar “humour”.

To everyone else he is funny and nice, and to be honest I think they’d be shocked he says the things he does! They certainly wouldn’t entertain it that’s for sure!

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 24/04/2019 11:14

is he sex starved?
he sounds it.
also sounds like a pillock

Tunnocks34 · 24/04/2019 11:16

Oh god he sounds like an absolute loser.

I don’t know if I’d be livid over the comments, but I’d certainly find them off putting and generally pathetic.

As for calling you a cunt. That I’d be livid over.

TooManyAprilShowers · 24/04/2019 11:17

he sounds disgusting. And unfunny