To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

I would consider it bloody cruel if someone deliberately showed me their fancy birthday cake, asked me to sing happy birthday then took the cake away and refused me a slice! I love cake!
In fact I might rugby tackle them to the ground and steal the cake

I had no idea fake cakes were a thing. Is it wise to light candles on something made of polystyrene or cardboard though?

Possibly having a family party later or the next day and they wanted to display the expensive cake?
Still should have provided an alternative for the children.

My mum once made me a whole teddy bears picnic in fondant. We all ate it at burger king after taking photos. I was wearing a very nice dress from BHS

I think party bags are still a good idea

Some people had a slice at my sons birthday, but the majority had stuffed their faces silly and wanted to take it home..

If I hadn't of put a slice in a party bag for everybody, I would still be sat here three years on eating the god damn bloody cake!!

UK late 1950s - 1960s, at all birthday parties I attended, the birthday cake was sliced & eaten at the party

I’m a 70’s child and there were no party bags. Cake was sliced and eaten after the candle blowing, but if kids were too stuffed with jelly and ice cream or there was a lot left, it was wrapped and given to guests to take home, along with any prizes they’d won in the party games.

I still do it this way. “Party bags” are given out at the start, named for each child, they put their pass the parcel or whatever prize in there, plus any left over sweets and cake.

I wonder if the slice-to-take-home thing came about around that time as it was seen to be a gluttonous to eat both jelly, ice cream and cake at the same meal? Party bags possibly with the decline in musical chairs as professional entertainment and activity parties so fewer prizes to take home?

Do you think they just forgot?

At DD1's first birthday party I forgot to get out the cake entirely or do the blowing out at candles thing (insomuch as a one year old can blow out chndles).

In the 80s, cake was almost always taken home. That was the party bag, some cake, sometimes in a bag. Whether or not it was also eaten at the party depended on how much time there was and how many other sweet things were served.

I know someone who does this. She makes amazing, professionally looking cakes. But it never gets eaten. Always taken home for family party later.
I think she does offer a different cake though to eat at the party.
She also brings them to family fun day events, and puts 'reserved' on it to take home at the end. It really isn't in the spirit of it all IMO.

@EleanorLavish

Guessing she's doing so to advertise her professional services as a baker?

Tell her I would never pay for a cake I didn't know would be delicious

floribunda As per my post yesterday at 20:19 it was a deliberate act of cake withholding. It was not a mistake.

This happened at a party my little boy attended. A delicious looking chocolate birthday cake was bought out and we all sang happy birthday but none was cut up and offered to the children or given away in party bags. Not even a substitute.

This all sounds totally batshit. Why not just eat the cake at the party and avoid having smashed cake later?? If you’re concerned the kids will be too full, then serve them less food earlier in the party. If you’re concerned there won’t be enough time to cut it all and eat it, then allot more time during the party. Reduce the number of activities and just eat the cake! Eating cake is an activity!

She doesn't make cakes professionally! That's the thing, she just does it for family bdays etc. '

Children's parties have gotten ridiculous.

I enjoy the more traditional format - kids music plays while kids arrive and they dance around like lunatics. Then some sort of game is played - pass the parcel or musical statues. Then presents are opened. Some of the younger kids cry because they're jealous of the birthday kid's presents. Cake with candles brought out, kids stop crying, everyone sings, candles are blown out, everyone gets a slice of cake to eat. Kids dance around and play with balloons for another half hour. Kids get sent home with a party bag containing an irritating whistle, some cheap sweeties, plus left over cake. Job's a gooden.

YY to the cake in a serviette.
We are Aussies too, I remember the first time my son went to a birthday party here, he took the cake out of the party bag, put on his party hat and proceeded to eat it then and there before we went home.
Little did we know that the party bag is a signal for "leave now" :)

God I'm glad children's parties are behind me. The world has gone mad.

I'm intrigued by the thought of all these families huddling round their very special but unshared with their guests birthday cakes at the later "family party".

It's also weird to stick candles in a cake once, do the whole happy birthday thing at a party, and then take the cake home to do it all again. I'm sure you can't double up on wishes when you blow the candles out a second time.

The rationalisations are funny, but the truth is they don't want to share their cake with the children's friends. They do want to make sure they see what they're missing out on though, which is as odd as it comes.

Then presents are opened.

That doesn't happen as much either - at event or hall parties the are usually put to the side and opened later - which can make it hard to send thank you cards or texts which may well be why that's almost died out. At home parties - it may or may not be done and often isn't done in front of everyone like I remember.

Little did we know that the party bag is a signal for "leave now"

‘Fuck Off Bags’ as I prefer to call them.

I can't wait to get rid of cake at parties. I'll cut whatever the creation is up and get rid! Birthday cake doesn't keep and none of my lot really like the icing so whatever I have taken home has been left slowly drying out before it's binned. Maybe I should just pick nicer cakes!!!

We make sure DS1 always opens the present received in front of the family member or friend, who has given it to him..it's bloody rude not to!!

People spending money on my little one, always love seeing his little face beaming with joy opening the present!

I can't believe presents aren't opened in front of the people that have given them

I think that is extremely rude!

It has never been the case that presents are opened at the party in either the UK or the US parties we have attended but if you have invited 20 plus DC it would take a long time to open the presents, they have a card in the gift bag so you know who sent what.
It means the time can be spent on the activity that has been arranged. The presents don't get lost or damaged in the maelstrom of a large group of excited DC.
I think some of this angst is just that the nature of parties is changing, not for better or worse, just adapting.

We make sure DS1 always opens the present received in front of the family member or friend, who has given it to him..it's bloody rude not to!!
We have family parties due to logistics so family do get to see them open presents - they also get separate cake to children's party.

At children parties the kids usually want to get on and do whatever the activity is - obviously if a child or parent did clearly want the present opened - I’d always get my child to open it. However, where we've lived that not the cultural expectation.

I hate throwing kids parties – not due to cake or present opening expectations it’s the none RSVPing or RSVP yes and not coming so you have no idea who will turn up anywhere from 1 to more than invited thanks to siblings is our experience.

If you want to keep your special cake to have at your later family party that’s fine, but just keep it for then. Why bother wheeling it out for the children to see if they can’t have it? If you have two parties you need two cakes and put the candles in whatever cake you are willing to share. Do you think everyone is going to be really impressed by your special cake you refuse to share or just think you are a bit of a dick? I hate to break it to you, but it’s definitely the latter.