To think this is poor form bordering on a bit cruel? (Child’s birthday cake)

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Just took my DSs (6 & 4) to a school friend’s fifth birthday. This beautiful, huge, professionally-made cake was brought out and all children duly sang happy birthday and marvelled at this kids’ dream of a cake (it was covered in rainbow icing, glitter and actual swirly lollipops, for crying out loud). The cake was then boxed up uncut and taken home at the end of the party by the family - it was not sliced up and distributed to the party guests. There wasn’t even a cheaper cake offered as an alternative. DS1 was fuming and I had a hard time trying to be diplomatic about it and coming up with a reasonable explanation. DS2 was so tanked on Haribo he wasn’t too bothered.

Now, I’m a little bit forrin (Australian) and have always found the piece of cake in a napkin in the party bag a bit odd and British (we just eat the cake at the party in Australia) but this complete cake denial is new. Cruel and new.

AIBU? Or is this just a British cake-withholding custom I have not yet been exposed to?

Most kids parties I've gone to have done this. There's never a problem as long as they go home with a party bag or sweets. It does seem silly though.

I’ve never been to a children’s party* where the presents are opened at the party.

• as in a party where most, if not all guests are children unrelated to the birthday child.

How completely bizarre.

At parties in the 80s it was definitely usual to be given the cake in a napkin to eat later.

I would place the arrival of this custom around the same time as the invention of fondant icing. This rendered the cake much more solid in its construction allowing small, neat, brick like slices ideal for wrapping to be formed. And secondly, cakes of this type are designed for looks over taste. It may be impressive for the candle moment but no one is much bothered about eating it so just wrap it up and send it off to become someone else's problem.

@StateofIndependance god, how abysmal. Both my partner and I hate fondant icing. Give me buttercream any day. We specifically requested no fondant for wedding cake recently. Thank goodness.

My DD went to a party where there was a lovely Disney birthday cake ‘on show’ the guests were them sent home with a slice of the cheapest Swiss roll imaginable.

Bonkers. As is the idea of the fancy cake taken home for family while doling out traybake for the party-goers. Any ful kno that a fancy decorated cake doesn't taste nearly as nice as a traybake.

I make two cakes, one for the party, one for family birthday tea. The party one will be some fabulous creation that draws oohs and ahs from the assembled kids, but by necessity is a bit dry, usually fondant iced and have the wrong cake:icing ratio. The family tea one will be a plain round one but freshly baked (not two days before to allow for the icing and decoration), moist (as it doesn't need to stand up to stacking or carving), with buttercream or fudge icing and maybe fresh fruit. Much tastier.

Most kids parties I've gone to have done this. There's never a problem as long as they go home with a party bag or sweets. It does seem silly though.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict Your child/ren need to find new friends. Or you could move?

The PP who queried if it even classed as a birthday party if there was no cake got it in one.

My ds last class party he was at they did this. Thought it was a shitty thing to do. Their excuse was they were keeping for later when granny snd granda come to visit. Fine. But imo they could have brought a cheaper one to cut up for the kids. Why get them round the cake to sing happy birthday and watch them blow out the candles then put it away??

Keep a piece for granny and grandpa or bake a separate cake.

Recently my ds (4) went to a party where this happened. I was a bit like WTF???? And DS who really really loves cake was totally confused. he got a cupcake given in the party bag instead, but he was really dissappointed not to get a piece of the fabulous looking birthday cake.

The rationalisations are funny, but the truth is they don't want to share their cake with the children's friends. They do want to make sure they see what they're missing out on though, which is as odd as it comes.

I completely agree with your post, Erythronium. Absolutely spot on. Why would anyone show off a cake that they don't plan to share with their guests? What a weird notion of hospitality.

I also think presents should be opened at the party. That is how it always used to be done, at least in the countries I have lived in (including the UK and the US). Saving the presents for later is a more recent (and IMO misguided) innovation.

StateOfIndependence, that's really interesting what you say about the history of cake in the bag.And also what was mentioned about rationalizations of odd traditions. Because none of the reasons (not having time to cut the cake, wanting to enjoy the kids' party) ring true. Or: by then they're full of sweets anyway. So why serve other sweets?
Most parties I go to in NZ serve a meal or substantial snacks (sausage rolls, fruit kebabs, sandwiches, pizza) but not a lot of sweets before the cake (there may be a lolly scramble as part of the party, but not sweets served as such or something like homemade bliss balls). Btw, while I've organized some big parties in the past, I don't do party bags and I hope that custom (which is not fully established in NZ anyway) disappears - it is just stuff that no one really needs, or wants about 5 minutes after the party.

Regarding opening presents, if the party is not at home, I can understand running out of time. At home, where it's less structured and no time pressure, it's part of the fun, and if my kids want to do it, I leave them to it.

I also think presents should be opened at the party. That is how it always used to be done, at least in the countries I have lived in (including the UK and the US). Saving the presents for later is a more recent (and IMO misguided) innovation.

We always opened presents in front of the guests at children’s parties growing up in Australia (1980s) so taking the presents away and opening them elsewhere was a bit of a surprise with my own DCs in the UK. HOWEVER, the parties I/my friends had were the ‘old school’ type described upthread - 10 kids at someone’s house (with party pies and fairy bread ) pass the parcel, musical chairs, cake, party bag (yes, we had them) and goodbye. However, the parties my DCs and their friends have had have been 20+ children at a play centre, farm, trampoline park...opening that many presents in an uncontrolled environment when there’s so much else going on is simply not possible without breaking or losing something and trying to pin down the correct child just for the exercise of opening their present in front of them would be no fun for anyone.

I’m looking forward to DS1’s 7th birthday next month - taking five of his friends to a movie followed by Frankie and Benny’s where we’ll probably open presents while we wait for food.

Then there will be cake. AND WE WILL ALL EAT ALL THE CAKE.

antipodeansun I couldn't claim to be a true historian of the party bag. I can only speak of my own experience. I'm sure someone with more knowledge than I will be along shortly.

Fairy bread, the bread of champions.

Because none of the reasons (not having time to cut the cake, wanting to enjoy the kids' party) ring true.

I think people saying they want to enjoy their kids party and don't cut cake because of it is bs too. It's your kids party, not yours. Part of a party is serving the birthday cake for the birthday child. It takes five minutes, what are you going to miss? I bet none of those adults have birthday dinners/parties and don't cut the cake for their friends.

I AM ON ONES OF 'THOSE' MOTHERS!!

Ahh the shame

Yes I hold my hand up, as I read the posts with increasing discomfort as the outrage and confusion rained through ten pages of disappointment.

Why do I bring out the cake and not then hand it out?

Because we always offer the birthday tea half way through the party to give the children a break (this always includes plenty of cake and fairy cakes and crispy cakes etc to be balanced) and then we bring out the cake at the end of the birthday tea and sing with candles etc.

By then I usually losing a good few children as they are eager to leave the table and get on with the rest of the birthday party. So rather than hold everything up by slicing thirty individual slices of cake to a virtually empty table as they all run around in a sugar induced vomit inducing rush, we just restart the party!!!!! Indeed I can't look after them and do things like cake cutting for that many, as I have no help at parties apart from a few lovely friends that can usually be found drinking vast quantities of wine rather than helping mash up cakes for over fed kids

So No cake

Shoot me now!

I don't put cake in party bags as I am aware the children always empty them out in the back of the car, and I didn't want to give the parents a reason to hate me with crushed in chocolate cake all over their car. I don't give liquids or anything that stains for the same reason. We spend a long time creating really beautiful gifts to take home, so I never thought anyone would miss warm, mashed up cake

So yes, it was me, and I am sorry to all those that have been offended over the years. No one, literally no one has ever mentioned it....but maybe they were too polite

At least yours is a real cake Springwalk

For future reference, nooo, the squished cake is the best bit, smooshed all over the back seat of the car on the way home. Preferably with blue or purple food colouring that no amount of cilit bang will shift. Ah, I can document their childhood from the blue, purple and green stains on the leather. Plus the exciting bonus of the rainbow poo the next day.
Ours are adult/nearly adult now. Would probably die of shame if I produced a themed cake these days.
Make the most of it.

I think people saying they want to enjoy their kids party and don't cut cake because of it is bs too. It's your kids party, not yours. Part of a party is serving the birthday cake for the birthday child.

You may think what you wish but the reality is that we are too busy running fun games to waste time wrapping cake. It is years since dd had a themed party yet still when I see her friends as teenagers they reminisce about the fun that they had and how no one else had parties which were as fun and memorable as hers. They were always well fed with party food so no one needed cake. The cakes were always homemade (still are) and when there were only 10 guests then we did use the actual cake. I would though challenge anyone who thinks that they can slice, wrap and put a homemade gruffalo cake into 30 party bags, in no more than 10 seconds per child (i.e. 5 minutes), whilst simultaneously organising 30 4-5 year olds to play 'what's the time Mr Gruffalo' to give it a go and post the video clip somewhere to give us all a laugh! No one even noticed that the cakes were swapped in the kitchen - as long as each child gets a chocolate cake with chocolate icing, a bit of flake for fur and a few purple prickles they were happy.

But surely you cut the cake and bag it as the children start to file past at the end?

Not seen this happen before! Although I did once almost forget to slice up the cake for the party bags.
I wonder if they were having another family party and wanted to save it in which case you’d think they’d have another cheaper cake to give to the children.

I saw giant cakes being demolished in a matter of minutes at our town's annual cake fest as people queued up to get the remains of the cakes. It was very popular. People like cake. The way people are talking on here it's an absolute impossibility ever to divide up a cake. Can't be done.

YANBU, that's really cruel!

And what's all this about fake cake? Why? What's the point of that? The whole point of a cake, it's whole raison d'etre, is that it gets eaten.

I may get a fake car. It'll just sit out the front and hopefully passersby will be impressed.... where does it end???

I’ve never bothered to bag cake, just hand it out at the party.

Only takes a minute to cut a cake.

I have to admit I don't get the 'put the cake slices in a napkin, in a plastic bag' thing either. It's cake, cut it, give it to the kids to eat there and then, and if there's enough give some to the parents. And if there's any left over you eat it later with a glass of vino. Chocolate cake and red wine goes well together.